Down The Tree

Down the Tree
I stood in the dark
In the shadows
As to not be seen
Quiet as a mouse
Still as the dead
It creeped slowly
Down the tree
To the ground
My memories falling
With them
Also making no such sound
This feeling I know
Quite well to be exact
Something dark
Inside of me
Taunting as I try to breathe
I find myself watching
Visions of my life’s
Playing out
Right in front of my eyes
I stand against the tree
My shame
Falling all around me
Down the tree
Every single memory
What brought me here
To remember things like this
Why the lesson
As if my mind ever forgets
My mind has its regrets
I have forsaken my soul
I cry out from underneath
The brittle branches
I am sorry, you see
What more do you want from me?
I have lost
And it hurts so bad
Nothing will ever replace him
He is gone
I will be forever sad
Underneath this tree
I confessed my sins
I cried for my weaknesses
I admit my shame
I hold its bark, like it is all I have left
At the bottom of the tree
I came here to remember
What it feels like
To be me
~ J. Lefever ~
 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Happy Paralysis


Happy Paralysis

 I am tired. Tired of feeling this way. Tired of searching for total happiness. Am I on a goose chase? Running around silly stupid, with this empty, black hole in my heart? While the angels try to tell me I’ll never be right? I’m paralyzed, stuck. Trapped in this place. Poetry stuck on repeat, again, redundant… Shall I surrender defeat? I’m so tired of missing him I just want him home, back with us. So, I can smile, be normal, happy again… Instead of paralyzed in… This same old shit I’m feeling within…

~ J. Lefever ~

 I am just… so… tired of feeling this way. I get angry at life, why does life have to happen. I don’t want to have to feel any of this. I just want things back to the way they were… the way they were…


©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Nothing, I…

Nothing, I…
This is a piece about a great loss… The loss of a someone… The loss of a soul
This air
I’m standing
Arms stretched out
Reaching into the nothingness
hoping to find
Something to hold my hand
What is this
Place I have rendered
Myself in
Unable to turn back
Find my way home
Where is home anyway?
Unable to explain
The place I’m in
Unable to find a reason
To smile
What has happened to my soul?
Answers I need
So desperately
Yet I can’t find
Unhappiness has me
Paralyzed, Loss has me
Stuck, in this
Thick atmosphere
A space of nothingness
Nothing here
Nothing for me
Nothing to hope for
Nothing to find
Nothingness is me
I am nothing, I…
~ J. Lefever ~
Written when I was a little lost.
We all have moments when nothing seems to feel quite right.
As I struggle to stand up, facing the reality of my life’s greatest loss.
I lost my little brother, and some days, nothing feels right….
©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Indecent Intentions

Indecent Intentions
A Piece of true Desperation
Piercing of your knife
Your words cut me like thorns
Deep in my skin they go
Their scars are permanently born
Intentions so wrong
Indecent they were
Have me screaming as to why
And you smile as I cry
Looking across the
Blueberry Sea
Imagining at time
When I was running free
Presently I beg for you
To listen as I need you to
This is what you mean to me
My world, my air, my everything I see
Sacrifices I have made
Just to stand by your side
While you cover up my spirit
Masking my true sense of pride
Suffocating emotions
Building up inside of me
Everytime I hear you lie
A tiny piece of our love dies
So further I fall
Drowning in your embrace
So lost inside of your own mind
Realities are nothing, to you, you’re blind
How to break these chains
Placed permanently on my wrists
A miracle is needed
To give me what I wish
~~ J. Lefever ~~
©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Red Rain

red rain


It came out of nowhere

Rained all day

I wrestled with it

Fighting its presence

Stubborn to accept

That the rain was red

Something I have never seen

Yet I’m looking at it today

I stare in disbelief

I want to run away

When life happens

And a truth is told

Bringing your worst fear to life

A tragic happening

Disbelief is what you want

A bad dream, not reality

You wish it to be a lie

But the truth of life looks at you

Directly in the eye

It came out of nowhere

Rained red all day

~~ J. Lefever ~~


This piece is about believing. Believing in something that you never thought could be real.

 This piece is about acceptence. Accepting a truth that faces you…

©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Shhhhh in the Silence


Tucked in a corner
My shadow is hidden
Don’t speak or utter a sound
In the silence
My spirit falls to the ground

Lost in the dark
Scared of my truth that
I don’t want to face
Brutal realities & lies
Events have taken place

I have no control
No power to change
The devastating tragedy be
What brings my tears
Of why he was taken from me

In the shadows I go
Please don’t look my way
Vulnerable & mad
I see only in my view
The red that comes from what I had

My mirror is gone
The other part of me
I search everyday
With empty hands
Darkness is all I see

As not to fall apart
Everyday at the seams
In the shadows I go
Vengeance & revenge
I hide, I can’t show

I scream in the silence
Shhhh says my heart
I’m torn from any other
No substitute will suffice
I yearn for my brother.

~~ J. Lefever~~

©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication