Down The Tree

Down the Tree

 

 

I stood in the dark

In the shadows

As to not be seen

Quiet as a mouse

Still as the dead

 

It creeped slowly

Down the tree

To the ground

My memories falling

With them

Also making no such sound

 

This feeling I know

Quite well to be exact

Something dark

Inside of me

Taunting as I try to breathe

 

I find myself watching

Visions of my life’s

Moments

Playing out

Right in front of my eyes

 

I stand against the tree

My shame

Falling all around me

Slithering

Down the tree

Every single memory

 

What brought me here

To remember things like this

Why the lesson

As if my mind ever forgets

My mind has its regrets

 

I have forsaken my soul

I cry out from underneath

The brittle branches

I am sorry, you see

What more do you want from me?

 

I have lost

And it hurts so bad

Nothing will ever replace him

He is gone

I will be forever sad

 

Underneath this tree

I confessed my sins

I cried for my weaknesses

I admit my shame

I hold its bark, like it is all I have left

 

Somehow

At the bottom of the tree

I came here to remember

What it feels like

To be me

 

~ J. Lefever ~

(04/02/13)

 

*****

 

 

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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

 

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Happy Paralysis

Happy Paralysis

 I am tired. Tired of feeling this way. Tired of searching for total happiness. Am I on a goose chase? Running around silly stupid, with this empty, black hole in my heart? While the angels try to tell me I’ll never be right? I’m paralyzed, stuck. Trapped in this place. Poetry stuck on repeat, again, redundant… Shall I surrender defeat? I’m so tired of missing him I just want him home, back with us. So, I can smile, be normal, happy again… Instead of paralyzed in… This same old shit I’m feeling within…

~ J. Lefever ~
(02/24/13)

 I am just… so… tired of feeling this way. I get angry at life, why does life have to happen. I don’t want to have to feel any of this. I just want things back to the way they were… the way they were…

 

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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Nothing, I…

Nothing, I…

This is a piece about a great loss… The loss of a someone… The loss of a soul

 

Underneath

This air

I’m standing

Alone

Arms stretched out

Reaching into the nothingness

hoping to find

Something to hold my hand

What is this

Place I have rendered

Myself in

Unable to turn back

Find my way home

Where is home anyway?

Unable to explain

The place I’m in

Unable to find a reason

To smile

What has happened to my soul?

Answers I need

So desperately

Yet I can’t find

Unhappiness has me

Paralyzed, Loss has me

Stuck, in this

Thick atmosphere

A space of nothingness

Nothing here

Nothing for me

Nothing to hope for

Nothing to find

Nothingness is me

I am nothing, I…

~ J. Lefever ~

Written when I was a little lost.

We all have moments when nothing seems to feel quite right.

As I struggle to stand up, facing the reality of my life’s greatest loss.

I lost my little brother, and some days, nothing feels right….

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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Indecent Intentions

Indecent Intentions

A Piece of true Desperation

 

 

Piercing of your knife

Your words cut me like thorns

Deep in my skin they go

Their scars are permanently born

 

Intentions so wrong

Indecent they were

Have me screaming as to why

And you smile as I cry

 

Looking across the

Blueberry Sea

Imagining at time

When I was running free

 

Presently I beg for you

To listen as I need you to

 

This is what you mean to me

My world, my air, my everything I see

 

Sacrifices I have made

Just to stand by your side

While you cover up my spirit

Masking my true sense of pride

 

Suffocating emotions

Building up inside of me

Everytime I hear you lie

A tiny piece of our love dies

 

So further I fall

Drowning in your embrace

So lost inside of your own mind

Realities are nothing, to you, you’re blind

 

How to break these chains

Placed permanently on my wrists

A miracle is needed

To give me what I wish

 

~~ J. Lefever ~~

(02/11/13)

ღ

 

 

 

©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

  

 

Red Rain

red rain

It came out of nowhere

Rained all day

I wrestled with it

Fighting its presence

Stubborn to accept

That the rain was red

Something I have never seen

Yet I’m looking at it today

I stare in disbelief

I want to run away

When life happens

And a truth is told

Bringing your worst fear to life

A tragic happening

Disbelief is what you want

A bad dream, not reality

You wish it to be a lie

But the truth of life looks at you

Directly in the eye

It came out of nowhere

Rained red all day

~~ J. Lefever ~~

(02/07/13)

This piece is about believing. Believing in something that you never thought could be real.

 This piece is about acceptence. Accepting a truth that faces you…

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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Shhhhh in the Silence

Tucked in a corner
My shadow is hidden
Don’t speak or utter a sound
In the silence
My spirit falls to the ground

Lost in the dark
Scared of my truth that
I don’t want to face
Brutal realities & lies
Events have taken place

I have no control
No power to change
The devastating tragedy be
What brings my tears
Of why he was taken from me

In the shadows I go
Please don’t look my way
Vulnerable & mad
I see only in my view
The red that comes from what I had

My mirror is gone
The other part of me
I search everyday
With empty hands
Darkness is all I see

As not to fall apart
Everyday at the seams
In the shadows I go
Vengeance & revenge
I hide, I can’t show

I scream in the silence
Shhhh says my heart
I’m torn from any other
No substitute will suffice
I yearn for my brother.

~~ J. Lefever~~
(02/06/13)

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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication