Creating Illusion ~ Tryst Update

Creating Illusions ~ Tryst Update
 
There was a time when the world was my oyster.
That time seems so long ago.
I was a vibrant youth, running around the world.
Alive, with every breath I swallowed up joy.
Then life happened and everything changed.
The world turned grey and things I love went away.
Now I’m grown, but I’m broken inside.
Most days I feel invisible.
There was a time when I thought I’d never know sadness.
I must have been fooling myself.
Sadness came and it won’t seem to leave.
 
The world is full of many things.
That is the wisdom… right there
It is pretty some days, and dull the next
There is sadness here, as well as joy
There are rainbows for every storm cloud
Tears for pain and laughter for happiness.
 
For my invisible days
I ask myself, why am I hiding?
It’s me that creates the illusion of invisibility
Not others…
 
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I can’t always explain why certain emotions come & go. There are just reasons beyond other people’s understanding… and that is OK! Not everyone is supposed to understand why my heart cries…Just as I should not UNLOAD all my tears onto others.
 
I have a very good life. I have a very normal life. I am a good person, like most of us… But, my life is different & unique, as each one of our lives are. It is mine. There are a couple of things that I have going on in my life that are, quite ridiculous. But no matter how much I despise them, I have no choice. Just gotta get through them. These are the things that can bring me down a little because I know I’m quite honestly ‘too-good’ to be going through this shit… but still, life sure doesn’t discriminate, does it?
 
Sometimes, being alone is a really good/healthy thing for the soul.  ((I try to tell my husband this, but he doesn’t like to hear it. He doesn’t like to be alone at all!)) He doesn’t understand why I pack up my car and go to my lake house to get away and just be alone. I NEED to be alone with my thoughts. To clear my head. To listen to my heart.
 
Only in the space of solitude… do I find true internal peace and reason.
 

♥Jen

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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 

 

 
 
 
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Finding Solitude

This is a Poetic Duet written by Hastywords & Think. Speak. Tryst.

Always a pleasure exchanging words with Miss Hasty, who truly is a part of my heart. We have a sweet gift of being able to connect on a really deep level… We also believe that there is a possibility that we were separated at birth!

To me, this piece represents a spirit that needs to be free. It’s a piece about not wanting to be tied down in one place for too long. Obviously, I relate because it is the kind of spirit I have. One that looses its fire when it’s been trapped, imprisoned in the city, told it has nowhere to go and that everything I need is here…Well, I beg to differ.

I often write about how different we all are. So why do some think that what makes them happy, also makes everyone else happy? That is just ignorance. My happiness is different from others, this I know! Just because some people may be fine living their lives in one place, and never being free to see other wonderous places of this wonderful earth, that is certainly not my happiness. My spirit needs to go… My spirit needs to be free… That is who I am… Everyday, this place sucks more light out of me… You can see it in my eyes, if you look, my spark is gone….

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Finding Solitude

 

Sand feels like velvet

Smooth & white underneath me

Imprinting my body’s curves

On the canvas of the Earth

 

The beach absorbing me

Taking me as I am

Pulling me into its gravity

As I inhale the sky above me

 

I brought my soul here

To sit in the salty air

Only for a day, to

Be free of my life entirely

 

My bare figure basking in rays

As seabirds cry me a song

The crashing waves a symphony

As my worries get washed away

 

Imagining my life was never mine at all

I absorb the earth’s elements

Becoming one with my surroundings

The sea has been calling to me

 

I lay here for days, nobody sees me

Praying mother earth will dissolve me

I implore the heavens above

To demand the surf to take me

 

Take me and wash away my mind

Worries and pain are gone with the sea

Becoming one with the land, the beach & the sand

I find solitude in my wishes today

  

Written by Miss Hasty & Miss Tryst

This is the second piece Hasty Girl & I have written on solitude…

 

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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Float

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Float
 
I want to be invisible, for now
Nothing for anyone to see
Moments & memories
My imprints of my past, gone
Like a feather floating in the breeze
A little piece of nothing important
Floating bye for no one to see
 
No one notices something that is
Nothing, when there is nothing
To see
 
I like the feeling of detachment
Rendering me in a calm state of mind
Awareness has slipped away with the wind
Swallow me world & make me invisible
Make me nothing for the world to see
 
 
Look at me, I’m not really here
I’m so empty today, you see
I float through the minutes of this day
Aware that I need not be
Anything important
I am nothing to see
 
I can go anywhere today
Be anywhere that I want to be
And still, not really be there
That’s what it feels like
When you feel like nothing
I am invisible
No one can see my sad heart
No one notices my tears that fall
Gently down to the ground
Landing in a soft pool of wetness
Representing a soul that is broken
No one notices my empty hands
Wanting to be held
Wanting to be safe and warm
Waiting to feel like I’m someone
 
Is it okay if I isolate today
What will it matter
If I just literally slip away
When I’m here, you don’t seem to listen
When I’m there, you don’t even see
It’s like I’m just imagining
My importance to you
So instead of pretending
I will just go
Don’t worry, my dear
You won’t notice a thing
Nothing will change when nothing goes
Away with me, with just me to be
I love you but you don’t even see
That I’m invisible to you
And it’s damaging me
 
I’ll float somewhere else
Where nothing else matters
 
~ J. Lefever ~
 
This piece was written in regards to… something inside… of me, or maybe someone else… either way, it is real and it is my sadness today…
Do you ever just want to float away?
 
 
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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Evening Reflection on Trystღ (02/09/13)

Evening Reflection (02/09/13)

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A Little Bit of Isolation

 Hey Tryst… I hope you all had a really good Saturday. I have been tucked away in a little corner it seems… My spirit is really searching for something. Something kind, something comforting, something that just feels right. I have been thinking about a lot of things this weekend it’s rendered me a bit overwhelmed. I have had some other bloggers I know express these feelings as well. Express feelings of feeling a little lost, a little down, slightly alone, not quite themselves, or searching for a little something, even something unknown. Life brings us moments like this, all of us. I’m always honored when someone reaches out to me for some kindness and comfort as their friend. A true friend should be there. My friendships really mean a lot to me. But in that same sense, it’s very hard for me to ask for a friend when I need one. I mean, it almost paralyzes me, and I just isolate instead.

I’m overloaded with life right now. I’m trying to stay balanced and keep my spirit happy too, and honestly, I’m freakin exhausted!I’m so tired of life right now! I’m tired of work and the obligations I have there! I’m having a case of the burn out’s! Yes. I am burned out!

This is not another rant, this is a Tryst reflection so, I am here to reflect on the non-productivity of isolation. Isolation really solves nothing. It’s the act of stuffing all your problems inside and hiding from the world, and that includes friends and family. Depending on the severity and length of the isolation period, those friends and family of yours could get worried, so make sure to come up for some air! I feel like I have been doing some isolating all day, and I’m already screaming for some fresh air… grateful that this was a 24hour case, and not something more severe. No, I didn’t reach out, I didn’t talk about anything. I feel like I’ve shared enough his past week, and that has me feeling a little overly exposed anyway.

Tonight, I validate my isolation. I recognize why it’s here. I am thinking about what I need to get out of my shell tomorrow, because isolating isn’t healthy.

Isolating doesn’t solve your problems!

Pull your spirit up a little, if you’re isolating, and reach out! I believe that all of our spirits are beautiful and all need love and nourishment. So, reach out and get some!!

I hope you all have a really great evening, Till next time…  ~Jen

©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

The Calm Before the Storm

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The Calm Before the Storm

Insignificant, I seem to be

Night arrives, and underneath the silver of the moon

I get lost trying to find

A place that feels like home

Something that is familiar

A voice that brings comfort

She is empty again, they say

Can’t you see

Look how broken she is

Have I come undone?

Underneath the silver of the moon

The air is still

But it is the calm

Before the tragic storm

Raging tears arrive

Like a hurricane of emotion

I have left the stillness of the night

Now drowning in the river

Who took pieces of me away

That crawls through my heart

Further and further from my reach

He is gone

I can’t find him anywhere

He was taken in an instant

Taken like he was nothing

Nothing was the taker

An angel is who he took

Left us in the shadowed memories of what was

To be

I scream for him

I scream his name

Into the silence of the night

Into the calm before the storm

The storm inside my heart

I fight everyday

In the absence of him

He, who was I

The other part of me

Forever in time, we always were

A part of each other

Until a nothing took my no one

From me

Left me

So insignificant because I can’t bring him back

Underneath the silver of the moon

I am the storm

~~ J. Lefever ~~

(01/28/13)

 

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My brother. My best friend. I love you more than all the stars in the sky.

I miss you more than words can say.

I will miss you until my last dying breath…

~ Sis

Angry Clouds

My dear, sweet friend was having a bit of a bum day, yesterday. So we connected with each other and wrote this Poetic Duet. Hastywords is a lovely & beautifully talented writer who is quickly becoming a part of my heart! You can find her work by following the links provided.

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Angry Clouds

I sit angry in a cloud of fumes

Hatred trying to tempt me

Walking the hallways in my mind

Stirring up mischief with my memories

The darkness cloaks my heart

Shielding it from any kind of warmth & light

That which it needs, so desperately

A single, silent tear falls to the floor

A single wet spot left alone to dry

Without a home, exposed, and cold

It mimics the feelings I hide inside

That single tear calling for reason

Calling in the absence of the air

 In the thickness of this emptiness

Familiar pain inside my soul

Is the catalyst for my tears

Anger subsides and I leave it alone

For another day, to re-visit

What am I aching for

Bleeding strength in all the wrong places

Without the anger, without the tears

The thick, heavy emptiness screams

Pushing me to the brink

Begging me for a reaction

Trying its damned best

 To reignite a passion long-lost, long forgotten

A Poetic Duet

Written by Hastywords & Think. Speak. Tryst

Angry Clouds on Hastywords is HERE