Dark Intimidation

Hoping for a little feedback on this piece… I am submitting it for a poetry publication and I had to choose one piece from my collection of poetry and needless to say, I had a hard time. I went with this one for some reasons of my own, but to those who have read my words, I am curious to know… your opinion on this particular piece… Is it too short, too simple, too depressing,  too dark, too vague.. or it is deep, strong, sensitive, sad.. Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated. ~ Jen


Dark Intimidation


Sensitive, fear
Suffocating me
Covers every inch
Harboring me
Scream into its silence, but
No one hears a word
Darkness so thick
It muffles my tiny sound
Making my way
As if I’m in a maze
The puzzle is its chaos
Playing tricks on my mind
Luring me further & further
Down deep, to it’s very core
Obsessed by the challenge…

I find myself again
Without steel, iron or blade, only
Armed with my soul
Intimidated shamefully
Yet I push on through
To find a glimmer of light

In the thickness of you


~ J. Lefever ~

March 2012




©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Through the Dark


A Poetic Duet, my first one written with Neeraj, who’s words come alive on the screen. He is an amazing writer! This piece we created together is both dark, and light… with love and pain. It is the best of both worlds, all in one!

 Written by Neeraj & Tryst


Through the Dark


 Draped in the darkest of black silk

I hide behind the light of day
Timeless memories
Haunt the corners of my mind
I am but a ghost among the pulse of the city,
Gleaming lights make me blind,
Or is it that nothing I want to see?
Silence of the past,
Shouts in my mind,
Ears can’t take it; I realize when they start to bleed,
Running from everything
I thought I knew
Standing in the distance, you
Shadow outlined in the night air
Waiting, anticipating, sensing my haste approach
Caressing with your gentle eyes,
Your gaze sensed that I was in trouble,
When everyone used to fade away,
You stretched your hands,
Embraced me as if I was a lost puppy,
Moments of my yesterday
Fade away with you in my view
Protect me, save me
Keep me in the light
Away from the misdirected emotion of the night
Laughter you allocate in my heart
My smile reaches to the eyes
I am addicted to everything you do
Don’t let me go out of sight
Always love the way you love me
In a moment’s time
In the darkest part of the night
It is you and I, alone &  real
Came here to find
The reason our yesterday is ready to heal
Written by Neeraj & Think. Speak. Tryst
Visit Neeraj’s beautiful blog by following the link provided
 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

The Wrong Pleasure

The Wrong Pleasure
Drapped in the dark
I hide from you
Mimicking my sorrow
Do my feelings
Penetrate you
Inside I am burning
I have so much I need to say
But I am exhausted from the task
Of pleasing you each day
Don’t you see
That my smile is fake
It hasn’t been sincere
For many moons we’ve seen
There is a reason
I keep on going
My heart loves
It keeps on showing
But my emotion is wrong
Don’t watch my loathing
Forgive me while I ponder
Something doesn’t quite measure
I’m being poisoned by
The wrong kind of pleasure
I have taken it in
Absorbed it into my heart
Fighting this catalyst
As my world falls apart
I sense your wicked charm
You really never fooled me
Feeding me a lifetime of harm
Did you think I couldn’t see
Trying to trick me
By your false devotion
Tasting on my lips
Your lethal potion
In a moment
I will waste no more time
I will break this curse
And take what is mine
I never fit the part
Of the cruelish girl indeed
I won’t fake my smile again
Find a new soul to bleed
~J. Lefever~
This is dark.. but real… read between the lines.. I am delivering a very powerful message here…
 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Yesterday’s Shadow


Yesterday’s Fear


But you came anyway

Maybe at one point, I

May have welcomed you

Maybe I was suffering from a

Momentary lack of reason

Maybe I made excuses

Whatever they were

I did my best to make the best

Out of you

Time was at a standstill

As you sucked the life out of my soul

Deceit was in every word

In every smile, in every night

I portrayed contentment with you

You poisoned me

You made me sick inside

The temple of my soul showed

Fatigue and sadness

You are the plague that came to

Destroy anything good that you found

I was your fortress

Tame & unguarded

You made me uncomfortable

Inside the walls of my very own home

Home, such a thing of vision

Such an imaginary place

I think I once knew

Long before the villain came

Imprisoning me

Suffocating my soul

Torturing my energy

Drowning my light

Burning me senseless

Here I am

Finally free from all that

Sickening madness

Some I allowed

Most I was unable to overpower

Yet, I still think I won

When the villain left

The chains on my heart broke away

I came to the surface of the water

The burns were cooled with rain

The torture just a thought

Although the memories remain

Tucked deep, down in the basement

Of my mind

They are only imprints

Of a time when I was

Unable to see

The shinning of my own soul

The light inside my own eyes

The personal power I already had

The beautiful identity I possessed inside

I don’t really know the reason I ran

To something so dark

And destructive

But whatever I thought I was lacking

And seeking to find in another

Was only the mistake of my

Youthful mind

Telling me I needed to belong

Somewhere different

I clearly didn’t belong

My youthful mind made the mistake

That I needed to create

An identity

That I was not enough

All on my own

And in that seeking

I searched for my very own

Spirit, a strength from within

Years passed

I now walk down the street

Away from the time

When I stood

Face to face

With my own enemy

And in the end

The final conclusion

Mistakes were just lessons

Fear had strengthened me

I had won

Needing nothing else

Just my very own mind

I got my soul back

And I get to be me

~ J. Lefever ~



©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Mad Metropolis

Mad Metropolis
Corruption inside my soul
Someone pulled the trigger
Pointed it at my heart
And let it all go
On the streets of desperation
Shadows keep walking by
Ghosts of many nightmares
Walk upon us everyday
They own the city
This mad circus, untamed
Charming us senseless
With tricks and toys of the visual kind
Lurking in the curtains of Midnight
Representation of my spirit
Mirrored into the air
I can feel my breath leaving my body
Wanting to scream, something careless
Words to pierce the soul of the wicked
Force that follows me, shattering their strength
In to a million, unfixable pieces, on the floor
Turning the tragedy and sadness their way
For once, I have the force field to
Prevent the fatal future the streets of this
Maniac metropolis poison us slowly with
Yes, the city has gone mad
I can’t run from its taunting laughter
Into the streets, upon streets
Every block just the same as the last
City is mad
Someone pull the trigger
Let the maniac go and
Release us from its painful grip
The world is just a metropolis
Gone mad
~ J. Lefever ~
This piece is dedicated to my brother. He would understand what I mean by these words. ( ~Sis )
©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Daily Reflection on Trystღ (03/01/13)

Daily Reflection (03/01/13)


At War with What?


It is Friday Tryst family. I’m sure you all know this. It’s one of those great days, favorite days, that visits us each week. Every week, we see a Friday. It comes along and we are happy that it is Friday, despite all the other things we’ve been battling all week, we find that it being Friday, is reason enough to be a little bit happy, happier, or put on a ‘Fuck yeah, it’s finally Friday’ smile and get through the day.


I hope all of you have the ‘Fuck yea it’s Friday’ smile on today. I hope you are wearing it big. I am battling things inside of myself, and it’s been very hard to smile this week. I seriously am not trying to publish a miserable, sad or depressing post here either. I like my reflections because I write them to bring us up, to bring me up and to help get another insight into the things that we think. So often, we get distracted by our own thought distortions, that we get lost in our minds and find that it is impossible, IMPOSSIBLE, to see the light on the other side! When this happens, we are using the mighty mighty power of our minds, creating these thoughts, and entertaining them to point of validation, which makes them real, which turns into actions, which turns into our habits, which becomes our lives, and before we know it, our life is half over and we are sitting there saying, ‘Oh my God, What the fuck, Where did my life go?’ or something like, ‘Where have I been my whole life?’ and things like, ‘Um, time flew out the fucking window because I didn’t live these last years, they lived me!!’


I don’t want my life to live me.

I want to live my life.


And not only that, I want to WANT the life I’m living. Sounds like it’s not too much to ask for, right? I mean, Saying that I want to want my life, and I want to be the one living it, sounds…. realistic….rational….achieveable. Sounds like something that needs to be my immediate project, if it’s not this way already.


I am fighting a war right now. I think that I’ve been losing it lately too. Thinking back to when I was a little girl, thinking of the thoughts that I had about what it would be like when I was all grown up… this was sadly not it. But the good news is this, I can still get where I want to be. Nothing is over. Nothing is impossible. I have a lot of virtues, a lot of things to be grateful for, some things that are an advantage, all of which I won’t get into in detail, but I know what they are and that’s the important part.


If you are facing a life crisis, at war with yourself or fighting to get back what was already yours, find your strong points. The things you do have, and find ways to use them, to utilize them in the bast ways to get to where want to be. This is using your resources to your advantage.


You can always count on yourself. So fighting to live the life that makes YOU the most happy is the most important, one of the most important at least, battles you will ever face.


I am at war right now. With a handful of things. But I know that I should be chasing my happiness as much as I chased my high. If I am not living a happy life, doing the things that I’ve always wanted to do, fighting to reach my biggest dreams & goals, then what’s the point? What’s even the point to getting up each day?


When you’re standing at the crossroads of your life, why not choose to take the road that is bright, colorful & happy?

So, in real life, you fight to live your life, and want the life you’re living.


I hope you all have a great Friday Tryst friends, and I hope you got my thought process here, and I didn’t bring you down. Just a little power pushing in the right direction, that’s all… Pointing out that life is worth making out of it, exactly what we want!!


~ Jen


Tryst Thought: Our truest truths lie deep within our own souls. Seek within for answers to our biggest questions…


©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Angry Clouds

My dear, sweet friend was having a bit of a bum day, yesterday. So we connected with each other and wrote this Poetic Duet. Hastywords is a lovely & beautifully talented writer who is quickly becoming a part of my heart! You can find her work by following the links provided.


Angry Clouds

I sit angry in a cloud of fumes

Hatred trying to tempt me

Walking the hallways in my mind

Stirring up mischief with my memories

The darkness cloaks my heart

Shielding it from any kind of warmth & light

That which it needs, so desperately

A single, silent tear falls to the floor

A single wet spot left alone to dry

Without a home, exposed, and cold

It mimics the feelings I hide inside

That single tear calling for reason

Calling in the absence of the air

 In the thickness of this emptiness

Familiar pain inside my soul

Is the catalyst for my tears

Anger subsides and I leave it alone

For another day, to re-visit

What am I aching for

Bleeding strength in all the wrong places

Without the anger, without the tears

The thick, heavy emptiness screams

Pushing me to the brink

Begging me for a reaction

Trying its damned best

 To reignite a passion long-lost, long forgotten

A Poetic Duet

Written by Hastywords & Think. Speak. Tryst

Angry Clouds on Hastywords is HERE

Silently Suffocating


It is just one of those days where none of the pieces fit right…

It’s been a while since I’ve woken up to greet my day, and found myself in my bathroom with tears rolling down my face. The frustrating part of it is… I can’t really put my finger on why I feel like I’ve come undone…? I sat there, with the bathroom door closed, and just let myself cry. Mental confusion, yes, I seem to be all lost up in my mind. I miss my brother, that part of me that I’ve always had no matter what, is gone. The pain of that is too much sometimes. I live with a permanent hole in my heart, the part where my brother used to be…

Then I started questioning my happiness. I seem to be in this place where I feel like I’m not moving forward. I really dislike this place. I have written about the life of the ‘Standard American’ (I’d add its link but I really haven’t figured it out… I need not beat myself up about that, how dumb I feel…) and in that piece, like today, I feel the very same. I am not the nine to five. While I work this job and schedule with responsibility and accountability, still, it’s not me. I am wild and free in my soul, and right now, I’m trapped. I am trapped in this city and going nowhere. I feel tired and lethargic most of the time because I’m fighting this, using all my strength, pushing to get somewhere and I end up in the same place as before… I have gone nowhere. I have a mind full of dreams, things I want to do, things I want to create, places I want to see. And I’m not doing any of those things. I feel like I’m stuck… I am silently suffocating…

They call this being ‘in a rut’. Maybe so, but what confuses me is this; if I know what I want and I know what I need, then why am I stuck in this place, in this rut? I do know those things, what I need and want, but what is holding me back from moving forward? Am I afraid of defeat? Am I afraid of failure? Have I slipped back to a place of negative internal dialogue? I know that I’m my hardest critic, but when I look back at the last six months, I have moved forward quite a bit. My life has changed immensely with eleven months of sobriety and all of the wisdom’s and lessons learned from the inside. Then suddenly, I hit the wall again. And I find myself, lost, and my soul is silently suffocating…

Lost and lost, up in my mind… today I cannot seem to find, the answer I am looking for. It’s just one of those days where none of the pieces fit right. For years I have written about how this city has defeated me, how this city has been the catalyst of my own demise, how this city has streets like quicksand, how easily I have been stuck, lost, struck down, and beaten by this very place and all the complicated escalations of its society… and then, the light came. I could breathe again and I could feel my soul. The words of hope and prosperity poured out of me on to the pages of my books and on to the pieces written on this screen, and it all felt so good. I understand that everyday is not sunshine and roses, but those days are certainly better than days like this, where my heart hurts for someone who I will never get to see until my time here is done, where tears fall from my eyes first thing in the morning, and that is a very sad way to start the day. Where I know where I need to go, but I feel like I may never get there, or I really don’t know how… defeated. Deep inside I know that I’m stronger than this, but this humbles me because even the strong have days when this life can bring you to your knees. Today, I am on my knees… lost and lost… aching for my soul to shine… finding myself… stuck in this city, silently suffocating until I see the moon and I know this day is over.

~ Jen