The Road to Nowhere…

image

Stretched out, all over the world are roads to somewhere.  Most people use these roads everyday, to get to work, to the store, or to a friend’s house… we use them to travel and explore, to work and build, the use of these roads always has some kind of outcome… a finished project, a destination arrived at, sometimes a road even leads to a final resting place.  My point is that all roads lead somewhere.

Last friday, which was October 5th, 2012, Kansas City Homicide Detectives notified my family that the person responsible for shooting my brother, Dave Lefever, has been identified and charges have been made.  He now faces murder in the 2nd degree and awaits trial in Jackson County, Missouri. 

My family and I are doing the very beat we can.  We all miss Dave more than words can describe.  The days don’t get easier, I think we just become more numb to it.  We are a family of 4, not 3.  It’s never going to be the same.  My dad, Larry Lefever, called to tell me the news of the arrest of the person responsible for killing my brother.  I knew right away he had some news, as he was a little shook up on the phone.  And as it is common for others to ask, the question has been answered, “No. I don’t feel much better about any of this.  Even with this person behind bars, it’s not ever going to bring my brother back.  No, there really isn’t a feeling of closure.” All it is, to me, is the name of a strange person whom I don’t know, and information that this person now sits in jail waiting for a trial regarding the murder of Dave Lefever.  That’s all.  Nothing else.

I think about that person, who shot my brother.  As he sits in jail, knowing that he shot and killed an innocent person, for no other reason than an attempt to wrongfully take a couple hundred dollars that didn’t belong to him in the first place, what goes through his mind? Does he regret what he did?  Does he think about all the people who loved Dave so much that now have to live without him, all because he put a gun to his back and pulled the trigger…  Does he think about the life that got cut short, the person who will not see his 30th birthday? 

I have up’s and downs.  There are moments in which I’m glad, so glad this person is in jail.  He doesn’t deserve to be free, living his life, laughing and smiling, after he shot an innocent person and had such a devastating aftermath to all the family and loved ones.  He deserves to sit, locked up, waiting on the unknown… because that’s just it.  Unknown.  Will he get convicted? If so, how much time will he serve?  How long is right punishment for taking a life, because that life he took is gone forever, not just 15 years.  So why should he get a lesser sentence than the rest of his life? I don’t get to see my brother for the rest of my life?  What warrants punishment fulfilled for a crime that has ‘forever’ consequences?  And there are moments when it really doesn’t matter.  Dave isn’t coming home.  So what does it really matter…

The person who took the life of my brother is only 19 years old.  If he gets convicted, as he should, the next time he will be in a car will be in handcuffs, getting transported to a state prison, and riding in the back of a police car, that is driving him on a road, to nowhere…

~ Jen Lefever Wood

The Day My World Changed (More on the death of my brother)

There is a lovely poetic duet written with a similar thought in mind, but with a more positive message, in my opinion. It is on a fantastic blog, Hastywords, under the catagory Poetic Duets. You can click HERE to find it! Enjoy 🙂

Advertisements

8 responses to “The Road to Nowhere…

  1. You know….this is heartbreaking. And for such a spirit, optimistically beautiful, I hate that you have this chunk of your heart missing. You my dear are beautiful…there are no other words. Hopefully the words you write, portray healing in some part and in some way!

    • (Sigh).. Would you believe me if I told you that it is impossible to put in words what this feels like? It is. And I can always express myself with words! Its funny I used the Yin-yang to compare you and your friend Josh, in writting your Duet, because that’s what me & my brother were like. Now, I’m like searching for my other half, I’m a lost Yin looking for my Yang. Is that cheesey? It’s the only way I can really describe what that searching for my other half is like. I’m not me, I’m not whole, I’m not complete without him. Someone took him from me, and, I am…devistated. Broken. My life partner is gone. My best friend. In May, we have the first court appearance for the trial to convict this person. I will need a lot of strength to sit in that court room that day. I’m very shaken up in anticipation for it… Thank you for your kind words. You have warmed my heart today ❤

      • I can only imagine that feeling…I hope I never have to experience it. I hate that anyone has to lose so much of themselves to senselessness of it all. His heart will always call to yours…and the connection remains long after the heart stops beating. Let me be with you in the courtroom…let me help you with words when you struggle to find them. Let the anger come….because somewhere in those feelings is where even the smallest semblance of peace can be found.

      • Focus your anger not on the person but on the circumstances that lead him to the person he had become and led him to the decision to commit such a horrible, heartbreaking, destructive, and ultimately heinous crime. Don’t let that situation steal your beauty, your brother smiles because of that beautiful soul of yours.

      • I have been informed that the judge will ask, will allow, one or two of us to speak in behalf of the victim, on behalf of Dave. My Dad and I will most likely speak. I keep thinking about this moment too. I go over & over in my head what I want to say, what is the most important, and how will I be able to make the person who took him, feel the pain I feel, my parents feel, in our hearts in the absence of our brother and son. I can’t find the words. I don’t even know where to begin… I do have anger about all of this. And that is so weird for me, b/c I am the least angry person ever! I don’t know what to do when I feel anger, or how to handle/control it. This drives me nuts too. When I say last year was tough, it was the most difficult year of my life. It’s been a real test of my strength through all of this, and it’s far from over. I’ll grieve the loss of Dave until my dying breath.

      • Anger is what criminals are used to I think. I think they grew up where the only attention they got was negative attention. So if you want to make him feel something….make him feel guilt. I think the best way is to express your love for your brother let him see the love he destroyed…but don’t let him see the anger…it’s what he expects…has prepared himself for. Since I am a Christian I see people who forgive horrible people…and then I see the horrible people change if for no other reason than…they got positive attention. I say all that but honestly, I couldn’t do it…I would be too angry…to hurt. I am thinking along the lines if someone hurt my daughter…I wouldn’t have enough strength to forgive. 😦 I hope something in this rambling helps.

      • Your words are helping me a lot. I may not have ever met you face to face, we may not sit down for coffee, or lunch, but we are connected on a very cool level. Our ‘digital’ paths have crossed and in that sense, through writing, and reading, I have come to respect you very much. I feel connected through words, and for me, that is very cool! So, yes, it helps. I can’t pull off anger well.. it doesn’t stick with me. I usually just end up crying because I’m a delicate & sensitive soul. (Most of us poets are, in my opinion) I will keep thinking about what you’ve said. (I obviously think about this everyday, I don’t ever get a break from it, in the absence of Dave) It is very hard. You are a mother so you may know what it would feel like to lose a child. My mom is having the most difficult time. My heart breaks for her. Life is so unpredictable. Life is so precious. My advice to everyone, after this tragedy, is no matter what, tell your loved one’s you love them. Everytime you part, or say goodbye, or hang up the phone. Everytime! No matter what! If I could tell my brother I love him, just one more time, and hug him.. well, it wouldn’t be enough, but I’d do anything for one more time. Thanks A. You make me smile! ~ Jen.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s