Daily Reflection on Tryst (04/10/13)

Daily Reflection (04/10/13)


Time Management.


Rain is falling on Wednesday… Rain falls hard from the sky today. I don’t know what it is about the rain, but it always makes me feel in touch with my artistic expressions. It makes me want to write all day, allowing my heart to speak, and my soul to spill out all of its words!! Instead, I have had a million errands to run today, with no umbrella, so needles to say… I am a little damp!! …I don’t mind…


My dreams were interrupted last night by the loud booming of thunder in the sky. As my eyes popped open, and I lay there, gathering my current state of mind, and other random dreaming thoughts, I decided to roll out of bed and go to the kitchen and make peanut butter & honey in a tortilla, which is so yummmm…


Rain was pattering my kitchen window hard and quiet strikes of lightning would flash across the sky, followed by the rumble of the thunder as I stood in my kitchen… thinking of things…


Sometimes, our thoughts visit us and they do us no good. Have you ever talked yourself into something that is much less than you thought? Have you ever made things a bigger deal in your head?


Don’t believe everything you think!!


In the past few weeks, I have had a lot going on… to say the least. It can be hard to maintain a balance in your life, when you are being pulled in so many directions. When you have to be so many places, there just isn’t enough time. Or when you need to do one thing in order to do another, yet, your time is pulling you away from it with another arising problem or obligation… I mean, phew!! I feel like a juggling act at the circus!! Like, lets see how much shit we can pile on top of Jen before she collapses!!


I also try to make time to eat, rest, read, and write (which has been seldom lately due to my ever so busy life) and to do something fun! It is important to make time for fun & laughter!! Laughter is the very best medicine, and very good for the soul!!


So, am I managing my time well? No. Not really. I could do better. I’m behind on my writing, on my reading, and my e-mails are piling up. I am working a full-time job on top of balancing my volunteer work and I am facing a murder trial next month for the person who killed my brother. (As if that isn’t enough stress… there is more…)


I know that we can’t get the answers to all these perplexing life boggles… but we can always reach out, for help or just to talk, and if you are like me, a proud proud person… it is OK to need a helping hand!! ((I sometimes fall because of my refusal to ask for help… I feel, too much pride to ask for such a thing and quite frankly, I don’t like the attention)) But this truth is foolish!! In reality, we are human. I am human. I am not perfect. I cannot get everything done all at once. And if I need a little help just to breathe or balance myself out, that is perfectly normal.


For the few things I left out of my BIG TO-DO LIST up there… it’s because they are a bit more private. But regardless, this woman has a lot going on in her busy life!! I am trying to make myself aware that I need to manage my time better, in order to get all my obligations done and goals met.


I hope the day finds you well!!


Where ever you are, open your eyes and look for something that is remarkable that you may not have noticed before…Trust me, there are things to see that you have not noticed before!! No moment is ordinary… find the remarkable…




Tryst Thought : Remember… Don’t believe everything you think!! Sometimes our minds can poison us a little… believe it or not!!


©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Irony on Tryst


Isn’t it Ironic? ~ Tryst Irony

For those of you who have been reading my posts the last day, or two, know that I’ve written a strand of pieces with a common theme. Dishonesty. Yes, I had the Evening Reflection last night where I wrote about a little lie that I had to deal with yesterday, followed by a couple of poetic pieces, to better, and creatively express my deep feelings that come with telling a lie.

I got some great feedback and comments from some of you, and it seems that we all agree when we say that we don’t like those little things called lies, or a person who tells them!! Either way I put it, I got lied to yesterday and it did not feel very good. And what would have been a small situation turned into this huge, dramatic, emotionally chaotic, and irrational lunacy that ended up with some broken trust and bad feelings. Needless to say, it’s pretty much a universal truth & understanding, more like a fact, that trust, once broken, is a bitch to get back. On both sides. It’s a bitch to gain back, and a bitch to give back.

So, I was reading my e-mails and I’m one of those free spirits who is in to the stars, and moon, and all things earth & astrology. I check my horoscope daily. I’m not going into detail here, and I could because I know a lot about astrology… a lot… but I thought my horoscope for today was a bit ironic! Although it didn’t really pertain to me, I think it wold have been better suited for someone elses astrological sign, but I want to share it anyway:


You might have to make a choice between telling the truth and lying today, Leo. In some circumstances, this can be difficult, especially if you’re afraid you will hurt someone’s feelings. Keep in mind that a lie can take more energy than the truth. Consider what you would want the other person to do in your place. Stick to your morals and ethics even if it’s tough.

Ironic, huh?

I read that and thought, this isn’t advice for me because there won’t be any debate for me over whether or not I need to lie or tell the truth!! I have nothing going on that I need to hide!! (Wow, just realized what a good feeling that is… any addict would know what I’m talking about…)

The world is funny sometimes… How it delivers its messages to you… That;s why it’s important to always be awake and aware of your life… You don’t want to miss one of your signs…

Follow this link to get to the horoscope page… if you want to cruise your own wisdom of the stars.

J. Lefever


©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

A Little Prayer on Trystღ

A Little Prayer
Fallen down on bleeding knees
On the dirty road, you find me
Looking up towards the sky
So down low, far from high
I’m like a shallow, empty cup
Filled with nothing, out of luck
Years it took to get me here
Why am I still chasing fear
Cloaked in what I thought I knew
Tricked again by thoughts of you
Tell me now, on bleeding knees
What to do, I beg you please
Those I’ve lost, I understand that
The ones I have, don’t have my back
Then why oh why be still persistent
When all I need is cruel resistance
Yes I’ve learned from yesterday
Why is it still hard to pray
Afraid I may forget my faults
Gamble and risk my glorious results
So here I am on bended knee
Humbled, I am surrendering
Make me wise, I swear I’ll listen
Bless me with my definition
~ J. Lefever ~
This is just a little prayer..
A little prayer with big meaning, yes, but not really pain, or regret, or fear of any kind..
This is really just a little poetic prayer…
©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Soul-Mates <3

imagesCA6WLJLT  My Souls Mate…

The very thought of just one person being meant for each of us, leaves us with a very unattainable love situation.  With the population of the world being over six billion, you mean to tell me that if soul-mates exist, I have a one in six billion chance of finding that person…?  Huh!  So, this makes me smirk a little at the vast ridiculousness of the whole situation.  And thinking about all of the people we will meet in our life time, how is it that, again, only one single person, will touch our souls in such a remarkable and memorable way, in such a way that we instantly know that this is the one soul parallel to mine, or yours, that I, or you, is meant to be with, for the rest of my, or your, life?  How can we possibly know that?!?  

There are many things to take into consideration here, as well.  Like how we grow and change so much every year.  With that growth, our wants and needs change too.  I certainly don’t want the same things that I did, say, ten years ago.  More recent than that, my wants and needs are different now than they were five years ago!  I have found myself to be much more independent.  I think about my future all the time, as opposed to living flying by the seat, sporadic and spur of the moment, when my motto was still ‘Carpe Diem’ and I’s sooner die than to live with any regrets!  Fortunately, as I have aged, I am much more calm and settled into myself.  I have found the real important things for myself and my soul.  I have, in my thirty-one years, really molded into my identity.

With that said, I am also a married woman.  I think about this concept of soul-mates and sometimes I like to believe that the man I chose to stand with for the rest of my life, is in fact my souls mate… but… also… the probability of me being so lucky as to find my soul-mate, against the statistics and all the odds, I find very unlikely.  Not to be a pessimist, but I am not very lucky.  Fortunate, yes… but lucky, no!!  If there is a lottery, I won’t be the winner.  If there is a raffle, I won’t be taking home the prize.  If there is a bet to make, I won’t be cashing in on that either… get my point?  I’m not lucky.  So, did I marry my soul-mate?  In the grand scheme of things, was I lucky enough in life to have actually found the mate to my soul…?

Maybe we have two soul-mates?  Maybe we can have a hundred!  If you ask me, I can tell you that my soul seeks different things from different people, but my soul also seeks things every day.  Maybe what we are looking for one day, can be found in crossing paths with someone.  I know that there have been times in my life that I’ve met someone, and only once, and they have touched my soul in a very memorable way.  Sometimes, someone says something, and it’s exactly what I needed to hear that day… strange how the world works, when a total stranger can mend some part of you, with a few words, without even knowing it.  It circles back to the paradox of this world, and how many unanswered questions we all have.


Is there really one person in this world that is meant for me? And when we are born, are we each cosmically matched up with one soul mate..?  With such small chances of us actually finding this person.. how many of us actually do? How many of us actually don’t.  Is the idea of soul-mates something that the hopeful romantics use to keep their hearts beating?  If so, what’s wrong with that anyway?  I don’t think that people should feel left out or tragically sad if their life changes and the person they thought was their soul-mate suddenly changes.  I think that is ok!  Maybe you have learned all you were intended to from that one soul, and now it’s time to move on the next one that’s going to leave remarkable and memorable impressions on your heart.

I like the idea of soul-mates… but my theory of these soul-mates is not traditional!  But then again, there is nothing traditional about me!!  That is all for now… ❤

~ Jen

Existential Crisis & the Abyssian

  What freedom’s lie on the horizon of my life?

Staring at the screen, I find myself looking at such endless possibilities. Earlier tonight I focused a little bit on all of the things I have gone through to bring me to this point. There are, you see, many things that have made my life unique, personal, different and challenging. I wouldn’t trade places with anyone on this earth.

What am I searching for? Am I satisfied? No. I want more. Perfectionism? No. I know better. Contentment? Yes. That sounds great. As I look back, as I look forward, I realize that I’m aware of my past, but I cannot be obsessed with it.  I need to focus on the present. However, I am aware of the things in which I desire in the future. But nothing will get me there unless I’m conscious of what choices I make now. This is not me preaching, its me teaching only myself because ultimately, that’s all that really matters.  At this point, with all of my wandering thoughts, I can’t help but wonder, am I having an existential crisis?

Existential crisis – is a stage of development at which an individual questions the very foundations of their life: whether their life has any meaning, purpose or value; whether their parents, teachers, and loved ones truly act in their best interest; whether the values they have been taught have any merit; and whether their religious upbringing may or may not be founded in reality.

How is this happening? My over analytical mind is in over drive, but, isn’t it always? I have been informed that existential crisis may result in the sense of being alone and isolated in the world; or a new-found grasp or appreciation of one’s mortality; hum, very interesting… yes, these hit home for me right now.  But also, believing that one’s life has no purpose or external meaning.  I have had this crisis before yes, much more so in the last two years, but as for present moments, no, not so much.  It is also said that existential crisis may result in an awareness of one’s freedom and the consequences of accepting or rejecting that freedom.  Ah wow!! Post prison, I wake up everyday with a sense of ultimate freedom, appreciation for my freedom.  I appreciate all the things that I am free to do, things that we all have as American’s that sadly, so many of us take for granted. So sad…

What does it mean to truly be free?

Yes please!! Put me on a beach and my spirit is truly free!! I can feel free generally anywhere outside when I’m surrounded by the elements of the earth.  But freedom’s and what it truly means to be free is different for some people, I think.  Freedom is said to be; being able to make choices. Performing an action of your own choosing.  Freedom will always be relative to the environment/situation which you inhabit.  So, with all of the realities that I face, personally, in the life that I call mine, are my possibilities and said freedom’s freaking me out?

Shaming your freedom – You are the catalyst of your crisis, if that’s what you choose…

I sat with a dear friend a few nights ago and we talked about the reality of hard work.  There is this person in my life, who, let’s just say, has it real good.  She has it so good, in fact, that I could honestly compare her to living the ‘Kardashian life’.  I coin this term relatively speaking about a certain celebrity family who is all over TV and Hollywood.  They are only famous for their money, not their talent, as they don’t really have any.  I’m sure everyone knows the Kardashians. (I am a fan of the show, so don’t think I’m bagging on them, they just have it real good…)  They have it so good that their lives are a fantasy for the rest of us, hard-working people, and to think about living that life for just one day, seems too good to be true.  The person in my life that lives this way is a direct member of my family.  She doesn’t have to worry about a thing.  Her life consists of trips to the spa, mani’s and pedi’s, lunches and shopping, vacations and luxury homes, and spending thousands of dollars on beads and jewelry, just to name a few.  She doesn’t have to work and has a great husband who has provided this lovely life for her.  She is so well taken care of, living the life of up most luxuries, anything she wants, but she is the most ungrateful person I know.  Sadness strikes my heart listening to her say that, ‘she has nothing’.  How, I ask myself daily, how is she so blind to the blessings and freedoms that she has?

The Abyssian – A person undergoing an existential crisis and is in touch with the emptiness of life.  Hum… Let my mind wander on that for a minute…


There have been many up’s and down’s in my life.  Moments of true bliss, and also of utter sadness.  But I can say from experience that, when I am loving life, like I am at present time, then my life sure does love me right back.  I don’t point a finger, or look to others for reasons of either unhappiness or for reasons of happiness.  I have found it within… for now… and I’m holding on to it!!  My opportunities are great.  I am facing realities that are pulling me in different directions, so my existential crisis, has me consciously aware that I an in touch with my soul, because if I wasn’t, there would be no need for the crisis of existence to begin with.  I am facing these realities as a direct result of the awareness of my freedom’s, so I’ll embrace that, instead of fear it…

That is all for now…

~ Jen


The History of The Sacred Milagros

Milagros is the Spanish word for miracles. Spanish Milagros hold a very magical and spiritual representation of ‘wishes’ for good fortune, good luck, healing powers, and even little miracles that people may wish for. Milagros are given in the form of little charms that are made from gold, silver, copper or brass. They are offered to a Saint by the faithful believers, believing that they hold spiritual power that can heal, help, provide or improve upon the things that will help our overall well-being. They are also given in forms of gratitude for prayers that have been answered. These delicate little charms, Milagros, symbolic of our wishes and prayers are made into anything which represents those wishes or prayers, like: if we wish for a new addition to the family, a little baby Milagros may be given. For a wish or prayer for help with a physical ailment, a part of the body is given. For prayers of love, you often see a heart. They are typically nailed, pinned or hung from ribbons on crosses, altars, shrines or sacred objects. They are also carried, worn or pinned on clothing for protection and good luck. In Mexico, the use of Milagros are often connected with a common practice, known as a “Manda”. This where a person will ask saint a favor, and then, in order to repay the saint after the favor has been granted, makes a pilgrimage to the saint’s shrine, and leaves a Milagros with a small written prayer of thanks.

Milagro charms, Symbols & Meaning

HEARTS – These can represent the human heart, or may be connected with the worries over a heart condition. They might represent the love that one person feels for another. They can also represent the Sacred Heart of Jesus or the Sacred Heart of Mary.

The milagro of the eyes is often connected with a popular Mexican saint – Santa Lucia – who, in her popular image, is shown carrying a tray with two eyes. People pray to her – and make mandas to her – about eye conditions. The eyes can also represent the concept of watching. One practice is to attach the milagro to the frame of the image of a deceased person, in the belief that the spirit of that person is watching over us, helping to defend us from spirits from the land of the dead, or pleading our case before the saints and the angels.

Various body parts, such as kidneys, livers, lungs, ears, noses, breasts, lips/mouth as well as the better known arms and legs are usually used when asking for help with a particular ailment of the identified part (ie Lung cancer, Kidney stones, hearing loss, etc.)

Students will often use Milagros of books, notepads or pencils.

This popular milagro can represent a woman, such as ones’ mother or wife, or any other woman who is perceived as being faithful. It can also represent any female saint, such as the Virgin Mary, for instance.

This milagro can represent a man, such as ones father or husband, for instance, or any other man who is perceived as being faithful. It can also represent any male saint, such as the San Isidro, for instance, who is always shown in a praying posture.

A milagro of woman’s head might represent a woman, a woman’s head, a woman’s mind, a woman’s spirit, or a condition such as a headache.

A milagro of man’s head might represent a man, a man’s head, a man’s mind, a man’s spirit, or a condition such as a headache.

This popular milagro might represent one’s female child, niece, grandchild, or any other girl. It might also represent the childlike qualities in anyone, such as oneself, in the sense of nurturing ones inner child, for instance. It can also be connected with a manda to a saint, wherein one might have prayed to give birth to a baby, and as a result of these prayers, a girl child was born.

This very popular milagro might represent one’s male child, or a nephew, a grandchild, or any other boy. It might also represent the childlike qualities in anyone, such as oneself, in the sense of nurturing ones inner child, for instance. It can also be connected with a manda to a saint, wherein one might have prayed to give birth to a baby, and as a result of these prayers, a boy child was born.

The milagro of the arm might represent an arm itself, and some condition associated with it, such as an injury, or, an arthritic condition. It might also represent ones strength, ones ability to work – and hence ones job – or some related concept. It might represent an embrace, and physical demonstrations of affection that involve embracing.

This milagro might represent ones leg itself, and some condition associated with it, such as an injury, or arthritic condition. It might also represent ones strength, and the concept of travel, such as a journey, or even the idea that one might be safe driving back and forth from work everyday.

Houses usually represent ones own home, and the blessings upon the family that lives there. It can also represent the hope of owning a home, or it can represent blessings on another home. It might also represent any other building that is like ones home away from home. When traveling, it can be a charm to ensure that one will arrive safely home again, or it can establish a connection between the traveler and the loved ones at home.

The hen is actually a very powerful symbol, as are all of the animal Milagros. This one, like the others, might represent ones own hen, with one seeking blessings so that she might always lay good eggs. Or, it might symbolize human qualities like those of a mother hen – the concept of mothering.

The bull might symbolize strength, protection, stamina, endurance.

The horse might symbolize the qualities of a man in being a workhorse, or it might symbolize travel, and be involved in a prayer about a journey.

The mule, like the horse, might symbolize the qualities of a man in being a workhorse – being able to “work like a mule” – or it might symbolize travel, and be involved in a prayer about a journey. It might also be involved in a prayer or a charm to overcome stubbornness in either in oneself or in another.

The sheep could symbolize any of the Bible verses about sheep, such as the parable of the Good Shepherd, or the Lamb of God. It could also symbolize the concept of togetherness, or family. It might also be used a charm to try to erase the effects of behavior that is typically described in a negative way as being like that of a sheep – such as giving into peer pressure with negative results, or, say, the concern of a parent that her child my be involved with a harmful cult or some other group that one does not approve of.

The family dog Milagros could symbolize loyalty. It could also symbolize protection.

The pig could symbolize nourishment – “bringing home the bacon“. It might also be used a charm to try to erase the effects of behavior that is typically described in a negative way as being like that of a pig, such as perceived lack of control in ones eating habits.

My Milagros ~

image …each day I get lost for a little while… in a dream

There have been many things that I have wished and prayed for. Sometimes I get my wish, and most times… I don’t. I really liked learning about the Milagros. I think it’s a sweet tradition and I like the message behind it. It’s alright to hope, to wish and to pray. Not only for yourself, but for your loved ones too. It’s important to wish and pray for the right things, to avoid wishing for unreasonable and selfish things. Someone once said to me, “People buy lottery tickets, day after day, week after week, year after year, and never win. But they keep hoping, wishing and praying that they do. They never lose faith. People pray to a higher power or a Saint for something, just one time, and when they don’t get it, all hope and faith is abandoned.” Why?

It has taken me many years to find faith and spirituality within myself. I have a better sense of it now more than I ever have. I don’t use faith to ask for selfish things, unreasonable things, or impossible things. I have learned to be humble when I turn to faith and spirituality, to respect it for what it is. What it is to me, believing that there is something greater out there, and finding ways to connect my spirit to that greater force. I am always extremely grateful when I experience a spiritual moment, when I feel the connection… (this usually only happens when I’m out in the world, in nature, like on the beach or in the mountains). I lived in Salt Lake City, Utah, for five wonderful years and I had more miraculous moments of spiritual connection out there in the mountains than I have anywhere else… ever! Sitting on top of a mountain and feeling how tiny and insignificant you are compared to the world, is a very spiritual experience. (I miss Salt Lake terribly…)

Giving thanks for my Milagros ~

There are many miracles that I have been given in my life. Milagros that I’m already aware that I possess. Deep inside my heart and spirit, I keep my Milagros safe, just for me. That is where they stay. Although I am aware of the wonderful Milagros that I have been given, I don’t become blind that I can lose them at any time. Nothing is forever. Not all things are permanent. Nothing can be promised until the end of time. We are all little Milagros ourselves, our life is a Milagro. I give thanks for my Milagros. I am grateful to be aware of my Milagros. I hope, pray and wish that i always remain aware of them and the miraculousness of their presence in my heart, mind, spirit and faith.

~ Jen Lefever

The way I figure it, everyone gets a miracle. Like, I will probably never be struck by lightening, or win a Nobel Prize, or become the dictator of a small nation in the Pacific Islands, or contract terminal ear cancer, or spontaneously combust. But if you consider all the unlikely things together, at least one of them will probably happen to each of us. I could have seen it rain frogs. I could have stepped foot on Mars. I could have been eaten by a whale. I could have married the Johnny Depp or survived months at sea. But my miracles are different. My miracles are personal to my life story…
…this is me~

Other’s Milagros ~

“Miracles are what happens when you get out of the way of yourself.”
― Brad Szollose

“There are days when I think I don’t believe anymore. When I think I’ve grown too old for miracles. And that’s right when another seems to happen.”
Dana Reinhardt
“Each moment of worry, anxiety or stress represents lack of faith in miracles, for they never cease.”
― T.F. Hodge

Written in the Stars


Fate. Can you make a mistake and miss your fate?

The space between the stars in our galaxy is so large, its vastness is quite unimaginable to the human mind. The stars are so far away, that when we look at them, up in the sky, they are only tiny little sparkles of light.  There are hundreds of millions of them are sprinkled against the dark, black galaxy.  So many more than we can even see, they are infinite.  We have, in the history of our existence, always been curious about the possibilities that our eyes allow us to see when we look to the sky, to our atmosphere, and to our galaxy.  And our galaxy is not the only one that is out there.  We are not the only galaxy, by far!  Through scientific studies we have measured it, the millions of miles between our world, our stars and other galaxies, but how do we know for sure that we have measured it accurately?  If you Google ‘galaxies’, it will tell you that there are 30,000 galaxies, approximately, up in our atmosphere!  That is truly Amazing! 

Today I have been thinking about fate. Fate or destiny is often regarded as the “course that life takes” and karma is one of the factors that influence this course. People often believe that fate cannot be changed, but is this really true?

Fate is known to be a predestined path that we each have, unique to our own lives.  Fate is known to be out of our control.  It is understood that, according to the placement of the stars and planets in the sky at the exact time of a person’s birth, those things determine a person’s character and their fate.  That which is said to be, ‘written in the stars’, our fate.  But, what is fate really?  And how do we know that fate really exists?  The Buddhists believe that, “Your destiny is shaped according to the combination of conditions pre-determined at birth and other factors that you are able to change through your own efforts.”  And see, that right there, is my question!  In a person’s life, if we wander off our ‘path’, ARE WE MISSING OUR FATE?

If a person’s fate is decided by a complex combination of conditions and factors, then it would seem we can’t change, or shape, or miss our fate. Some of these factors are already decided at the time of a person’s birth and some of them come into play later and shape the course further. There are five factors that form our fate or destiny: 1) tendencies of our soul, also known as karma. 2) family environment. 3) social climate. 4) our own efforts and self-discipline. And 5) the influences of other people.  Amongst the factors that shape our fate or destiny, some of them are settled and some are not.  It means that we have a certain scope to change our fate or destiny by our own efforts.  Factor 2 (the family environment) and factor 3 (the social climate) are elements that should be called the “destiny that is decided” before we are born; however, there is a great secret involved in these too. Namely, before each reincarnation we draw up a plan for our spiritual training and we are born having agreed to such details as our parents, the environment, the social climate and our gender. However, as soon as we are born into this world, we forget it.  Wow. 

So, am I living by my fate?  Am I, have I always been, on my path to my fate?  What about all of the hard moments, the bad choices and the tragic things that I have been through that were not of my choice and out of my control?  Have all of my moments been pre-determined for me?  Written in my fate?  Or have I, by the freedom of choice and by free will, led myself astray, down other paths, leading me into things that are far from what my fate had planned for me?  There are no tangible answers to these questions… and that drives the analytical part of my mind freakin crazy!!  I want to know if fate really exists!! 

What else do I know?  I know that we have the freedom of choice, as I have already said.  There is also karma.  Now I’m a firm believer in karma.  Karma is the, ‘you get what you give,’ the ‘what comes around, goes around.’  I have witnessed truths in these things!  Karma is very real, and it is very patient!  Karma watches and it waits.  For those people who think they can always come up on top by screwing people over, pushing others down to benefit themselves and by celebrating in the suffering of others, karma knows.  Karma will find you… where ever you are.  With this in mind, I believe that karma plays a big part in a persons fate.  How couldn’t it?  Buddhists say that karma is fate that cannot be escaped from.  (smiling… I think karma is bad ass)  We also have responsibility.  We are responsible for ourselves, for our choices, and our choices shoulder the outcomes for the results of our own mistaken decisions.  There is always a cause for everything, and that cause is always created by ourselves. 


 So, can we shape & conquer our fate?

The starting point to shaping our own fate is to abandon the cowardly attitude of blaming other people or our environment for our present unhappiness or mistakes; we must adopt the stance that “everything is our own responsibility.” Yes!  Nothing disappoints me more than watching someone point their finger at someone else, someone who is not accountable for anything.  In addition, it is important to change the state of our mind, reflect on the tendencies of our own soul and break free from committing the same mistakes again.  I have worked very hard to not only be accountable but to also break free from my past, not re-visit mistakes, and build a real sense of integrity.  And… this feels extremely good!  🙂

I believe that if I observe myself and others with an enquiring mind, if I minutely analyze the habits, tendencies, strengths and weaknesses of my soul, and if I continually strive to change myself and discard my current self: then I will be able to guide my fate into the kind of life that fulfills the desires of my soul. 

When I have a problem or when I am going through something tough, I tend to think/feel like it’s a much bigger deal than it really is… looking up at the sky, I can, for the moment, get out of my head and tell myself how little & insignificant I am compared to the miraculous wonders of this universe. Can you even imagine…?  I do believe in fate.  I believe that we are also the guide of our fate.  I think that the ‘pre-destined’ elements that are layed out for us at birth are there, but it’s up to us to lead the rest of the way.  Like the saying, ‘I’ll lead you to water, but you must teach yourself to drink,’ in my life, I have been lead through part of the way, but it’s up to me to keep walking, and to choose which way I’ll go.  Fate has lead me here, and karma has my back, so tomorrow I am blessed with another day on my path, let’s see which way I choose to go…

~ Jen

Get Real.

Just to make this understood, I am not an intellect, I am not a Aristotle or Socrates, I am not a genius of any kind.  I am, however, a thinker.  I have my own philosophy.  I am analytical.  I wonder, I ponder, I seek and I find.  I’m curious, eager, and hungry to learn.  I am a writer of my own thoughts, I am a writer of my own steps.  I crave understanding, of logic and reality, of truth and irony, of good and bad, of all reasons why this or that… 

I put things together in my mind a certain way.  I pull them out and use words to make them tangible.  I write things that rhyme and things that don’t.  Poetic, yes, but other times just un-cut, and raw.  I am a woman who smiles and cries.  Who hurts like you and who feels joy and euphoria too.  I fall down, I get back up.  I do things wrong and do things right.  I learn by trial and error, I learn by me.  I am aware of my soul and what it likes, exactly.  I’m aware of my past, of where I am right this very minute, and aware of what I may face tomorrow.  I take ownership of things that are rightfully mine and I’m proud to represent myself. 

I do not point fingers.  I don’t judge others from an outside view. fortunately and unfortunately for some, after personal character is revealed, I form my own opinions.  I don’t care if others judge me.  In my life I have already learned many things, like the truth, it will set you free.  The truth, needs no defense.  Beauty is all around us.  This universe is a miracle.  We meet angels everyday.  There are no ordinary moments.  Everyone needs to be hugged.  There is no time like now.  There is more power in one soul, than in a hundred empty shallow people.  People who are fake don’t fool anyone but maybe themselves.  My intuition is usually always right.  Your real friends are truly revealed when you are in the most need of a friend.  Don’t give just to receive.  Karma is real and it is patient, it watches, it waits, it will find you.  Positive energy takes less strength than negative energy.  Resentments are only poison for your own soul.  People who truly forgive are few and far between, but when found, are owners of a priceless virtue.  Most people talk the talk but don’t walk the walk.  Most people like the sound of their own voice better than anyone elses.  It is obvious when someone is envious of what another has because jealousy is a crazy thing that makes people act a fool.  It seems we always want things we can’t have.  I stay away from those who celebrate in the suffering of others.  I believe that if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.  I believe that people don’t get punished for their anger, they are punished by it.  I believe that those who judge and point fingers, are really referencing themselves.  When you are OK with who you are, you don’t find yourself talking bad about others.  I try not to speak without making sure it is true, it is kind, or it is necessary.  Other’s respect you only when you honestly respect yourself.  You are the most important person in your life, treat yourself that way!  Don’t try and change others.  Think of how hard it really is to change you, what makes you think you are powerful enough to change someone else?  Actions speak louder than words.  People underestimate the value and responsibility of what it takes to be a real friend.  I think that people use the word ‘love’ too loosely.   I love what I do, and I do what I love.  If you do something bad, and no one finds out, you will always know yourself, and have to live with that the rest of your life.  If I don’t agree with others, I don’t say I do!  I don’t lose sleep over things or people who truly don’t matter because I refuse to let anyone get a minute of my time or space in my head that don’t deserve to be there. 

I have many things that I own in my life, but nothing that owns me.  Through all of the things I have written over the years, looking back at them, page after page, book after book, poem after poem, I see a collective pattern of the search for meaning, in my life cause it’s the most important one, for me.  Earlier today, I wrote about time.  I have wasted a lot of time, yet, I have a lot of time very well spent.  As I sit here now, and write on this blog for all to see, who ever that is, I do not make claims of knowing everything.  I just know what I know.  I like to write about the things I think about, yes I’m analytical.  I make bold statements of my own opinions and thoughts, for those who read, keep that in mind.  ultimately, I enjoy sharing my stories.  I’m proud of who I am.  I look forward to who I will become. 

It took some time, some real hard time, on the inside of a prison, for me to get real with myself.  But when that process started to happen, I haven’t looked back once.  I believe, that those who fall and get back up, are wiser than those who never fall at all.  (And much less boring) :0  I’ve never been one to play it safe.  I’m a risk taker, fearless some say, and I grab life by the pants cause I don’t want to miss any of it!  I don’t ever sacrifice who I am for the sake of another.  I own my identity everyday.  This is what it sounds like when I get real with myself, the good, the bad, the ugly, the pretty, the stupid, the wise, the bold, fierce, un-cut and raw words that I have to say.