Tag Archives: Damage
Rewind
Rewind
Defeat
I refuse to be taken down
A constant reminder
Of a past that
Is no longer mine
You
Are the only negative
Holding me back
You
Are the past that
Is my detour off track
My future has no likeness
Of what I’m leaving behind
Except being with you
You try to make me rewind
Why are you even here
Your motive is to enable me
To fall
You steal my happiness
You don’t see my success
At all
I thought things would be different
But you haven’t learned a thing
You tear me down each time
You don’t let me be me
The tragedy is
I still seek your approval and pride
Sadly, you
Make me feel like I should run and hide
I am worthy of happiness
I am good enough to be loved everyday
I do not need to keep defending myself
I am wonderful no matter what you say
~J. Lefever~
(04/21/13)
*****
Tryst Truth – Tragically, the ones we love the most, are the ones who hurt us the most. It is common for some people, even as adults, to seek the approval of our parents. (Statistically speaking, I read that 1 in every 10 people deals with issues regarding their parents, either emotional damage, or approval seeking… I also read that the numbers may be greater than that but there are a lot of people who don’t admit to these things, or pretend like they don’t exist) Just to hear the words, “I am proud of you” has become such a clutch for me, personally. I feel like it will never happen for me… no matter what I do. A persons actions will tell you their level of investment in your life. With that said, it is very clear that I am only fooling myself… I am a forgiving, hopeful fool… Who is only fooling herself to believe things will ever be different…
As it breaks my heart to say these things… it is my reality… it is my life. There are things that I do not get in life. As long as I’m struggling, seeking the pride & approval of two people who in 31 years has never given me any kind of real, positive encouragement… I will never be truly happy. I am happy with myself today, so I need to stop believing that I need anyone’s approval to be happy… except my own.
Mad Metropolis
Damage
Damage
Destruction
Destroyed
It’s all around
I’ve seen this before
When I tear down my walls
To shine the light on me
I spoke too soon
Remembering when I
Reached out in my past
Always left me
Regretting my words
I shouldn’t have shared
Believing that I
Was safe outside
Outside of my walls
That untrusting place
I should never have gone
Have bruises to prove
The damage
Destruction
I’m completely destroyed
~~ J. Lefever ~~
Written with feelings of fear and sadness…