ღ Heart Drops ღ

 
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Heart Drops
 
 
 Suck in a breath
I choke for air
My heart drops to the floor
 
***
There is rain all around
Thunder deafens my ears
I’m down on the floor
I’ve been down for years
 
***
I can’t feel my fingers
Legs don’t seem to work
Pointless to call for help
Take this pain, it hurts
 
***
Don’t know where to run
I’ve been running for so long
I Can’t see the sun
Nothing feels like love
 
***
Wind hits my face
Bitter cold dose of reality
Bad always comes in numbers
I pretend I’m somewhere else
 
***
Fighting for the kindness
Losing the battle everyday
Family is a four letter word
I’ve got no reason to stay
 
***
You finally win
My tears fall from my eyes
Broken heart drops to the floor
Never to beat, anymore
 
~J. Lefever~
(05/09/13)
 
*****
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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 
 
 
 

Rewind

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Rewind

Defeat

I refuse to be taken down

A constant reminder

Of a past that

Is no longer mine

You

Are the only negative

Holding me back

You

Are the past that

Is my detour off track

My future has no likeness

Of what I’m leaving behind

Except being with you

You try to make me rewind

Why are you even here

Your motive is to enable me

To fall

You steal my happiness

You don’t see my success

At all

I thought things would be different

But you haven’t learned a thing

You tear me down each time

You don’t let me be me

The tragedy is

I still seek your approval and pride

Sadly, you

Make me feel like I should run and hide

I am worthy of happiness

I am good enough to be loved everyday

I do not need to keep defending myself

I am wonderful no matter what you say

~J. Lefever~

(04/21/13)

*****

Tryst Truth – Tragically, the ones we love the most, are the ones who hurt us the most. It is common for some people, even as adults, to seek the approval of our parents. (Statistically speaking, I read that 1 in every 10 people deals with issues regarding their parents, either emotional damage, or approval seeking… I also read that the numbers may be greater than that but there are a lot of people who don’t admit to these things, or pretend like they don’t exist)  Just to hear the words, “I am proud of you” has become such a clutch for me, personally. I feel like it will never happen for me… no matter what I do. A persons actions will tell you their level of investment in your life. With that said, it is very clear that I am only fooling myself… I am a forgiving, hopeful fool… Who is only fooling herself to believe things will ever be different…

As it breaks my heart to say these things… it is my reality… it is my life. There are things that I do not get in life. As long as I’m struggling, seeking the pride & approval of two people who in 31 years has never given me any kind of real, positive encouragement… I will never be truly happy. I am happy with myself today, so I need to stop believing that I need anyone’s approval to be happy… except my own.

*****
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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 

Mad Metropolis

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Mad Metropolis
 
Corruption inside my soul
Someone pulled the trigger
Pointed it at my heart
And let it all go
 
On the streets of desperation
Shadows keep walking by
Ghosts of many nightmares
Walk upon us everyday
 
They own the city
This mad circus, untamed
Charming us senseless
With tricks and toys of the visual kind
 
Lurking in the curtains of Midnight
Representation of my spirit
Mirrored into the air
I can feel my breath leaving my body
 
Wanting to scream, something careless
Words to pierce the soul of the wicked
Force that follows me, shattering their strength
In to a million, unfixable pieces, on the floor
 
Turning the tragedy and sadness their way
For once, I have the force field to
Prevent the fatal future the streets of this
Maniac metropolis poison us slowly with
 
Yes, the city has gone mad
I can’t run from its taunting laughter
Into the streets, upon streets
Every block just the same as the last
 
City is mad
Someone pull the trigger
Let the maniac go and
Release us from its painful grip
 
The world is just a metropolis
Gone mad
 
~ J. Lefever ~
(03/19/13)
 
This piece is dedicated to my brother. He would understand what I mean by these words. ( ~Sis )
 
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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 
 
 

Damage

image

Damage
Destruction
Destroyed
It’s all around
I’ve seen this before
When I tear down my walls
To shine the light on me
I spoke too soon
Remembering when I
Reached out in my past
Always left me
Regretting my words
I shouldn’t have shared
Believing that I
Was safe outside
Outside of my walls
That untrusting place
I should never have gone
Have bruises to prove
The damage
Destruction
I’m completely destroyed

~~ J. Lefever ~~

Written with feelings of fear and sadness…

©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication