You Think You Know


You Think You Know

So you think you know

You think you have seen

You saw something outside

But I’m completely different


The things I am feeling

The emotions I am going through

Are too tragic and tough

Searching for answers

I wish I knew…

I try numb myself

Sometimes to get a break

From a life that has gambled

On my countless mistakes

But you can’t fake your heart

Everything it does is pure & good

I have only brought damage

To myself, misunderstood

The words of my soul

The poetry I speak

Is the real part of me

Self belief is what I seek

I’m good at hiding

Good at sabotaging my heart

In moments of weakness

You see me fall apart

I think of happiness

And joy and pleasure and light

I fear I’m not good enough

Or if I’ll ever feel right

You can’t judge from the outside

Or from a picture or a text

Real emotion stays hidden

Scarred like all the rest

Only the cruelest of cruel

Laughs at the display of suffering

But no one truly knows

The reason you are running

I never judge by looking

Because I never truly know

The path another is walking on

Cause the outside doesn’t show

The reality of emotion

Is always inside

It is what I battle

Within my own mind

~ J Lefever ~



30 responses to “You Think You Know

  1. Love hun. I swear, you’re reading my mind. I’ve been making TD write poetry with me this week. I’m not great, but need to get it out. I see images from past.. relationships and rape, and it’s helping. I’m understanding more why you write what you write. And why I love it so much.

  2. Hope you’re back.

    What you are going through
    You know I understand
    I’m always here for you
    If you need some to hold your hand

    I will always sit beside you
    Whether asleep or awake
    You can always rely on me
    For a hug you can take

    • Thank you dear friend.. I feel so broken.. busy in life and lost in emotion.. I feel like I’m broken into a million pieces, spread all over the place..

      Nothing feels right these days 😦

  3. There is always light when it is dark. Without the light, the dark would not exist and with out the dark, the light would not exist. It may be hidden to you now, but I know you can find it 🙂

  4. My heart aches when we are both absent. We are connected even in our silence…I can feel your heart reach out to me as mine reaches to you. I love you beautiful girl.

    • Awe… Hasty… these words are so true!! Have you been absent from the blogosphere too? It’s been weeks, 3 weeks, since I’ve written regularly … I am busy and sad and grieving and missing Dave and missing you and wanting to move away from KC so bad … I need to just call you so we can talk! I love you too pretty!! XO

      • Every time I pick up the phone to call something happens 😦 Why are things so crazy and hectic all at once huh? I know you are going through a lot…I wish i could give you real hugs and just hold your sorrows until they turn to joy.

      • Yes, I know the feeling!! Same here.. I don’t know what’s up lately, with everything that is going on … from the tornado down in your city to the hurricane of death that I’m dealing with … it sure is a lot!! I really want to come visit you. I need to leave the city for a couple of days. Is this something we can figure out, maybe 🙂 ?? I will book a flight, so I don’t waste time driving. Ah, just thinking of leaving makes me feel less stressed!

    • I love you so so much my sweet friend … I am spending some time on Tryst this morning, and oh, it feels good to write a little. Where has my inspiration been? I feel like I have literally been sucked dry of all my poetical forms of expression … but I am finally feeling like I am finding myself again. I don’t know what I’d do with out wonderful people like you!! XOXO I love you sweet friend!!

  5. Some days are tougher than we think it possibly can be…but i always stick to the line… the darker the night..the closer the day.. a lot of love and wishes that things sort out and you get to be ur ebullient self yet again… you are so bright that you HAVE to be happy 🙂

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