Daily Reflection (04/30/13)
You & Your Negativity
Hello Tryst Family!! How does the day find you? Wonderful & warm in the sunshine.. I hope!! Things have been very productive for me lately. It is only Tuesday and I am getting so much done this week! I love that feeling of great accomplishment when you know that you, and only you, are responsible for the great things that are happening in your life. It’s a good feeling for sure!!
As for the other side of things, well, the trial that is coming up for the person who took my brother from me has been pushed back another few months. There was actually a court appearance last week, but my mother didn’t feel it was important enough to call and tell me. Instead she took her daughter-in-law and her friends to this hearing, while I, her actual daughter and sister to the victim, sat at home, unaware that this event took place. My mother is really good at making me feel like I am not a part of this family. So, as the story continues to go, I have to figure out what is the best for me in my life. I am just too important to myself to not have my best interests at heart.
While the tears do fall for the unknown reasons why my mother shuts me out, there are parts of me that feel like I’ll never be enough. I have written on this before. But then I think about my life… my actual life… all the things I’ve done and all the things I am doing… and I realize that it is truly my mothers loss. She is missing out on a fun person in her life, because I am full of that stuff I call soulshine! I am also the spark of positivity that floats around my family… even after all the blah and tragedy. I still try to stay up-beat.
Someone said to me, “Your mother should be proud of you for the incredible changes you have made! Your life is completely different!” Maybe this is true… but I can’t force my mother to think things. I am just not that powerful. She thinks what she wants and honestly… she is the most negative piece in my life. I do not have that angry, negative and mean energy from anyone else. As a result, as sad as this makes me, I have to eliminate the negative piece from my life. I just don’t want anything to do with it.
Not to mention this gloomy, down in the dumps shit, she throws my past in my face every time I see her! And frankly, I do not live in my past anymore. Not any part of my yesterday is currently my today. I don’t need to defend myself either. I have my integrity at the end of the day, and with each rising sun, I know that I don’t deserve to be put through the emotional roller-coaster she sends me on every other month.
I don’t deserve it. I am better than that.
My reflection today is on negativity. When you are a negative person, everything in your life sucks. You are blinded from anything good, even when it is staring you in the face! You wake up angry or mad, and everything is just terrible. You certainly don’t like to see people happy and enjoying their lives because there you are, in your rain puddle, complaining about your life and everyone else. Of course, the negative people never hold themselves accountable for why they are always in a crummy mood. It is always someone elses fault. What someone else did or didn’t do. When really, they clearly don’t see that to the rest of the world, they aren’t fooling anyone but themselves. To the rest of the world, we can see that they project their crummy negativity on to others, especially their family and loved ones, when they really need to look in the mirror and realize that they are negative and crummy and it is all their fault. It is not the world around them.
It is obvious that a person is negative when they literally ‘fish’ for things to complain about when they should be practicing gratitude for the things they do have. What makes me even more sad and ashamed of people who act like this is when these people ‘preach’ about the exact things they are NOT doing… like being kind, compassionate, supportive, and forgiving… just to name a few… and yes, this directly relates to my situation.
(Shaking my head)
Life is too short to waste living like this. And if you find yourself alone, you might ask yourself why… if it really is everyone else that is the problem, then why is it YOU are the ONE ALONE? Maybe it’s time to start practicing what you preach, instead of being negative and crummy and pointing a finger.
I hope to spread positive things and messages in my life. I don’t walk with the negative because, truthfully, I can’t stand it. And while it makes me sad to have to realize that even my mother is one of those terribly negative elements in my life, I choose to eliminate it because I refuse to put up with the put downs. I just won’t do it anymore.
Have a great day Tryst Fam!! If you encounter a negative person… run the other direction!! XOXO
Tryst Thought : As people, we suffer from addictions. Some are addicted to booze, others pills… some are addicted to sex, or shopping or gambling… but then there are some who are addicted to drama and pain. I believe that there are some people who just do not know how to live happy and enjoy their time. Instead, they spend their whole lives being miserable and making those who they are around miserable too.
I am so grateful that I have a heart and soul that is not hooked on drama and pain…