Hollow

c

Hollow

An empty space

Lingers in its silence

A dark corner haunts

Places I try to avoid

People’s faces

Are blank and cold

Everything I knew

Has left my reality

Leaving behind

My hollow soul

-J. Lefever

(12/11/13)

***

©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

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Still, I Am Nothing

Still, I Am Nothing ~ A Painful Piece of Reality

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Walk somewhere with me…

 

I pick up the sand

It runs through my fingers

Like time

The time I was there

Seems like someone elses life

Completely…

Certainly not mine

 

Who am I trying to be?

 

I’ll run with the horses

In the fields far away

This land is their playground

We just get in the way

Let me play

Just today

For a while

 

Where am I headed?

 

She said I was going

Nowhere

And that I was always

Quite the mess

A Hopeless waste of space

Running around this place

It was true, maybe

I don’t fit anywhere

 

Why do I try?

 

He told me in his words

That no matter what

I’d never succeed

I’ll never be good enough

Never will he be proud

I’m just no good

I’m just not smart

Why give me a chance

Or hope

When there is no hope for me

I’ll never be anyone

That he thinks I should be

 

Why do I still seek his approval?

 

Times like these

Is when I cry the most

Run the fastest

Hide the furthest away

From the world,

And the sunlight

From me and everything else

Trying to numb the

Pain inside

Of never being enough

Of anything

For my dad

 

Why am I not enough?

 

~ J. Lefever ~

This piece is a part of me that I’ve carried for years. My whole life, really.

I almost didn’t post it. I almost didn’t put the very last word in it.

This piece hurts. Bad. It’s how I’ve felt for years, and still to this day, no matter what I do, no matter how many battles I’ve finally found the strength to overcome, I am still not enough, not good enough, I am still nothing to my dad.

 

It breaks my heart.

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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication