Daily Reflection on Tryst (05/06/13)

 

Daily Reflection (05/06/13)

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Bumps in the Road

 

Monday. Mid-day. I have frittata on the brain…. Seriously. I came across this frittata dish with carmalized cauliflower, creme’ fraiche’, paprika, and smoked mozz… of course with eggs and OMG!! My mouth is salivating, for real. Anyway… moving on…

 

How was everyone’s weekend? I sure hope it was great!! Mine was a day short, cause I worked 6 days this week, and yesterday, some classic family drama went down… never a dull moment, huh? I am not going to report the shit storm I went through yesterday, mostly because it’s so ridiculous this time, it’s not worthy of both my time and my words… Anyway… moving on…

 

Today, When I was driving to work, I hit a pot hole in the road. Clunk, clunk.. SHIT! I just got two new tires on my ride… Nothing was wiggling or vibrating, or felt abnormal, so I figured all was just fine. Just hit the pot hole, right? But isn’t that the story of my life? Aren’t I always falling in the pot holes?

 

This reminded me of that story, ‘There is a hole in the sidewalk’, or something like that… you can google it and probably find the story I’m talking about, it’s kinda been around… Or I’ll not be lazy and give you the LINK HERE!! OK! Now we are on the same page…

 

This little story has a really great message. Sometimes we make the same mistakes, even when we know that it can harm us, make things hard, difficult or painful. Yet, for some reason, some things in life are just harder lessons. Some things take falling down a few times before we learn to go the other way. We may repeat a mistake, but eventually, we learn to do the right thing for us. I hope you followed my link to the piece ‘There is a Hole in My Sidewalk’… this is a story that is used often in recovery. In regards to addiction, we fall down a lot before we finally chose the different road…

 

Today, think about the roads you have walked upon in life. How often have you fallen into a hole? How about a hole that you knew was there, yet you fall in it anyway?

 

We kick ourselves when we make foolish mistakes, saying, ‘WTF!! I totally knew better!!’ This is OK. It happens! As long as you hold yourself accountable for your actions & choices, instead of denying them. And if you ever apologize for something, know that if you are really sorry, you try not to do it again! That is the true meaning of being sorry.

 

I hope you all have a super day Tryst!!

 

XOXO ~ Jen

 

Tryst Thought : I know the part that hurts the most when it comes to what I am facing right now with the family… the fact that no one seems to hold themselves accountable for their part of things. I find it hard to wrap my head around the fact that some people really think they have done NO wrong, and even when they have someone standing in front of them, telling them how they have been hurtful, they still stand there and deny having any responsibility to their actions, basically telling me that my feelings are NOT valid… which is a very hurtful thing to say to someone.

 

Oh, and when words get put in my mouth that I NEVER said… that hurts too. I have made this statement before: Just because words come out of someone’s mouth, doesn’t make them true.

 

So, we fall into holes. Learn how to get out of the holes. Maybe fall in them again… but eventually, we get sick of falling and choose a different path.

 

XO

 

*****
 
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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

My Triumph

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My Triumph
 
The silence has been broken
By the music of my mind
Distant visions playing
With things I’ve left behind
 
 
 
It’s only just a moment
You know you’re better than this
Take control of your spirit
Control of anything you wish
 
 
I am guarded by many fences
In the center of things unknown
I am much more intricate
Then the things I may have shown
 
 
Inside of my sensitive soul
My innocence prevails
I have so much more to tell you
The words I speak entail
 
 
Consequently I’ve lost control
Running somewhere to be
I feel like it’s impossible
For me to freely be me
 
 
My air is thick and heavy
Surviving in my kingdom
I persevere in every moment
Having triumph in my freedom
 
 
I fly on my own wings
With the rising of each sun
Until my dying breaths
Into this world I come
 
 
 
~J. Lefever~
(04/18/13)
 
 
This is a piece of strength, acceptance and resilience… because I may fall down, but my soul is good and I never give up, I never stop fighting for myself and I never hand my spirit over to someone trying to put out my spark…
 
*****
 
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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 

Daily Reflection on Trystღ (03/21/13)

Daily Reflection (03/21/13)
 
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Acceptance
 
Let it snow! Let it snow! let it snow!
 
No. I am not kidding. No. I am not being sarcastic. It is the 21st of March and it is snowing again. Expecting 3 inches today and then 6 more on Saturday. I know. I can’t believe it either!!  
 
I could go on & on here about the longer delay in spring time, but I’m at that point where the subject has just been beaten to death. Everyone here in this city, on Facebook, Twitter, Google, YFrog, and Blog’s are all complaining of the long, cold winter we are still seeming to have. The cries have been hears, the tears have fallen, this winter sucked, and it’s still sucking!! WE KNOW JEN!! So, I’m finished.
 
I accept things the way that they are.
 
Do I have another choice?
 
This brings me to an important topic of reflection today. That of acceptance. Acceptance is a virtue that is something we should practice through out our lives. There are many things in life that are going to happen that we have no control over. There are mistakes that we may make, that we cannot change, and as a result, there are consequences that we just need to accept.
 
What comes with acceptance is a whole lot of attitude that makes dealing with life much better!! Not worse!! Did you think I was going to say a whole lot of attitude that sucks? Nope. When we learn to accept something, although we may or may not agree with whatever it is, we accept that it just is. We accept that we cannot change it. We accept that we need to deal with it, obviously, or we are the ones who end up making things that much worse for ourselves.
 
There ain’t shit I can do about the cold air. There just isn’t. I’m sorry peeps. I have no magical powers, I don’t know any magical spells, or witch craft, or Indian dances that can make things different outside. But what I can do is accept that although spring isn’t here yet, I’m sure it’s not far away. And with that kind of attitude towards things, I bet you will see me smiling and with that sprite that you are used to seeing in my steps!!
 
I hope your day was great, where ever in the world you are, and I hope your night is great as well!! ~ Truly, Jen 🙂
 
Tryst Thought: We can apply acceptance to so many things in life. And when we do, I can personally guarantee that life will be easier for you!! Having acceptance is having the demeanor of a grown, wise, patient adult. It is something that we should strive for when we are young.
 
The truly wise know when to fret and when not to. Trying to control things that we are powerless over, will leave us disappointed and unsatisfied.
 
Be realistic in your thinking, and your actions will follow.
 
Yes, the above ‘Tryst Words of Wisdom’ were written by Jen, straight from the mind of Jen.
 
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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Daily Reflection on Tryst (02/18/13)

Daily Reflection (02/18/13)

 Me & Mike

 The Wind of Change & Words of Wisdom of a Friend

 Off to a late start here Tryst! Sorry for the delay, but work has been busy this Monday morning in KC!! I stepped out of my house this morning and the air was nice, cool, but warm enough for a hoodie or a sweater. I like that kind of air!! The sky is gloomy though, and it’s just started to rain, which makes me wanna be home writing till my soul’s content. Oh, I wish, how I wish…

This morning I got a text message from a very dear friend of mine, someone who has been an important part of my life since I was just a young teenager girl, who knew nothing of the world but yearned to know everything. The wise words of Michal Fasone really got my mind thinking about things this morning, and at my request, he has allowed me to quote his wisdom here on my Tryst reflection..

“I can’t tell if I have changed and everything around me is the same, or if I’m the same and everything around me has changed” – Michal Fasone

As soon as I read those words, I thought, and then I read them again, and then I thought, and then I read them again. What a deep thing to say first thing in the morning. Michal and I have a really great friendship. We always have. He and I connect in a way that, is so unexplainable, even I can’t really find the right words. Time goes by, we each live our lives, but the paths of him and I always cross… and they have for over the last fourteen years. I have shared laughter with him, and tears too. We have travelled together and run all over this city of ours, making memories as we go. I know the things he goes through, and he knows my battles as well as my victories. And with the subject of change, shit, I have been there. My life has changed more in the last 12 months than any other time in my life. I know the discomfort of change. Change that is forced, that is.

I told him last night, that change is always uncomfortable. Especially forced change. When things happen in life, and it forces our lives to make different routines and patterns, we are always a little, if not a whole lot, sad, pissed off, mad, depressed, angry, resentful, and so on. Who said I wanted this change anyway!! When forced to do anything we don’t want to do, we naturally don’t like it. Change is tough.

Eventually, we digest the changes, and life starts to balance out a little. We reach out to friends and family and try to make new habits, or routines, and life goes on. Right? Life always goes on.

Changes mark the end of something. But with every end, there is also a beginning. And beginnings can mean a whole world of new things and possibilities. We get so stuck in the discomfort of the change that we aren’t even aware of all the possibilities that come with the new beginning, the fresh start. After last year came to an end, I was writing on Tryst about these things, like change, and fresh starts, new beginnings. I was desperately trying to be positive about moving forward and passed last years tragic events. Talk about a change… I’m having to adjust to being my parents only child, granted I’m not a child, but we lost Dave, my brother, their son… this is a forced change that will be the most difficult to endure, I’m sure. This forced change brings up all of those emotions I mentioned above, sadness, anger, etc. So with the new year, I wrote and wrote about starting fresh and being open and aware of my possibilities.

This is the advice I am trying to pass along here. To my friend Michal, who is one of the greatest friends I’ve ever had, one of the most beautiful spirits I have ever had the gift of knowing, keep your precious eyes open. What lies ahead of you, no one knows, but I know who you are, and wonderful things happen to wonderful people. It’s just the way it is. Sometimes, it takes a little longer for things to fall into place, but they will.

Remember, when one door closes, another opens!! This is so true..

Patience is a hard thing to have sometimes. We want, what we want, when we want it!! Why not, right? But life doesn’t work like that for us. So hang in there… it’s all gonna be OK!!

Pain is immeasurable. No one’s pain is greater or worse than someone elses. You are allowed to feel what you are feeling. And what comes from pain is strength.

Today, Tryst friends, if you are going through a change, or some big changes, go easy on yourself. Adjust smoothly to them, and don’t get overwhelmed!! One day, after you have moved passed the change, you will wake up and think, ‘was I really freakin out like that’!!

I wish you all a beautiful Monday!! ~ Jen

Tryst Thought: Today I learned something new about a good friend of mine. I saw another piece of his spirit that was truly amazing. I have much gratitude for having him in my life, I am blessed to call him my friend. His few words touched me in such a deep, inspirational way… And because of him, I get to share his wise words!! Thanks Mike.. you know I love you dearly!! ~J

meandmikey

©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication Speak
 

A Little Prayer on Trystღ

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A Little Prayer
 
 
Fallen down on bleeding knees
On the dirty road, you find me
Looking up towards the sky
So down low, far from high
 
I’m like a shallow, empty cup
Filled with nothing, out of luck
Years it took to get me here
Why am I still chasing fear
 
Cloaked in what I thought I knew
Tricked again by thoughts of you
Tell me now, on bleeding knees
What to do, I beg you please
 
Those I’ve lost, I understand that
The ones I have, don’t have my back
Then why oh why be still persistent
When all I need is cruel resistance
 
Yes I’ve learned from yesterday
Why is it still hard to pray
Afraid I may forget my faults
Gamble and risk my glorious results
 
So here I am on bended knee
Humbled, I am surrendering
Make me wise, I swear I’ll listen
Bless me with my definition
 
~ J. Lefever ~
(02/12/13)
 
This is just a little prayer..
A little prayer with big meaning, yes, but not really pain, or regret, or fear of any kind..
This is really just a little poetic prayer…
 
 
 
 
©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 

Daily Reflection on Trystღ (02/06/13)

Daily Reflection (02/06/13)

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  Accepting the Bullshit

 Hey there, all my Tryst companions! I’m having a hard time getting going this morning. It’s Wednesday and it feels like it should be Friday! Meaning, this week is dragging ass, moving way too slow, and it’s only half way over! Sheesh! I’m not in the mood for a bunch of bullshit today, so I pray to the Serenity God that my day runs by smoothly… (Usually when I find myself in a ‘No-Bullshit’ kind of mood, those are the days when it’s full of bullshit and inconvenience) It’s like the cosmic realm knows I’m cranky and short-tempered and uses it to test my patience, in any way it can, through-out my whole day.

 Since I wake up chirping most mornings, ha-ha yes, that is what I said, chirping, meaning I’m a happy-optimistic, (as you all may be learning by now, with the exception of the poetry I write about addiction), days like this just go to show that I am just a person, who is far from perfect, and that we all have bad days, no matter who we are, what we have, what we do, and so on… We are all similar in that aspect. We have up days, down days, good moods, bad moods, we have lots of patience, we have next to no patience, we have smiling faces, we wear frowns too, and so on. Life hands us different things all the time, and we need to roll with it.

 My reflection this morning is acceptance. I must acknowledge and accept my shitty mood, and try to get through the day. I gotta accept the bullshit because I have a job to do, and people count on me! I can’t just go home, even though I really wish I could. I have to get through this Wednesday!

For any of you that have to deal with some bullshit today, maintain some acceptance, understanding that it just is what it is for now, and you’ll get through it. You know that it’s just a day, and day’s all come to an end. So by the end of the day, you will say, and me too, ‘Hell yeah, I got through that bullshit!’

 

Today, practice some acceptance.

Accept whatever comes your way, well within reason, if it’s completely unacceptable… use your best judgement! 😉 wink~

Acceptance means that you may not completely agree with something, but you understand it.. Whatever it is…

 

I hope you all have a great day!! ~ Jen

 

©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication