Love Bites ~ Tryst Update

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Love Bites ~ Tryst Update

Wednesday. I’m at work. My life keeps on going… whether I like it or not. I’m not really sure how much more I can handle. Yesterday was really tough. I haven’t spoken to anyone about the events of yesterday, yet… I am kind-of going over things in my mind.

 

Yesterday I was reminded of some truths and wisdom’s:

 

“No one gives a real shit about you, except yourself.”

“Watch your own back. No one is going to do it for you.”

“Just because you hold yourself accountable for mistakes in life, doesn’t mean other people will.”

“It is much easier to point a finger at someone else.”

 And…

“People can be a real disappointment.” …Even the ones we love the most. When we realize that what we would do for them, far surpasses what they would ever do for us.

 

I can sit here and tell myself, oh, if it wasn’t for this, or that, or that person, I would never be in this situation. (( I know I am being very vague here, but I need some discrepancy, at least for the time being. )) But that kind of thinking is really unproductive. Yea, other people play a part in things, sometimes a real BIG part. And I doubt when times are tough, that those people want to admit they are responsible for some of the grief, or responsible for some of the suffering that another is going through. Who likes to admit they have played a part in fucking up someone’s life? I sure would feel really-stinkin-bad if I were a certain someone in my life right now… but that’s just me. My heart knows right from wrong. I have screwed up many things in my life, but I still know when I’m responsible for something. Which gets me to my point…

 

I can’t sit here and be mad at someone else. Sure, when I think back on the years, my life got really shitty there for a while, and it was half me, half them. They got the luckier/easier end of the stick, I didn’t. I did not have any of these problems before this person came into my life, so the proof is right there. There is nothing to argue about.

 

No one really prepares you for some things in life. My dad tells my that my heart is so good, kind & sensitive that it is not always a good thing. Sometimes, having a heart that cares like I do, I find myself suffering a lot more than I should because the inability to tell people to FUCK OFF and GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE. My dad is right. I have a very hard time saying that to people… most especially if I have a love for them, any kind of love, makes it that much harder.

 

I sit here and hear the words, over & over in my mind, “The only one who really cares about me is me…”

 

Today, Tryst family, I am reflecting on what is really best for myself. I have lost a lot in the last three years. A lot. What does my future look like if I don’t make some serious changes… There are too many things I want to do… Why the hell would I sacrifice anything in my life? …I shouldn’t have too… (More on this in my Daily Ref. )

 

Always have your BEST interests at heart!! DON’T sacrifice anything for anyone!! Trust me, life is short, and no one is worth it. (( I take that back… there are good people out there who are worth it, but they are few and rare… ))

 

I hope the day finds you all well Tryst Peeps. As for me, I have a life to think about. (( I hope this made any sense… I feel like I just went on a rant… but, even I, need a rant every once & a while! Life is hard!! People suck!! I have a right to rant, if I want, right? ))

 

~ Jen

 

Tryst Thought : How many times must my heart-break? I don’t know if I can keep defending someone who I know has done me wrong. I need not have to explain the words on this page either. For any intelligent person, this should be understandable. 

 

When you love someone, you don’t create more complications for them. You don’t throw them under the bus, and their well-being, even their freedom, just for your own selfish needs and problems. That is not love. That is not love at all.

 

 

*****
 
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17 responses to “Love Bites ~ Tryst Update

  1. I think I agree completely without knowing the details. I’ve often been described as a misanthrope, basically, someone who hates all people. While I generally don’t like most people, the ones I do like I like with pretty much everything I have. People suck, only put trust in the ones who trust you, and take care of yourself.

    • See, I don’t hate most people. I love most people who deserve to be hated by me!! Explain the sanity in that.. complete nonsense!! There is more.. I really just can’t put it on display.. (( Seriously wishing I was still down at the lake and that I never came back to the city..))

      • I’m not sure which is worse: to love most and pay for it or to dislike most and pay for it. Sorry for both of us perhaps. I’m ready for the beach in Bali or the cool north California coast.

      • Sounds fabulous!! I really wish I had just stayed down at the lake house and not even come back to the shitty city… ick! I got things in my hands right now that I do not want!!

  2. Whoever told you that the only person who gives a shit about you is yourself, is lying. There are plenty of people out there who care about your well being.

    You’re my friend, I read this and it makes me sad to know that you’re sad.

    I probably wouldn’t be much help to you in my current state, but know that I care and a whole bunch of other people care I’m sure of it.

    Your truest friends are those who stick with you…not only when you’re fine…but also when you’re at your lowest.

    • Alex, that is the sweetest thing to tell me right now. Thank you friend. I guess it’s not really nice to say that no one gives a shit, b/c for those who do, it may make me sound ungrateful… and I am not ungrateful!! I can assure you of that! I am a tender soul, very appreciative of my wonderful friends like you. Of course, not all people are of good souls, right? This is my sadness… it’s those peeps that make me cry. 😦

      • This may not make you feel a whole lot better, but with 7.1 billion people on earth, it is statistically impossible that they all be good people.

        All we can do, is avoid the bad apples we do encounter and make the best of our time with the good.

        Just remember, the sun will still come up tomorrow in all it’s morning glory. Time will tell us where we must go, it’s the beginning of our story.

        I guess it’s time to write 🙂

    • HOLLA!! That’s what’s up!! I felt better.. really.. I did!! Like, I got all that shit off my chest!! Us writers have that gift, to unload & distress with our ability to express with lingo. Word.
      XO~ thanks G baby. ♥

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