Mind in the Morning

 

c8444d7e695bba5fd7cab7a10d6a02ba

Mind in the Morning

 

Awake

But barely

Eyes not quite in focus

I

Try to find a reason

To make something of my day

But my mind in the morning

Is a blank canvas

Staring back at me

Asking why I ignore it

And why don’t I give it color

 

Sometimes…

I prefer the blank canvas

Because other times

My mind in the morning

Is dripping with sadness

Of the pain

I visit in my dreams

O the things I’ve lost

The love that is confused

Personal dreams that sit idle

A life that is always in question

 

My mind in the morning

Can see what it wants

It knows what happiness looks like

And that happiness

Is far from here

Which is why

In the morning

Even when I am awake

I am not really awake at all

Just moving through the motions

Till the day I can go…

 

J Lefever

(05/18/13)

 

*****

imagesCAJZ4VYS 

 
 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 

 

Advertisements

10 responses to “Mind in the Morning

  1. I love the blank canvas. It means today will be just as awesome as any other day because I will not compare it. Time for new laughter and memories. Or just the new crazy ones, which is more like it for me.

      • Aw. Thanks hun. I’m just not as good sometimes as to putting the words out there. But blank days, so good. I need a whole bunch of them right now. I feel a need to make things start over, fresh page.

      • Girl… I would LOVE to start over!! I’m just barely keeping my head above water right now with all the things going on… and all the emotional stuff I am feeling.. LIfe is really tough sometimes… We really aren’t prepared for this stuff, huh?

      • I keep falling under. As soon as I feel I’m starting to put myself back together, I’m smashed to even smaller bits, making it so much harder to find the pieces and where they go. Like I’m just shattered and broken, bruised and bleeding.

      • …Oh… yes… you used the perfect words to describe these feelings… I completely understand and relate. Funny thing is, when I started to put back the broken pieces that I was accountable for, another area of my life became broken. It was when my brother got shot. Not I am above water for many of my self inflicted issues and personal doubts.. but then I am faced with the worst, most painful tragedy… that of losing my other half, my kid brother, my person who has always been here and should have always been… now he is gone and with the stages of grief, I’m up, I’m down, I’m all over the place… I write about being broken, and rain and the storms of life… I also write about being positive and full of soulshine, but it really just depends on the day. Everything is so temporary.. even emotion..

      • I completely understand. Trying to recover from rape, think it’s getting under control, then the abuse starts. Then it’s punch after punch thrown at me. As soon as one is put together, then the others are reshattered into the smallest possible pieces.
        I wish I could just hug you hun. I really want to. I am so incredibly sad about your brother and know if anything happened to mine, I don’t know how I would go on.
        HUGS

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s