Queen of Darkness

 

24219_1232609789262_752735_n

Queen the Darkness

 

 

The night is cold

And through the darkness

The familiar feeling

I do not trust this

My one constant partner

The everyday friend

So she tells me

It’s Miss Heroin

She taunts me

& toys with my mind

She plays tricks

Until I am blind

She covers my heart

In darkness, in black

So I am desperate

For more smack

Once I’m controlled

Sold my soul to her game

Her manipulation works

And everyone else is to blame

I can’t see the truth

I’m covered in lies

Anything to protect her

Anything to get high

She is tricky & coy

A sneaky bitch

Don’t talk about her

I’ve been trained not to snitch

So I sit and realize

That it’s great the high

And so sadly I know

By her side I may die

She’s made me afraid

Of the world I see

Afraid of yours truly

Afraid of me

But the power she has

Is becoming yesterday’s news

When I woke up in prison

And made the choice to choose…

 

~~ J. Lefever ~~

(03/29/12)

 

This piece, tells such a story. I was at rock bottom, I was very fragile. I was so broken down the only way to go was up. So that’s what I did, I chose to fight. I did what I had to do to get my life back. I have written so much, on my struggles through addiction. I’ve spoken at meetings about the loss of personal power and finding the strength to pull through. Once I thought it was impossible… but now I’m living proof that once you make peace with your heart, and you believe that you are worth the journey,

light will shine again, and you will wake up feeling alive.

 

 

For more on Addiction & Recovery, Visit these wonderful sites ~

 

The She Chronicles

Challenging Addiction

themiracleisaroundthecorner

The 12th Stepper

Where My Hope Is Found

 

 

Advertisements

27 responses to “Queen of Darkness

  1. I am so happy that you had the strength to overcome this powerful hold. It’s never easy. And it’s certainly not the only thing that can have a hold on you. But it’s very uplifting to read of your triumphs!

    • Thank you so much! That really means a lot from you! I respect you & your writting so much.. really!! It’s so crazy, looking back through the things I wrote durring this time, I mean.. I am such a happy & positive person, but heroin literally stole my soul. It made me very sad & dark.. I wrote some very intense poetry though. My pieces, now in recovery, are so different. It’s been, life changing, it’s a fresh breath of air, getting “ME” back, that is.. Thank you for reading! ~J

      • Everyone has had dark and depressing times, but mine weren’t really ever that bad. I’m always impressed and in awe of people who overcome something like this and turn into such incredible, happy and uplifting people – like you!

      • Well you are lucky! Addiction doesn’t descriminate. It doesn’t care who you are.. Sadly it just becomes to some people and not to others. I mean, I came from an awesome family, no history of abuse there.. but life is unpredictable and when things happened for me, I just had to be honest, and get the help I need to live the rest of my life. In no way was I gonna let that shit beat me! hell No! No way! 🙂 And here I am now, connecting with wicked awesome people, and writting my heart out! I am very grateful.. yes I am!

      • I have a pretty strong will, which has good and bad points, like most things. I had ‘problems’ with alcohol and smoking, but I quit smoking 12 or 13 years ago, and I don’t drink that much. I try not to complain or whatever – even that ‘dark’ thing I started to write, when I was really sick, turned out to make me laugh because I was just sick, not depressed. It’s just temporary!

      • Yes.. I know about the good & bad with a strong will!! I look back at some things I’ve written and think, geeez what was I thinking!! Its good to be able to laugh at yourself though! I make myself laugh a lot!!

      • I totally agree! I’ve written some ridiculous things, but really only one thing I wrote embarrasses me now. I didn’t publish it on my blog, though. It’s not that it’s bad, it’s that it’s…I guess… naughty?

      • Awesome!! I’ll read it!! I was gonna say, I think one of the ways us writters become better is by writing different things, outside our comfort zones, using styles or genres we are not GREAT at or totally comfortable with! This is how we get even better… we exercise our talent, tune our skills… I’m anxious to see what you sent me here, and, I’m suddenly very inspired to write something not “Jen”… I love to be inspired!!!! Hell yeah..

      • No time limit or anything, silly. Hey, I was just thinking, your husband must be just incredible, right? Supportive and everything? (Hope I’m not way off here – I haven’t read your whole blog yet.)

      • Indeed. He is but in ways that are different.. HD and I are so much alike, yet, still so different. Does that make sense? As he is sleeping right by my side as we speak and I’m happy lost in Tryst world right now.. supportive, yes but we share demons too, so, we lean on each other a lot. He is snoring softly and wimpering cause I’m not holding his hand.. so cute!! Tryst world requires two hands!! Sorry babe!

      • Yes, expressive, dreamy, passionate, full of ideas and words – that’s me, and you, and Hasty, and most people in the blogosphere. And I can’t speak for your hubs, but my wife is more right here right now, actions, etc. – but in the past few months, she’s been really expressive too! We’ve moved closer to the middle of our different styles of love.

      • Jake is not expressive, dreamy.. not a creative spirit. He is here n now, math & science smart. He is a builder. Sub contractor. You & hasty are my expressive peeps who I am enjoying very much these days!

      • Sometimes, that opposite attracts thing seems like a silly fib. But sometimes it balances you out, grounds you, you know? I’ve enjoyed talking with you too! You just came out of nowhere, like a ball of energy whirlwind inspiration generator.

      • Ha! I love that! I’m as real as the words I publish on Tryst! That’s me.. a whirl wind of energy! I enjoy talking with you, as always! Have a good night!! I’ll catch up to you tomorrow!! ~ Jen

  2. Pingback: Winterized – A Golden Saturday Poetry Post « Lyrical Anarchy

  3. Still browsing and this hits home in a very real way. Without much detail I am the better part of 22 years clean and sober (minus a few bumps in the road, and a hard fall or two) and relate to so much of what you write. Both during your struggles with addiction and finding your bottom(as we all do) and now that you have allowed your soul to shine and have fought tooth and nail to give it a positive voice. I am so thankful we ran across each other here. Writing has provided me with escape, therapy, enjoyment, and now the opportunity to connect with someone of like mind and definite soulshine.

    JMC

    • Yes .. this one is also on my list of favorites. Addiction is something that plagues more people than we even realize … and some who are unaware that they struggle with such a thing, others who hide it in shame of being socially outcasted. I have learned to embrace this part of me and use it for a good, instead of a bad. (Although, it was bad, for many years … but in the rising of my life on the other side, only then was I truly able to really appreciate health, life, sobriety and personal success, only because I know first hand what it feels like to fail, fall and be at the very bottom)

      My story is very personal to me. My life’s journey is mine and I am not ashamed of any single part of it. I have learned to feed my virtues and apply my disadvantages, addictions and all of my big life lessons in a way that doesn’t hurt me anymore … and maybe, just maybe, helps another soul.

      Even if I only made a difference on one person’s life, on one person’s soul … well, that would be reason enough for me.

      Thank you for reading this and being a part of Tryst. I too, am really happy you are here and that we have met and connected in this way. It is really cool, how life can bring people, spirits and new souls into our lives and how they can impact us, inspire us, and connect us with them and the world around us.

      XOXO

  4. Pingback: A Saturday Poetry Parade | Lyrical Anarchy

  5. Pingback: Poets Sing The Winter Blues | Lyrical Anarchy

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s