ღ Heart Drops ღ

Posted by jenlefever on May 9, 2013

Heart Drops

ღ

Suck in a breath

I choke for air

My heart drops to the floor

***

There is rain all around

Thunder deafens my ears

I’m down on the floor

I’ve been down for years

***

I can’t feel my fingers

Legs don’t seem to work

Pointless to call for help

Take this pain, it hurts

***

Don’t know where to run

I’ve been running for so long

I Can’t see the sun

Nothing feels like love

***

Wind hits my face

Bitter cold dose of reality

Bad always comes in numbers

I pretend I’m somewhere else

***

Fighting for the kindness

Losing the battle everyday

Family is a four letter word

I’ve got no reason to stay

***

You finally win

My tears fall from my eyes

Broken heart drops to the floor

Never to beat, anymore

~J. Lefever~

(05/09/13)

*****

ღ

©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Rewind

Posted by jenlefever on April 21, 2013

Rewind

Defeat

I refuse to be taken down

A constant reminder

Of a past that

Is no longer mine

You

Are the only negative

Holding me back

You

Are the past that

Is my detour off track

My future has no likeness

Of what I’m leaving behind

Except being with you

You try to make me rewind

Why are you even here

Your motive is to enable me

To fall

You steal my happiness

You don’t see my success

At all

I thought things would be different

But you haven’t learned a thing

You tear me down each time

You don’t let me be me

The tragedy is

I still seek your approval and pride

Sadly, you

Make me feel like I should run and hide

I am worthy of happiness

I am good enough to be loved everyday

I do not need to keep defending myself

I am wonderful no matter what you say

~J. Lefever~

(04/21/13)

*****

Tryst Truth – Tragically, the ones we love the most, are the ones who hurt us the most. It is common for some people, even as adults, to seek the approval of our parents. (Statistically speaking, I read that 1 in every 10 people deals with issues regarding their parents, either emotional damage, or approval seeking… I also read that the numbers may be greater than that but there are a lot of people who don’t admit to these things, or pretend like they don’t exist) Just to hear the words, “I am proud of you” has become such a clutch for me, personally. I feel like it will never happen for me… no matter what I do. A persons actions will tell you their level of investment in your life. With that said, it is very clear that I am only fooling myself… I am a forgiving, hopeful fool… Who is only fooling herself to believe things will ever be different…

As it breaks my heart to say these things… it is my reality… it is my life. There are things that I do not get in life. As long as I’m struggling, seeking the pride & approval of two people who in 31 years has never given me any kind of real, positive encouragement… I will never be truly happy. I am happy with myself today, so I need to stop believing that I need anyone’s approval to be happy… except my own.

*****

ღ

©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Mad Metropolis

Posted by jenlefever on March 19, 2013

Mad Metropolis

Corruption inside my soul

Someone pulled the trigger

Pointed it at my heart

And let it all go

On the streets of desperation

Shadows keep walking by

Ghosts of many nightmares

Walk upon us everyday

They own the city

This mad circus, untamed

Charming us senseless

With tricks and toys of the visual kind

Lurking in the curtains of Midnight

Representation of my spirit

Mirrored into the air

I can feel my breath leaving my body

Wanting to scream, something careless

Words to pierce the soul of the wicked

Force that follows me, shattering their strength

In to a million, unfixable pieces, on the floor

Turning the tragedy and sadness their way

For once, I have the force field to

Prevent the fatal future the streets of this

Maniac metropolis poison us slowly with

Yes, the city has gone mad

I can’t run from its taunting laughter

Into the streets, upon streets

Every block just the same as the last

City is mad

Someone pull the trigger

Let the maniac go and

Release us from its painful grip

The world is just a metropolis

Gone mad

~ J. Lefever ~

(03/19/13)

This piece is dedicated to my brother. He would understand what I mean by these words. ( ~Sis )

ღ

Damage

Posted by jenlefever on February 10, 2013

Damage
Destruction
Destroyed
It’s all around
I’ve seen this before
When I tear down my walls
To shine the light on me
I spoke too soon
Remembering when I
Reached out in my past
Always left me
Regretting my words
I shouldn’t have shared
Believing that I
Was safe outside
Outside of my walls
That untrusting place
I should never have gone
Have bruises to prove
The damage
Destruction
I’m completely destroyed