First Drops of Salt Lake Rain
A Tryst Story
The clouds finally break and I can see parts of blue peaking through. I love the sky when it is clear and blue, but I also love the rain, and you can’t have real thunder storms without clouds. This was the first time it has rained really hard since I re-located my life here, in this new city, twelve hundred miles from where I grew up in the midwest. Here, the mountain air is so clean, and crisp. The smells are completely different. I think I am in love…
They say that it never thunders here, something about the mountains. When you are in the valley, where most of the city is planted and most of society lives and exists, there is hardly any rain and thunder. You’re best chance at hearing thunder is up higher in elevation, up the in canyons. My condo is nestled in a great place, about a ten minute drive to the foothill of the mountains, if that.
I sit here, at my window, looking out to the sky. I think of the thunderstorms, the massive, thick down pour of rain storms that I have left back in the midwest, when I packed up the truck with my whole life in it, and drove away from all I knew, hopping on I70 west bound for Utah. I left a lot back there. Twenty-two years of everything I knew. I said ‘See you later’, and started off on a new path, the next phase of my life. I say, ‘See you later’ instead of ‘Goodbye’ because ‘Goodbye’ means ‘forever’ and I wasn’t leaving ‘forever’. No, I would be back. At this time, I couldn’t tell you if I’d ever go back permanently, or just for a visit, but I knew it wasn’t ‘Goodbye’.
I had hit a few road blocks in my life back home. I had fallen down a few times too. Few, to say the least. I didn’t ‘run’ here to run away from anything, it was more like I came here to find myself. I came here to grow and discover who ‘Jen’ really is. I can say that the answer to this question is easy. I could probably answer a few different ways, but what do I know really? I feel like I know a lot, but I also don’t know shit. Life, my life, had thrown me a dozen hits that threw me completely off track and left me dazed and quite confused. So to say I know anything, I think at this point, is an overly confident thing to say. To be safe, and slightly humbled, I understand that I know very little and I’m ready to have my eyes opened and for some wisdom’s to come my way. Yes, I am very ready for this. My lack of knowledge has me kicking myself pretty hard sometimes. I am craving something more…
The rain always makes me feel connected spiritually and more creative to express myself verbally, so I grab for my journal to do some writing. I stare down at the blank page and scribble the date in the top, right corner. Poetry has always been a soothing outlet for me. I can’t remember when I started writing poems. I remember the first poem that I had to memorize and recite standing solo in front of a classroom full of my peers, was in the fifth grade. It was my first year in public school and everything was so different. I had gone to a private school, ever since I was the age to start school, before that and it was structured very different from the public school style. I always had it easy in English class studies, the ways of the language came really easy to me. I can’t even remember the name of that poem that we all had to learn, but I remember that it was easy and I liked how it told a story with words that rhymed. That was when I knew that I could tell my stories with rhyming words, and thus began my young passion for the English language and all things with writing.
Rain hits the window sill
And I sit here alone
Far away from all I know
This is my new home
As I, sitting there in the quiet of my own place, think of the events of the last few months, a tear runs down my cheek. I have some regret left clear in my mind for some choices I made. I have some anger towards myself, and some sadness and betrayal towards a few people who I thought I knew, but didn’t. It’s heartbreaking when you learn that someone who you thought was a friend, actually wasn’t. And when you thought you knew someone, and you find out that you were quite mistaken. Or even when you thought you knew yourself, and find out that you are quite clueless. No, I’m not home sick. I’m sick for any place that feels like home. I have sadly realized that a lot of things in my life so far were wrong. I have not had the easiest last few years. I only have myself to blame for them, although this is not a truth that I like to admit, and rarely do out loud, but internally I know this to be true. I wasn’t in the mood to write a sad piece about my young trials and failures thus far. I’ve written a few books on those already. I was hoping for more of an uplifting, up-beat, good energy, and inspiring piece that I could mark as a new beginning for me. This was a new chapter in my life anyway, and so I continue…
Hopes and dreams
I came to find
A place in the world
That is wonderfully mine
So, yeah, I will miss the thunder and the pouring rain in the mid-west. But here I am, with nothing but tomorrow to make and create the most wonderful of times for myself. My puppy is here with me, along for our journey ahead. I have all I need under this roof, and so much more than that to be grateful for. It will take some healing, this I know for sure, to move past the life threatening ride I was on before I left my old stomping ground. But I have my loyal pen and paper to tell the story along the way…
And that is exactly how I have continued to tell the story of my life. I have written almost everyday. Up to this very moment, where I find myself, sitting here, writing, well typing, the very words that make up the story of my life. This is just a little piece of my life I remember, when I moved away from my home town for the very first time.
This is a true story