Surrender My Slave

 

 

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Surrender My Slave

 

I ask of you

Look past my shame

Pray for me

To survive this game

I walk alone

We walk as one

I won’t fall today

I am not done

I speak of tears

That represent my all

Through blood & scars

That prove my fall

The game of life

Can bring you down

My enemy is me

I’m at war with my town

Coincidently, I ended up

Just corrupt behind bars

Judgement on my crimes

Representation of my scars

I felt the feeling

I fight her everyday

“You know you still need me”

Miss Heroin likes to say

I have a soul

That is black & bruised

I’m done being your slave

I’m tired of being used

As strong as I feel

I know I can be

I still fear the doubt

I’m still afraid of me

I don’t want to be fake

I’m sick of telling a lie

But the truth of the matter is

I’m not afraid to die

“That’s right”, Miss Heroin says to me

I’m exactly where she wants me to be

She tells me I’ve sold my body

My heart

And now I am her’s

Till death do us part

 

~ J Lefever

(03/11/12)

I am 3 weeks away from celebrating my 1 year sobriety from heroin. I am living proof that it can be done, no matter how hard the climb.

For more on Addiction & Recovery, visit these wonderful blog sites:

Challenging Addiction – Relationships in Recovery

themiracleisaroundthecorner – A Series of Bottoms, Chapter 3

What’s Broken – I never Promised You A Rose Garden

 

Recovery, In The News and Potpourri – Step by Step

Recovery, In The News and Potpourri – Twenty-Four Hours a Day

Recovery, In The News and Potpourri – A Day at a Time

A World Without Mouths – fuck you, (a haiku)

Where My Hope Is Found – Mind Clutter

chantalsroadtorecovery – The Plan..

 

 

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14 responses to “Surrender My Slave

  1. Pingback: Surrender My Slave | A World Without Mouths

    • Indeed it was/is. Long long story short, tore acl in my left knee dancing. I was in a performing ballet company. Doctor put my on pain killers. I abused them by taking too many and got cut off. Rendering myself sick in withdrawal. Came across/sought out pills on the street and found heroin. Once I used that it was all I wanted. This is not my first attempt at recovery/sobriety… but once my heart caught up with my head, only then did I get clean & stay that way. I’m blessed & grateful to be alive. 😉 ~ J.

    • Thank you so much! Yes, I know. I’m well versed in recovery! This is not my first attempt at sobriety. I’m a chronic relapsed. But I’m doing very good this time. Hard work, and my heart caught up with my head! Thanks for reading!! I’m honored! ~ Jen

  2. Congratulations on your recovery! It is so hard and I am so proud of you. Recovery is life long, keep it up. I will be thinking of you. Thank you for mentioning my site.

    • Thank you very much! And you are welcome!! Visit me at Tryst anytime.. I won’t be a stranger to your site either! Support is always welcome and I’m always willing to give back as much as I can through this whole experience! Have a beautiful day! ~ Jen

  3. I knew there was something special about you. The pain, the struggle when conquered becomes the most dazzling beauty there is. You are beautiful Mrs. LeFever and don’t ever be ashamed of the temptations you fought and overcame. Darkness is a temptress that likes to strike when we are weak and you my beautiful soul are no where close to weak!

    • (With teary eyes…) I’m hugging you from far away! Thank you. Means the words to me. There was a time when I never thought I’d get me back… I fought so hard.. I fight everyday. Sadly, so many don’t make it through the battle with heroin. It can steal your soul… as it did mine… but I never gave up. Ever. It’s hard to write about it, but it’s good for me to get it out. I’m still hugging you! Thank you! ~ J

      • One of my best girlfriends survived it…she is going on more than 7 years so it is possible…and you are a survivor…and amazing…and have so much strength that (she) is but a memory you can pack away. Hugs!

      • That’s what I’m pushing for… My whole world has changed, really. I see things so differently. Life is so precious, time you can’t get back and when my soul is shinning, nothing feels better than that! 🙂

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