Dark Intimidation

Hoping for a little feedback on this piece… I am submitting it for a poetry publication and I had to choose one piece from my collection of poetry and needless to say, I had a hard time. I went with this one for some reasons of my own, but to those who have read my words, I am curious to know… your opinion on this particular piece… Is it too short, too simple, too depressing,  too dark, too vague.. or it is deep, strong, sensitive, sad.. Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated. ~ Jen

517ddbbdeea800cc9a773cc0f29eef2f

Dark Intimidation

 

Sensitive, fear
Suffocating me
Covers every inch
Harboring me
Scream into its silence, but
No one hears a word
Darkness so thick
It muffles my tiny sound
Making my way
As if I’m in a maze
The puzzle is its chaos
Playing tricks on my mind
Luring me further & further
Down deep, to it’s very core
Obsessed by the challenge…

I find myself again
Without steel, iron or blade, only
Armed with my soul
Intimidated shamefully
Yet I push on through
To find a glimmer of light

In the thickness of you

 

~ J. Lefever ~

March 2012

 

*****

 167829523583932813_VbTtb5rp_b

 
 
©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
Advertisements

11 responses to “Dark Intimidation

  1. One thought – I wouldn’t leave that last line as a stand alone stanza, it seems theatrical for the sake of it – it is better and more cogent as part of the body of the second 🙂

  2. Actually I like the last line – it makes more sense to me that the sadness is about a lost love, or relationship. I too have felt these feelings and like the book, “The Shack” it is called the “dark night of the soul” and “the great sadness”. Totally get it.

  3. I tend to agree with Seb on the last line, to me, is just as powerful a statement when joined with the previous stanza. I love the line though, ties it together for me.

    Call me crazy, but while I feel the sense of foreboding and fear, to me overall it doesn’t feel dark. It feels empowering. That feeling, to me, is a hopeful one. There is a sense of perseverance in it, fighting on in spite of being intimidated. But then, I’m a little left-of-center sometimes. 😉

    Beautiful selection Jen.

    • Awe! Thank you so much!! My apologies for the delay in response.. my life has been incredibly busy.. I feel like I’ve not even had a moment to breathe!!

      Thank you for your kindness XoXo~

    • Thank you so very much! I did end up sending in this one, so I hope the publishers like it too!

      My apologies for the delay in response.. my life has been very busy and not giving me enough time in the day!

      So happy to have you on Tryst, of course!! XoXo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s