Daily Reflection on Tryst – Letting Go of Yesterday

Daily Reflection on Tryst

October 22, 2013

Letting Go of Yesterday …

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Today my thought is simple. I want to remind myself and others while I’m at it, that there is no point in fussing over the past. The past is over and there is nothing you can do about it. How much time have you wasted into fussing over this and that about your yesterday?

Of course I am mainly pointing this advice towards myself today … I have a current situation that has me … quite pissed actually, pissed about some things that happened about a year ago. About a year ago!?!?! How stupid is this then? There is nothing I can do to change these events, there is no amount of time I can spend trying to explain them, or justify them, or rationalize them in any way. The time has passed. The events took place. And I have since moved on from all of it.

These events have consequences though. Those consequences are what I am currently dealing with and thus explain my pissy, fussy, bitter attitude and my sense of regret.

I am reminded on a daily basis right now about my foolishness a year ago … the fact that I listened to my heart instead of my head a year ago … the fact that I majorly sacrificed my safely and well-being for the sake of another a year ago … the face that my life and my parent’s life will be highly affected if this ends badly because of this other person and my inability to remove myself from the situation a year ago … I a reminded on a daily basis that it get me nowhere, ever, loving another person MORE than I love myself!!! If I love another more than I love me, look how much shit I have to deal with … only because I made some serious sacrifices, and excuses for this person.

I am the fool who loved someone else more than I loved my own self and as a result … I am paying for it greatly right now.

But this is still all a pointless waste of my time! And everyone else’s whom I might bother with the banter and conversation about this shit. So, what can I do?

I can think about what I CAN do for my future and to move on with the best outcome and the best results for this situation and these events. Nope, I sure as hell can’t change the past but I can make a difference on what happens today and tomorrow.

So that is what I am doing. Stop with the bullshit fuss about what I wish I would have or have not done a year ago and get on with the best course of action to make my present and my future more pleasant … and make this past situation, end peacefully.

Phew … glad I got that off my chest!! I needed to vent a little!!! Of course, this matter is personal and so I am vague about the what-have-you’s … but that’s my business. I only wanted to reflect here on the pointlessness of fussing over things that have already happened. Put energy into today and tomorrow and you’ll be much better off!!!

Oh, and NEVER love someone else MORE than you love yourself. Period. Ever. Never do that. Because no one will ever love you or have your back as much as you do. People are NOT selfless like that. I learn the hard way when I act selfless towards someone (Someone in particular) That ‘sacrifice’ , whether they say it or not, would most likely never be returned. People are too selfish to put you before them. It makes me sad to think about this reality because it is honestly not how I am. I never feel good when I am acting selfish, so it is hard for me to wrap my head around this ‘loving yourself more’ but it is a powerful truth and wisdom.

I think I need to find a good balance between the two … being selfless still towards others, but still loving myself enough, if not a little more … plenty, or just right! 🙂

I hope you have a great day Tryst Family!! XO – Jen

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Karma Police

Karma Police

*** Tryst Free Write ***

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Sitting, waiting and watching … patiently … is Karma.

People may not ever realize that Karma is watching, or that it is even real … but it is.

Karma has much more patience than we can even imagine. That is why when we are stumbling around, down here on earth, waiting for someone’s Karma to show up, or even our own, and we can’t understand why it is taking so long.

Well, Karma, I have learned, waits for the perfect moment. A moment that we can’t see coming, a moment that we are totally unaware of, a moment that we can’t even anticipate. There are all reasons for Karma, and why it exists, and how it works … Karma is the link to our inner most judge and jury, that of which knows us better than we know ourselves. Karma always knows when we have lied, cheated, stolen, hurt out of vengeance, acted out of pride, hidden out of gluttony and lied out of lust … yes, there are many things that we do as people, and there are many things we think we keep to ourselves, things that we think no one knows … but even if that is so, even if we were extremely careful, and did not get caught, even if we were able to keep something we have done a complete secret from anyone and everyone, except ourselves, even if this is so, we can never keep secrets from Karma (And of our God, as we understand him) … I believe that those 2 things, those 2 infinite beings, those 2 incredibly powerful entities always know what is in our hearts, minds and souls. Karma and our power of a higher being always know if we have good intent, if we are really trying, when we are really hurting, when and if we are right or wrong, if we are treating others well & kind, if we are treating ourselves well & kind, if our intent is good and for the better, if we have really changed our ways for the better, if we are real or not, if our actions match up to our lives and if our lives match up to our thoughts and if our thoughts match up to our inner most wants, needs and desires … they know, us better than we can even imagine, they know what we are doing, what we deserve and where we are going …

I get lost thinking of these things … a lot lately.

I think of these things as I go through this murder trial … praying for justice for the life of my brother, and yet, all the while knowing that none of it really matters. I won’t ever see my brother again. So, none of it really matters.

But Karma, Karma watches … waits … and as much as I want Karma to come down and get to work on the person who killed Dave, I know that I have a long time to wait for Karma to show up on this matter. I know that Karma will. I believe that you can’t possibly take a life, a life that wasn’t even threatening another, take it and just walk away, unaffected by it, with no life consequences upon your own … this cannot be the way it works in the world. Not under this sky, not under the power of higher being who watches us and protects us … this cannot be. So, I believe that Karma will show up, quite some time from now, in its usual fashion, at a time and place beyond my understanding, to pay its dues …

Impatient me waits … for patient Karma Police … to show up and teach someone a lesson … even though I know that, no matter what, Karma will never hurt this person as much as this person has hurt me and my family … Karma doesn’t work that way …

Karma teaches us in other ways …

Has Karma ever taught you?

Has Karma ever given you pain to feel?

Have you learned to change your ways because of the things that Karma has shown you?

~J. Lefever

(10/09/13)

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Palindromes

A Poetic Duet Written by Pieces & Think. Speak. Tryst

This is the brilliance of Neeraj, mixed with the feminine sensitivity of me, (Jen) … An emotional expression of words through the hearts & minds of a man and a woman .. Here, Neeraj explains this beautifully:

Palindromes are the words and sequences that are same while reading from backward or forward such as “madam”. Here, our palindrome will be for emotional sequence, connecting everything forming a never-ending circle of same sentiments, happening again and again. Like in this poem, every paragraph begins with same emotion the last paragraph was ended with. What you think? I would say let’s take the chance and redefine the word ‘Palindrome’ in a wider, emotional sense.
And, of course, I loved it and here it is!! Our written affair from us, to you ~ I hope you enjoy! XO
Palindromes
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Smoke filled the empty room
Leaving me empty
All too soon
Here I am
Surrounded in my distractions
Cloaked in what I thought I knew
Laughing at my false interactions
And you are gone
So far from view
Gone like you were never here
Not in this world, where
I’m forced to keep myself alive
Sitting here, seeing my today
And yesterday fighting with hands
With each other
Just like we used to play
Not so long ago
Yet, long ago is where we were,
We were incredible upon the world
Two hearts, joined in one
Pieces that fell, and
Came together again…
Laughing as we, Loved endlessly
But that was then
It’s changed somehow
Somehow,
Something changed,
Altered the face of my today.
And I want to chase you back,
Want to go back
And live my yesterday…
When teasing was amusing
Not so long ago
Again the room is filling with smoke…
Leaving me empty
All too soon.
Written by Neeraj K. & Jen L.
Visit Neeraj and see the PIECES  of his soul by following this link …
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Foolish Me

Foolish Me

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Fooled again

Am I always the fool?

Do you target me

On purpose

Knowing my soft & sensitive

Heart …

Such a game you have played

With me all these years

Yet

Looking at me now

You seem confused

You see strength instead

A force you cannot break

Where has my sensitivity gone?

Has it turned into steel?

Trying to lure me back

But I’m not receptive to you

Not right away

Or as quickly as you like

So you are taken back

By this sudden force of strength

That I now, somehow possess

So am I the fool

Or has that become you

Fooled by my change

My wisdom has taken action

I stand tall and proud

I am still the same

Sensitive and sweet heart

But I am stronger now

I cannot be broken down

So easily

As before

So don’t be troubled

Don’t keep trying to break me down

Forget about winning

Try not to defend yourself

Because you have become the fool

Your actions foolish

A display of your own insecurities

Fool me, not again

Dearest acquaintance

As I watch

As you have become the fool

Fooling no one

But yourself

As I am no one’s fool

~Jen Lefever~

10/01/13

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Walking Away

This is a Poetic Duet that tugs at the heart.

 Written by the talented Neeraj of Pieces, and myself of Tryst.

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Walking Away

 Packed my bags I’m headed to the front door

with broken dreams and a broken heart
Once I’m gone I’m not coming back
Congratulations, we are getting apart
Isn’t this what you wanted from me were looking for?
An ending to our story, broken as we bleed
Turning to catch you, watching me go
Yet the room window was empty, like us, I know
Shrugged my shoulders. Why? I’m not sure
Took everything to this (broken) heart
Disconnected links, it’s not gonna restart
Congratulations, we are getting apart
It was once the love we had together
Welcoming & warm, like we were forever
Turning the page, you are cold & empty
What we had, I can’t even remember
Not that I wanna recall,
peel off the wounds before they could heal
“reality bites” makes sense now
‘cause throughout this nonsense we were real
Turning back to my cellophane life
Ending with you, ending this fight
Maybe tomorrow we will see the light
Walking away, without you in sight.
Written by Neeraj & Jen on Tryst
Visit Neeraj at his space called ‘Pieces’ to view this publication in his own personal style, by following the link.
Look into Neeraj deeper by reading more of his posts & pieces.

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Moving through the Night

I have been blessed with a wonderful soul. Alastair and I have been exchanging words for a few months now, and I have truly enjoyed getting to know this beautiful person. My warm-hearted friend and I have written a duet, it is his first poetic duet and I am honored to have shared this experience with him. Take some time to visit him as well by following this link to ALASTAIRS BLOG!!
 
A Poetic Duet
 
Written by Alastair and Think Speak Tryst
 
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‘Moving through the Night’
 
I fear as the storm approaches
and night-time falls
I hear your voice from afar,
as to me it calls
 
Through the mist and the fog
I can see the light.
I envision your face, your help,
your warrior’s might
 
The more I approach you
The more I see
The more your hand stretches
Reaching out for me.
 
Remembering the moment
The very first time we spoke
Delicate you
Falling before me
 
In the night air
Down on bruised knees
I can see you
Beginning to bleed
 
I look in your face
Your eyes full of tears
I take your hand
Try to ease your fears
 
Come sit beside me
Under the stars in the sky
You have run far too long
And for many reasons why
 
Let go of the years
Let go of the pain
I will be with you
Tonight in the rain
 
As I give you these words
My promise to you
Darling sweet friend
May your strength pull you through
 
In the chaos of the storm
There is a sudden, soft break
Be calm, precious you
You are not your mistakes
 
Through the mist and the fog
Let us both find our light
Leaving the past far behind
As we travel through the night.
 
Written by Alastair & Jen
 
 
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Miraculous Me

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Miraculous Me

 

In the break of the morning

A pause in the moment

My mind gathers its thoughts

And I realize my reality

 

I have come so far

From the deepest depths of despair

To the brightest shooting stars

Soul shinning with every step I take

 

Yes, this is all true

I can finally say I’ve done something

I can finally say that I am alive again

Living my life, through and through

 

I think of the battles

Of all the mountains I had to climb

Yesterday was to tougher than most

But I made it, I actually survived

 

I stand in my kitchen

Pouring coffee and making toast

The simplest of routine tasks

Render me quite grateful indeed

 

When you find yourself lost

Inside of your dark troubles

You forget to be thankful

For the little things most people take for granted

 

But miraculous me

Gives thanks for those things

For my battles and victories

For my life and for me…

 

~ J Lefever ~

(05/17/13)

 

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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication