I Hate to Love You.

Love.

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Love is the most beautiful thing that two people can share together. Shakespeare tells us that love is blind. Love is confusing, and sometimes we get lost in it. It can take your breath away, freeze time, make nothing else matter. When your soul melts into another. Love between two people is the act of being ‘in love’. When two become one. Being ‘in love’ is completely different than other kinds of love we see in our lives. Like the love for a parent, child, sibling or a pet, etc. There really isn’t any clear way to explain love. It is undefinable. It is another chapter in my paradoxes of life. Love can come and sweep two people off their feet! It can be in the air we breathe, it can be musical, it can be unreal, so close to perfect, like a dream come true. Love has been said to conquer all! Love is soup for our hearts and souls. We believe, when we find our love, that it was brought to us by fate, or karma. We can fall into love so quickly that we are blinded by the wild cliché of having found our soul mate. (I’ve already touched base on soul mates)
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But you see, love chooses you, you cannot choose who you love.
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You can’t just stop loving someone. The heart doesn’t work that way. This is, the other side of love… when love is the most confusing, most painful, most heart breaking part of someone’s life. Your love suddenly falls out of love with you and you are left devistated and broken. Or you fall out of love and its you who are responsible for breaking ones heart & soul. Love is now very hard. Love has you sad and lost, lonely and confused. Love has you believing that its all over!! Love has you believing that you will never love again!! Love has you eating too much ice cream, while the tears fall to the sound of all the music the two of you listened to. When a love has come to an end, it can also make a person crazy-mad, and do some crazy things, but I won’t get into that… just leave it to the wild imagination or to the crazy ‘end of love’ things we have already seen or heard before. Love. There is so much power in love. Love is such a strong word.

Hate.
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Hate is misunderstood. Its love in disguise. Hate is love on fire! Hate, like love, is a very strong word. To spend time actually hating someone, you really don’t realize that you have to have some feelings toward them, either loving, or caring about them in some way, in the first place. I really can’t say that its possible to ‘hate’ some thing or someone that you dont feel passionate about. Now, I’m not saying to dislike something you gotta love it first! Disliking someone or something is casual, less dramatic, less passionate. To just have distaste or to dislike is effortless. Its more or less just your opinion. Hatred takes much more energy! This is why when I hear someone use the word ‘hate’, or love, I ask them, “do you really…?”. I follow that with, “Love/hate is such a strong word…”. This usually gets the persons attention and they then reevaluate their feelings and/or choice of words. Yes, to hate is to love… on another level.

“I hate to love you!!”…
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Love/hate relationships = so confusing!! I could write about love and relationships until the day I die & still not have said it all, or figured it all out!! Look how many hundreds of thousands already write about this subject matter..? And we continue to do so, and study love, and learn about love… yea… its another paradox, and different for each one of us. So what’s up with the love/ hate controversy? Its just this: in the history of love we do know one thing. We know that you cannot choose who you love. So when you find yourself loving someone and its just to the point where it is more exhausting, takes too much effort, when you’re not getting loved back, when the love has lost its luster… you find yourself saying just this… “I HATE TO LOVE YOU!!”

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Love is something that I need to survive. I am a very loving person. In some situations, I find myself giving too much love to the wrong, sometimes undeserving, people. I have written so much about love, and yet, I still know so little. I am a hopeless romantic! I love love!! I’m learning how to have ‘healthy’ love. As I continue to age, live, experience and grow… love still confuses the hell out of me. That is all for now.

~Jen

For a beautiful Poetic Duet on LOVE written by a beautiful friend of mine, HASTYWORDS & her duet partner Matthew Morales click HERE. The piece is called IT’S UP TO ME.

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30 responses to “I Hate to Love You.

    • Really? You think so.. Oh my thank you. What a compliment. Thank you Edward.. may I call you Edward? I figure it’s OK by now, as I feel I have connected with you so much. I don’t get many visitors on Tryst, and I have written a handful of things, not poetry, and it’s so awesome for me to see any of them getting a little noticed. Thankyouthankyouthankyou 🙂

      • Looking at someone’s older stuff sometimes lets you know where they came from and what they went through to get to where they are now. So I’ll be looking at more of your things, if you don’t mind. 🙂

      • I do not mind at all! Like I said, I’m flattered! Read away.. Dig deep.. ask questions.. I’m an open book. I’m not shy, or easily offended.. actually, it’s a hard thing to offend me (I have a good sense of humor, and I say this with confidence because i know it’s true) So, yes, be my guest! 🙂

      • Okay… but I usually learn a lot more by reading, because when you wrote that stuff, you were there, in the moment. I’ll ask if I want to know something, but I more appreciate THAT you did it, not how.

      • Yep. I do that too but I’m trying to be more brave! Maybe we can be a little brave together & just let it ride! Write one piece where we don’t hold back!! Mine would have a lot of curse words in it!!

      • LOL I’m not afraid to use curse words, just… it’s hard to explain. In some cases, I don’t write about how “bad” my life was or is, because in the big picture it’s not bad at all, and it hasn’t been. Pretty good, actually. And when I read blogs like yours, and a few other people in the blogosphere, I really have nothing to complain about, and I am just impressed by your successes.

      • I see your point, but, you cant measure pain… or bad things, when it comes to your life. There are people who have been through much worse than me, in my opinion, and this prevented me from sharing my story in narcotics anonymous.. until someone told me that no pain or story is worse or less than mine. You can’t measure emotion that way. My stuff can hurt just as much as someone else, no matter what the circumstance. So, your life is special & important & personal to you just as your feelings about it. No one can take that from you. If you think something sucks or is bad… you are free to feel that way! Ya hear!! ~j

      • Just curious.. have you revisited this piece? I read through it today, and there is a lot to process. It is one of my most liked.. I meant every word. Hate is a twisted form of love. I pat myself for explaining myself well! …I’m interested in your opinion..

      • I have – on the parts about hate, I have a relative who is older, let’s say, and who still expresses much hatred or distaste for her ex – and they were divorced over 20 years ago. My mother has had dinner with my dad and his wife before. And when I was dating, I never dated anyone longer than a year, and didn’t keep in touch very often with exes.

        There are three different perspectives there. The first is your ‘hate is a twisted form of love’, I think. The second is ‘that happened, it’s over, move on.’ And the third is ‘if I felt anything for you either way, I’d show it, but I don’t, so I don’t linger.’

        I could probably write a comment as long as your post about your post, lol.

      • I am loving your notes! That’s the thing about love, so so soooo many angles! I could write a handful of posts on my love experiences! Yes, those are all different takes. I only touched base on the first one, the love/ hate one.. And isn’t it crazy how we can love differently with different people, yet we are always the same? On the flip, some of us never love different, always the same.. and love always ends.. and we find ourselves with so many different lovers/relationships… (this comment is turning into a post… see? )

      • I mentioned this in some post, but once I dug out an old journal and started reading, and I thought I was talking about Girl A, but when I turned the page it was Girl B. I flipped through the whole thing, and there was definitely a pattern of me dating a certain type of woman. Eye-opening. But you’re right – you’re either the type of person who shapes your love around someone else, or the person who says love me like this or goodbye. Not saying one is better than the other, but I’m more of a flexible type.

      • Me too.. I’m, what do they call it… I’m thinking of a big fancy word & its not coming to me… ugh.. let’s just say flexible like you said. That’s me too!!

      • I use this metaphor a lot – hurdle vs. target. Some people are like “you must hit the bullseye, or it’s no good” – but I’m like ‘as long as you’re better than this *points to hurdle* everything is fine!”

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