I Will Survive ~ Tryst Update

I Will Survive ~ Tryst Update

33065e53fb8e9e6cdef0b9ef95f12f6b

 

Well, well…

This was a tough weekend…

 

I was trying to hold myself back as much as possible from popping off at the mouth, and I don’t think I did a very good job. I got off on some social media, telling the town off and declaring how much I hate it here. Did I feel better afterwards…? Maybe a little… but it’s always like this for me, as soon as the angry words start flowing, they don’t want to stop!! And it turns into, ‘Oh, I need to add this…’ & ‘I should have said that!’ …

 

But, in the end, I found myself on a Sunday night, wondering if the few people who originally pissed me off even read my FB blast in which I told everyone how fake and two-faced they are and how they need to stay out of my business… going on to explain how I’m leaving this city cause I can’t stand all the shit heads that don’t mind their own…

 

You know, I hear other people go on rants, on ALL of the social media outlets and blogs and such… so why do I feel like I even need to explain mine? The truth is that someone came to me and said that my brothers killing was set up and done on purpose… among some other things, and this just completely threw me over the edge!! I mean, this person has NO clue what was going on in my brother’s, mine, in our family’s life, so to make a statement like this, it is just pure cruelty and all fiction. It’s even more fucked up because that was my brother, so the emotional shit storm that it brought to my heart and mind was completely uncalled for!

 

My point on the things I posted was to make clear that I don’t point fingers and judge. I also don’t stick my nose in other people’s business… especially when it involves the sensitive emotion of the death of a loved one. That is so disrespectful. Don’t people have any manners? Couth? That is just…. completely fucked up!!

 

In the end, I will survive… and I will be on a beach someday, not looking back at the place I came from, as there is nothing to look back and see…

 

~ Jen

*****

 5d74d9d1a833cc844403e0c1da93f91f

 
 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 

 

 

Guilty Too

99079f6bd0a3864e94cfccb282de7885

Guilty Too

 

A test of my strength

Forgiving I need to be

Its been only hours since

Since your actions hurt me

I tell of a time

When we were both kind

Walking side by side

Your heart was inside mine

Battling disappointment

My anger subsides

Remembering the moment

That my spirit died

In that four-cornered room

The cell of my shame

My faith came to same me

From my internal pain

You told me what I had done

What you wanted me to do

I have lived up to my word

Given you all you asked me to

I made you worry all the time

You said I broke your heart

So I promised to mend

The pieces that fell apart

I remember the promises

I made that day

Promises to shelter

Myself in the rain

I give you no reason to put me down

You have no reason to cry for me

Yet you still throw my yesterday

As if the present you can’t even see

I still face a mountain

As I have said before

Yesterday is gone

I Walk through the next door

I’m not the only guilty one

You have been hurtful too

I’m still trying to forgive

The past I’ve had with you

 

~J. Lefever~

(04/26/13)

 

This is a piece about my mom. It’s very personal. But I feel the need to clarify who I’m speaking about…

 

*****
imagesCABQ13B8
 
 
 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 
 

 

ღDaily Reflection on Trystღ (04/25/13)

Daily Reflection (04/25/13)

 40f7eadb22b90ad32713b5e1b3f3238f

So Damn Disappointed!!

 

 “If you don’t like something, change it.
If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.”

Mary Englebreit

 

There are so many things going on in my life right now. I am trying to balance everything, stay afloat, stay productive, and remain positive and healthy. These are all good things that we all need to maintain good/healthy lives. Well, things don’t always go as planned, or as expected. When we interact with other’s, or put expectations on others, whether or not those people follow through, can leave us satisfied, or diappointed.

That is why I preach and preach that it is so super important to always have your own back!! You can always count on yourself… yet… even we let ourselves down sometimes, right?

The feeling of being disappointed is not a good one. Depending on the situation, it can make us sad, frustrated, mad, or absolutely berserk or irate!! Last night, I felt some disappointment that make me berserk and irate!! And as I was sitting there, feeling all of these emotions that came in a terrential emotional mini-drama, sadness, rage, utterly hurt… I had to let myself feel these things and work my way through this shitty situation in a positive way with out causing more drama or havoc by making things worse by being just completely out of control.

So I did some thinking.

First, I let myself feel the disappointment. It’s ok to feel this. I checked in and acknowledged what I was feeling. It’s ok to feel this way. Just don’t dwell on it!! I told myself to go ahead and feel whatever I was feeling, but not get stuck on it… and then move on.

Then I focused on the big picture of the situation. Looking into the details of my ‘Shitty let down’. Perspective in really important… but this is where I tuned into some gratitude. What did I have, as opposed to the things I felt I missed? This is that positive thinking that can be tough at times, but no matter how let down you are, you need to remember that you still have things to be grateful for, and recognizing them will help pull your mind out of that dark place.

Next, I asked myself if there was anything I could change about the situation. Well, in most cases, when the damage is done, it is irreverseable… but there are still things you can do to move on, right? In my case, I couldn’t change what had happened. It was too late. It was already in the past. And we all know that we can’t change the past, we can’t go back there… so move the hell on!! I don’t live in the past. I live in the present. Is there anything I can do to prevent this from being a future disappointment, yes! There is.. now I am getting somewhere!!

Change the way you see things!! Like the quote above. It’s easy to wallow in self pity… but who wants to do that? I hate being in that place! No good comes of it! If you want to handle your disappointment in a positive way, change the way you think about it. Re-frame your mind on the whole situation… and figure out things you can do instead.

Hope. Believe that there is hope. Have some hope!! When facing disappointments, it’s so easy to be beaten down, to believe that situations are hopeless, and to give up the belief that things will eventually work out. No matter what you do, don’t let your let down bring you completely down. Keep reminding yourself to have hope and know that, despite the fresh pain of a new disappointment, you always have the ability to hope for good things coming your way in the future. Believe in yourself. Believe in hope.

I hope you all have a super great day Tryst Family!!

And remember, No matter you’re facing, no matter how hard it is, don’t forget that you are not alone.

Tryst Thought: Every day people face disappointments of all kinds — from a tiny missed opportunity to a life-altering letdown — and every day people overcome these difficulties and move forward with their lives. Initially it might seem difficult, but handling disappointments well is an essential part of living a positive life. If you want to live positively in the present moment, you must let go of life’s letdowns and focus on the good things in your life. Easy? Not always. Essential? Absolutely.

XoXo Jen

*****

1b99e5c27923ac01563a4e08fe3e31d9

 
 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daily Reflection on Tryst (03/23/13)

Daily Reflection (03/23/13)

 100184c5e88d0e028e7a645b7fdd5901

Yes, I stopped caring…

 It’s a sweet saturday here in the city. Sweet cause that’s what I will make of it. I am in the position this morning to make a really crappy day for myself, mostly because I’m at work, going on like an hour of sleep! Needless to say, I am very tired! I tossed & turned last night, trying to muffle out the distractions in my house and in my mind… and I just couldn’t fall to sleep.

 

I am a person who truly needs and deeply enjoyed a good nights rest! So, when I’m tired and under-slept, I can tend to be a bit cranky. So with that as my amo, why I choose to make my day nice & sweet? Because it is a proven fact that happy energy takes less effort than mad energy. I swear! It’s totally true!! Think about it… When you’re mad, you explode with energy, and not the good kind that people want to be around! When you’re sweet and lovely, while you still have energy, it is just focused the right way, and people love being around that kind of energy! I speak truth & wisdom here… take notes!!

 

So I got my sweet, sleepy ass to work this morning and I’ve been lazily catching up on some reading & writing. Not a bad morning this is turning out to be really… I love that, because that’s how I made it happen! …we don’t give ourselves enough credit in life, we are in control of so much more than we realize at times… huh!

 

This brings me to my reflection today…

 

I am thinking about someone who has taken a turn to the arrogant side. I have to say, I’m disappointed. I connected with this person, and we had great conversations. This went on for a couple of months. Of course, my little gullible heart believed all the words that person spoke to me and now sadly, I’m feeling like a fool. Oh well… at least I am real with people.

 

So, was it all an act? One day, this person just stopped talking to me. Like they are ‘too-good’ to answer a comment or reply, or whatever we normally did to communicate & share. One thing that comes with my sensitive soul, is that when a person turns out to be someone different than I thought, I’m always so so so disappointed and hurt. I take it so so so personally… well, Jen…

 

I stopped taking it personally. I stopped caring!! And it feels good!!

 

I think, OK, I’m glad I know now that this person is a fake, arrogant, douche bag!! I don’t have to waste any more of my time talking to them, and they don’t deserve my sweet time anyway!! In this situation, it’s perfectly OK and good NOT to care!!

 

Have a great Saturday Tryst friends… Don’t let anyone take your sweet and make you sour!!

 

~ Jen

 

Tryst Thought : Don’t waste your time wondering or being upset about someone who sucks!! People may turn out to be someone other than you expected. Most times it’s their loss, not yours, if you are the genuine person in the situation. Don’t waste a minute..

 

See… for me… as soon as I finish this piece… I am done, I don’t have to sorry about it anymore… Gonna have a lazy Saturday at home after work and pray that we don’t get 8 inches of snow like the news has predicted… (we are actually in a winter storm warning again!! how many blizzards are we getting this year? and has Hell froze over? WTF? Where is spring… shit…

 

imagesCA2A7ODU

 
©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication