Tag Archives: Heart broken
All That Remains
All That Remains
A moment in time
Words are like thunderstorms
The exchange we make
In attempt only to poison another
What does that say
About the people we are
When we seek to sabotage
Hurt and drown
Someone we love?
It comes like a thousand knives
I can’t shake the feeling
Up all night with anxiety
Dripping in your
Painful exchange
Falling asleep with swollen eyes
Tears of exhaustion
Finally put me to rest
But a troubled sleep it is
With your words in my mind
Trying to open your eyes
To the way things have become
Still
You come at me like
I am your enemy
May I remind you
I am only a piece of you
Your heart made mine
So why are you breaking it
apart
We have suffered a great loss
It is hard to keep going
Made even harder
With your anger choking us
Once there was unity
Now we stand divided
When all that remains
Is the anger we hide in
What do we have left
Am I the only one trying
To keep us in light
And live instead of dying
But then comes a new sun
And your words pierce my heart
Inside I am still crying
Because we are falling apart
~ J. Lefever ~
(04/26/13)
Broken Bridges
Broken Bridges
What we were
Can’t shake the feeling
What we’ve done
Our bridge is now broken
Silence now between us
Whispers words unspoken
It’s not us
Broken trust
Tainted lust
We stand
In the dust
Left far behind
Said too much
Bleeding
Can’t rewind
Bridge has fallen
Shaking as we
Walk across
Daring to find
Some Peace of mind
As we are
Left far behind
The ‘Us’ we once were
Trust we once shared
Too much to take
Does either of us even care?
~J. Lefever~
(04/23/13)
House of Blues
identify
identify
If only one
word to tell
I watch you by
I, identify you
there, in the wake
of my eye
I’ll follow you
until time
is no more
defeated by you
once, you stand
at my door…
~J. Lefever~
(04/09/13)
I wrote this yesterday… these words came to me, somehow, as I drove down the street… I scribbled them onto a piece of paper, and I’ve been staring at them trying to decipher what they mean… why this chain of words came to me, in the midst of my day… yesterday…
********
Love Bites ~ Tryst Update
Love Bites ~ Tryst Update
Wednesday. I’m at work. My life keeps on going… whether I like it or not. I’m not really sure how much more I can handle. Yesterday was really tough. I haven’t spoken to anyone about the events of yesterday, yet… I am kind-of going over things in my mind.
Yesterday I was reminded of some truths and wisdom’s:
“No one gives a real shit about you, except yourself.”
“Watch your own back. No one is going to do it for you.”
“Just because you hold yourself accountable for mistakes in life, doesn’t mean other people will.”
“It is much easier to point a finger at someone else.”
And…
“People can be a real disappointment.” …Even the ones we love the most. When we realize that what we would do for them, far surpasses what they would ever do for us.
I can sit here and tell myself, oh, if it wasn’t for this, or that, or that person, I would never be in this situation. (( I know I am being very vague here, but I need some discrepancy, at least for the time being. )) But that kind of thinking is really unproductive. Yea, other people play a part in things, sometimes a real BIG part. And I doubt when times are tough, that those people want to admit they are responsible for some of the grief, or responsible for some of the suffering that another is going through. Who likes to admit they have played a part in fucking up someone’s life? I sure would feel really-stinkin-bad if I were a certain someone in my life right now… but that’s just me. My heart knows right from wrong. I have screwed up many things in my life, but I still know when I’m responsible for something. Which gets me to my point…
I can’t sit here and be mad at someone else. Sure, when I think back on the years, my life got really shitty there for a while, and it was half me, half them. They got the luckier/easier end of the stick, I didn’t. I did not have any of these problems before this person came into my life, so the proof is right there. There is nothing to argue about.
No one really prepares you for some things in life. My dad tells my that my heart is so good, kind & sensitive that it is not always a good thing. Sometimes, having a heart that cares like I do, I find myself suffering a lot more than I should because the inability to tell people to FUCK OFF and GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE. My dad is right. I have a very hard time saying that to people… most especially if I have a love for them, any kind of love, makes it that much harder.
I sit here and hear the words, over & over in my mind, “The only one who really cares about me is me…”
Today, Tryst family, I am reflecting on what is really best for myself. I have lost a lot in the last three years. A lot. What does my future look like if I don’t make some serious changes… There are too many things I want to do… Why the hell would I sacrifice anything in my life? …I shouldn’t have too… (More on this in my Daily Ref. )
Always have your BEST interests at heart!! DON’T sacrifice anything for anyone!! Trust me, life is short, and no one is worth it. (( I take that back… there are good people out there who are worth it, but they are few and rare… ))
I hope the day finds you all well Tryst Peeps. As for me, I have a life to think about. (( I hope this made any sense… I feel like I just went on a rant… but, even I, need a rant every once & a while! Life is hard!! People suck!! I have a right to rant, if I want, right? ))
~ Jen
Tryst Thought : How many times must my heart-break? I don’t know if I can keep defending someone who I know has done me wrong. I need not have to explain the words on this page either. For any intelligent person, this should be understandable.
When you love someone, you don’t create more complications for them. You don’t throw them under the bus, and their well-being, even their freedom, just for your own selfish needs and problems. That is not love. That is not love at all.
Still, I Am Nothing
Still, I Am Nothing ~ A Painful Piece of Reality
Walk somewhere with me…
I pick up the sand
It runs through my fingers
Like time
The time I was there
Seems like someone elses life
Completely…
Certainly not mine
Who am I trying to be?
I’ll run with the horses
In the fields far away
This land is their playground
We just get in the way
Let me play
Just today
For a while
Where am I headed?
She said I was going
Nowhere
And that I was always
Quite the mess
A Hopeless waste of space
Running around this place
It was true, maybe
I don’t fit anywhere
Why do I try?
He told me in his words
That no matter what
I’d never succeed
I’ll never be good enough
Never will he be proud
I’m just no good
I’m just not smart
Why give me a chance
Or hope
When there is no hope for me
I’ll never be anyone
That he thinks I should be
Why do I still seek his approval?
Times like these
Is when I cry the most
Run the fastest
Hide the furthest away
From the world,
And the sunlight
From me and everything else
Trying to numb the
Pain inside
Of never being enough
Of anything
For my dad
Why am I not enough?
~ J. Lefever ~
This piece is a part of me that I’ve carried for years. My whole life, really.
I almost didn’t post it. I almost didn’t put the very last word in it.
This piece hurts. Bad. It’s how I’ve felt for years, and still to this day, no matter what I do, no matter how many battles I’ve finally found the strength to overcome, I am still not enough, not good enough, I am still nothing to my dad.
It breaks my heart.
ღ