Daily Reflection on Tryst (05/06/13)

 

Daily Reflection (05/06/13)

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Bumps in the Road

 

Monday. Mid-day. I have frittata on the brain…. Seriously. I came across this frittata dish with carmalized cauliflower, creme’ fraiche’, paprika, and smoked mozz… of course with eggs and OMG!! My mouth is salivating, for real. Anyway… moving on…

 

How was everyone’s weekend? I sure hope it was great!! Mine was a day short, cause I worked 6 days this week, and yesterday, some classic family drama went down… never a dull moment, huh? I am not going to report the shit storm I went through yesterday, mostly because it’s so ridiculous this time, it’s not worthy of both my time and my words… Anyway… moving on…

 

Today, When I was driving to work, I hit a pot hole in the road. Clunk, clunk.. SHIT! I just got two new tires on my ride… Nothing was wiggling or vibrating, or felt abnormal, so I figured all was just fine. Just hit the pot hole, right? But isn’t that the story of my life? Aren’t I always falling in the pot holes?

 

This reminded me of that story, ‘There is a hole in the sidewalk’, or something like that… you can google it and probably find the story I’m talking about, it’s kinda been around… Or I’ll not be lazy and give you the LINK HERE!! OK! Now we are on the same page…

 

This little story has a really great message. Sometimes we make the same mistakes, even when we know that it can harm us, make things hard, difficult or painful. Yet, for some reason, some things in life are just harder lessons. Some things take falling down a few times before we learn to go the other way. We may repeat a mistake, but eventually, we learn to do the right thing for us. I hope you followed my link to the piece ‘There is a Hole in My Sidewalk’… this is a story that is used often in recovery. In regards to addiction, we fall down a lot before we finally chose the different road…

 

Today, think about the roads you have walked upon in life. How often have you fallen into a hole? How about a hole that you knew was there, yet you fall in it anyway?

 

We kick ourselves when we make foolish mistakes, saying, ‘WTF!! I totally knew better!!’ This is OK. It happens! As long as you hold yourself accountable for your actions & choices, instead of denying them. And if you ever apologize for something, know that if you are really sorry, you try not to do it again! That is the true meaning of being sorry.

 

I hope you all have a super day Tryst!!

 

XOXO ~ Jen

 

Tryst Thought : I know the part that hurts the most when it comes to what I am facing right now with the family… the fact that no one seems to hold themselves accountable for their part of things. I find it hard to wrap my head around the fact that some people really think they have done NO wrong, and even when they have someone standing in front of them, telling them how they have been hurtful, they still stand there and deny having any responsibility to their actions, basically telling me that my feelings are NOT valid… which is a very hurtful thing to say to someone.

 

Oh, and when words get put in my mouth that I NEVER said… that hurts too. I have made this statement before: Just because words come out of someone’s mouth, doesn’t make them true.

 

So, we fall into holes. Learn how to get out of the holes. Maybe fall in them again… but eventually, we get sick of falling and choose a different path.

 

XO

 

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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
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Too Cool To Care

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Too Cool To Care
 
Through the confusion
I saw your spirit anyway
I reached out to you
For you to take my hand
You will be safe with me
I will show you how to feel
I will show you love that’s real
It is alright to be who you are
My heart won’t hurt you
I will not leave a scar
 
I truly believed that you were able
To see that love can save
Ones soul
Many years you were rough & brutal
An act to create the illusion
That you are too cool to care…
 
Today you stand before me
A gentle soul indeed
There is no reason to cut me down
Yet you still try to make me bleed
Down on my knees
My soft hands are up in the air
Listen to my honest cries
Why are you too cool to care?
 
Leaving your foot prints
In my body as you kick my side
Standing over me
You shout that I am weak because I hide
You may be right
I do hide things from you
Giving you my all just doesn’t seem fair
With the bruises I hide
Cause you are too cool to care
 
I still give you my truth
Truth in the love that has never died
It is when you are not looking
I hold my eyes and I cry
My words may never be enough
For us to have a love that we share
You still doubt the reality of love
You will always be too cool to care
 
~ J. Lefever ~
This piece was written sometime this year…
 
It has no actual relevance to my life… or maybe it does…
 
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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 
 

Disappear

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Disappear

 
Sometimes I just want to disappear
Uncomfort sits with me too long
Everything looks to me like fear
Hearing the same repetitive song
 
So untrusting I seem to be
Of all the worlds residents & things I see
I live my life like I’m playing a game
Too proud to show anyone my shame
 
Who better to speak the truth
To tell of the past few years
Than a woman with the scars
Who’s words bring her to tears
 
Some of us are shown some things
That are harder to believe are real
The test is if we remain standing
Even after the pain we feel
 
Pain inside cannot be measured
Our hearts are not built the same
Each one of us have different pieces
As we are each given our own name
 
To disappear into the air
Maybe isn’t the right step
If I don’t chase my happiness now
I won’t have anything left
 
~J. Lefever~
(04/19/13)
 
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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

You May Never

You May Never

 

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Through the air

A Poison dart

Shot through my heart

And my soul fell to the floor

I stumbled around

Out of breath, until

I realized you were gone

Heart ache came

It hurts so bad

Needing you more & more

Finding myself

Calling your name

To the back of the closed-door

Inside of me

Inside my heart

Pain never will subside

Told that I

Am the one to blame

For you not being here

The truth in that

I despise so much

Deny it day after day

The absence of you

Rings silent in my mind

You must have your reasons

Why do I

Think it was only you

That needed to make the change

Ignorance on my behalf

To say I’m not to blame

Games I play

To win you back

Leave me standing still

Alone I’ll be

If I do not

Change my ways

You may never come back home

 

~ J. Lefever ~

(02/14/13)

 

This piece is dedicated to the lost & lonely.

This piece is to sing the song of the person who denies..

This piece is written to show that, some believe they are never at fault…

This piece, I hope, will reach someone who is hurting for their love….

This piece, I pray, will inspire someone to stand and make a change…..

 

 
 
 
 
©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Daily Reflection on Trystღ (02/04/13)

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Daily Reflection on Tryst (02/04/13)

 Total Denial

 

Happy Monday Tryst World! I am having one of those chaotic Monday mornings and, whew, I wish I could go back to bed and pretend it’s still the weekend. But, that’s not reality. I have to be a part of society today because I have a job to do, people who are counting on me to have my shit together and bills to pay, so, regardless, I gotta keep moving. Optimistically speaking, I’m happy to be alive and breathing and the sun is shinning, so I am grateful for some things this morning!

 The reflection today is about denial. We all know what denial is. We have all denied something, I’m sure, in our lives… unless we are in denial that we have denied. (Ha-ha) Denial is a defense mechanism used when we don’t like certain circumstances and we refuse to admit that they exist in our present state of awareness. Denial is not a river in Egypt, that would be the Nile river, so don’t get confused! 🙂 Sometimes, we use denial to protect something in our lives, whether it’s something we are ashamed of, like addiction for me, or a relationship that is bad, a matter of the heart, or a responsibility we don’t want to be responsible for, or a change that needs to be made, a change that will take a period of adjustment and we all know that change can be quite uncomfortable. Either way, we all deny, so don’t be in denial about it!

 Denial is a clever little devil, it is! When we deny something, deep inside of our psyche, we are still holding on to that little bit of truth. It’s a just our minds way of tricking us into thinking that something is not acceptable, and that we can re-write our reality. So, agree with me here… denial is not good for our hearts and souls, right? Every time we have denied something, it’s cause the rational part of us is saying, ‘We know what’s really going on here, but we don’t want to face it, confront it, or admit it!’

 If there is anything in your life that you may be sugar-coating with good old denial, maybe it’s time to face it!

Facing our denials will help to clean up the dirty corners of our lives and bring more peace to our present state of awareness.

I bet the Buddha would agree!

 

Face a denial today! I can promise you that coming clean, or being honest, or admitting something that needs to be talked about, or correcting a problem that has been covered up with denial will make you feel great! A huge weight lifted! Good for letting go and moving forward! Heave Ho!

 

Don’t deny it anymore! Let’s be for real!

 Have a super fantastic Monday Tryst Family!! ~ Jen