Rewind

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Rewind

Defeat

I refuse to be taken down

A constant reminder

Of a past that

Is no longer mine

You

Are the only negative

Holding me back

You

Are the past that

Is my detour off track

My future has no likeness

Of what I’m leaving behind

Except being with you

You try to make me rewind

Why are you even here

Your motive is to enable me

To fall

You steal my happiness

You don’t see my success

At all

I thought things would be different

But you haven’t learned a thing

You tear me down each time

You don’t let me be me

The tragedy is

I still seek your approval and pride

Sadly, you

Make me feel like I should run and hide

I am worthy of happiness

I am good enough to be loved everyday

I do not need to keep defending myself

I am wonderful no matter what you say

~J. Lefever~

(04/21/13)

*****

Tryst Truth – Tragically, the ones we love the most, are the ones who hurt us the most. It is common for some people, even as adults, to seek the approval of our parents. (Statistically speaking, I read that 1 in every 10 people deals with issues regarding their parents, either emotional damage, or approval seeking… I also read that the numbers may be greater than that but there are a lot of people who don’t admit to these things, or pretend like they don’t exist)  Just to hear the words, “I am proud of you” has become such a clutch for me, personally. I feel like it will never happen for me… no matter what I do. A persons actions will tell you their level of investment in your life. With that said, it is very clear that I am only fooling myself… I am a forgiving, hopeful fool… Who is only fooling herself to believe things will ever be different…

As it breaks my heart to say these things… it is my reality… it is my life. There are things that I do not get in life. As long as I’m struggling, seeking the pride & approval of two people who in 31 years has never given me any kind of real, positive encouragement… I will never be truly happy. I am happy with myself today, so I need to stop believing that I need anyone’s approval to be happy… except my own.

*****
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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
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11 responses to “Rewind

  1. Sometimes people also seek approval from their peers if they felt that their childhood was flawed, or if their early adult life was flawed. These may want approval for anything. From how they look, their accomplishments, writing and even … in some cases … love making.

    It is sad that this is the case all too often.

  2. I hope you can move on from your need for approval from them. If they haven’t given it to you by now I don’t think they ever will.

    You’re right. You need no approval other than your own. As long as you like who you are and are happy with who you are that’s all that matters.

  3. It is one of the oldest songs sung… All we want is for the love that began in the womb to be worth their journey…for them to say…I wouldn’t change a thing…you are perfect to me.

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