Little You ~ A Tryst Re-Visit

Little You

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Imagine… At this point in your life, after every moment you have lived up to this very moment… if the child version of you walked in to the room and reached up to you, the adult you, to be picked up and put in your lap… looking at you, the little you, say five years old or so… what would you tell this tiny child? What would you say to your five year old, innocent self…?

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…this question, this deep rooted, emotionally moving, moment of pivitol words to be spoken only to yourself, from you as an adult to you as a tiny, sweet and innocent child, was asked of me by a person I respect very much. When I close my eyes, and picture myself at five years old, and picture my five year old self looking at me now… it made my heart beat fast. I had tears in my eyes. It gave me the urge and desire to want to hold and hug this little girl… me. To look at my five year old self and say, ‘I’m so sorry sweet baby’, is only the beginning. Of course, I have thought about this. I have thought about this very hard. I was forever moved by this question and will use this little exercise from time to time to remind myself that underneath my skin, behind the eyes of me as a grown woman, was once the heart, mind and spirit of an innocent child that did not know any better. As we all start this way, young and small and unable to protect ourselves, then we grow up and in the more time we spend on this earth, how many times have we hurt ourselves? How many times have we forgotten to love ourselves? Or not protected ourselves? Or disapointed, shamed, scared or even lied to our very own selves…?

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I would tell my little self to love myself in every single moment. I would say that if you don’t love your own heart, even one time, then it will be weak and in life you need a strong heart! Others cannot love you if you don’t love yourself. And if you don’t love yourself then it is impossible to give love and to receive love. I would tell my little self that I am very sorry for the times I hurt you and let you down. Learning in life, growing up I didn’t know everything and I never meant to hurt little you, but sometimes I did. Sometimes I forgot about little you and left you alone in the dark, or out in the cold rain. For all of those times when I didn’t know any better, I hope little me can forgive me… image

It does take strength to forgive, little innocent me, so practice this virtue. I would tell little me to remember that I have always loved my tiny heart, my tiny self, and love is what has kept me, us, going. To love is the greatest thing, to be loved is truly priceless and always give to others what you would want for your own self. That is the magic of karma, and karma is always there, right behind you. I would tell little me that I’ve never given up and I never will. I’ll always be here, for me. image

This is a very powerful image, for the mind and spirit. To anyone who reads this, imagine little you sitting on your lap… what would you say? After all the things you have been through, seen and survived so far .. is there anything important enough to tell your little self .. ?

~ Jen

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© Think. Speak. Tryst Publication

For a lovely and beautiful poetic piece that goes brilliantly with this, visit Edward Hotspur’s site Lyrical Anarchy and read Time’s Fleeting Glances

Another beautiful soul that I have recently encountered in my life, you will find her words truly heart-warming, inspiring & will leave you with tears of joy as she is a brilliant example of Human Kind at its up-most Loving-kindness. She has become one of my favorite writers and I look forward to her posts daily!

Visit The Other Side of Ugly by following this link, and let your eyes fall upon the words of The Ugly In Me by following this link. Both of these pieces reminded me of what I was thinking when I wrote this piece above. I know that you will enjoy, and you will find that the writer is an angel herself … among us all … right here in this world.

Start Fresh in January. 2013

569705421582232197_UbgCJOXW_b  New year, New beginnings…

The January Journal.

January 1, 2013 –

With the start of anything, I’m always predicting how things will be in my mind. These are just some thought’s in January to put in my Tryst Journal… It’s the first day of the new year. Last year seems like a bad dream when I think about it. There was a lot of loss in my life last year. I have had to leave some things behind, someone who has always been a part of me. As I miss my brother more and more everyday, the time that goes by without him doesn’t get easier. I must accept that he is gone, or I will never move forward. This is a year of big change for me… there are a lot of things that I want to do. I know myself, though, I’m already getting overwhelmed by looking at everything as a whole, and not one thing at a time. If I were to set a New Years Resolution, it would be to break patterns, habits, and try new approaches to everything! Everything! It’s a ‘New’ year resolution for a reason… do something NEW!!

imagesCAF6XMH9  New You!

January 11, 2013 –

My day was frustrating and difficult. After the roller coaster of last year, I can say with much conviction that, there is some healing to be done and a mountain to climb. I am not at the bottom, however, but I have a long way to go. When the emotions of a family are all on the rocks, due to the tragic loss of one of its members, maintaining a rational attitude 100% of the time is unrealistic. I am learning about the stages of grief. Anger is the one that is the most difficult for me to accept. I am not an angry person, not at all. Maybe sensitive at times, fragile, gullible, yes many other things, but angry? No. I’m not the angry girl. So, when I feel this anger, I almost get angry that I’m angry. Here’s what’s going on… I am trying to stay calm and positive all the time, and this is not that difficult, but when I feel hurt or sad at the loss of my brother and that hurt and sadness turns to anger, aren’t I allowed to feel the pain and get the angry shit out?!?! My mom is going through this… My dad is much more passive and keeps things as internal as possible, as I believe is quite common for men, and then there is me. We are all just trying to do the very best we can, and sometimes a day comes along that is harder than the rest. It’s life, right? It’s dealing with loss, and grief, right? It’s not supposed to be easy…

imagesCACXV7OX  I really like this, so I had to put it in my digital journal. ~ J

January 17th, 2013 –

I am exploring myself this week. I have been writing a lot and sharing some pieces that are very personal, close, and dear to my heart. Pieces that I wrote last spring when I was on the inside. Wow, how the time is flying.. I have been learning of some new creative writing outlets and I’m excited to write a poetry duet with a blogging friend. These things are good for me, as I always feel up-lifted when I’m using my creative side.

January 18th, 2013 –

I have been, screaming on the inside, and numb and frozen on the outside. I feel a little trapped, in my routine, and it’s not a routine that makes my soul truly satisfied. So… what should I do…? Take the necessary steps towards what I want/need… but what are those steps..? I feel like I really don’t even know yet. This makes me claustrophobic, and restless. In my blog exploration, I found someone who wrote on this very subject, you can find her piece right here, in a well-rounded blog titled Passionwritting. Anyway, I did not have a good night last night. I spent some time thinking about what I need to do to move towards obtaining at least one of my goals… and I just ended up overwhelming myself! I need to alleviate some of this stress and anxiety! I checked with the City Events Calender on-line and got all kinds of information on upcoming events here in the city. I plan to busy myself with all kinds of things that are different, or out-side my normal box… I have to. I need a change. I’m screaming to get out…

…As January is nearing its end, and the first month of 2013 is already over… What have I done to honor my resolution?

imagesCACL66W6 January Goal – Health & fitness.

Start eating healthier, cooking at home more, taking vitamins, getting regular sleep, maintaining balance between work and relaxing, and get into a yoga class! These are my January goals and main focus points! Get my health on.. ~J

Zen

If there is a day, in which I am in desperate need of some Zen, today is that day…

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Zen is a total state of focus that incorporates a total togetherness of body and mind. Zen is a way of being. It also is a state of mind. Zen involves dropping illusion and seeing things without distortion created by your own thoughts. (Thank you Urban Dictionary, you are so wonderful as always)
 
The Mac-Daddy of Zen is, that’s right, Buddha. I have always loved the ways of the Buddhist because its a belief in the world and all of it’s elements, it is not a faith. Now, I’m not proclaiming that I have no faith, because I do, I have a lot of it, as well as spirituality and soul… but the Buddhists are more open than any one certain faith, and I love that openness.
 
I am so zen…
This act of ‘being so zen’ translates to having complete and absolute peace. If this is something that you wish to achieve, as I wanted it so badly today, I made a list of things that I do to help me reach zen –
 
1. Get outside and get some fresh air!
     -I find that when I remove myself from the confinements of the indoors and place myself outside in the fresh air, with the elements of the Earth, I can reach a state of serenity and calm by closing my eyes, taking deep breaths, and doing a simple meditation of relaxing the mind and letting go of physical tension.
 
2. Smile at everyone I see or cross paths with!
     -A smile takes less energy than a frown. I swear! It’s completely true! Plus, smiling is a pleasant gesture to give and to receive. When I smile, I find my mind is quite calm and it actually relaxes my body naturally.
 
3. Take the time to do things slowly!
     -When I rush through my day, I miss so much. And what I don’t really even realize, is how much I actually miss, until I sit and think about it. Crazy how blind and asleep we actually are when we rush through things. Slow down, perform my tasks with care and discipline, and pace myself with open eyes!
 
4. Chew my food!
     -I am a lover of food, but, I must confess that I’ve had many meals that I threw down my throat. It’s nuts! When dinning out, or even better, when enjoying one of my own creations, chew slowly and take little bites. My food ain’t going anywhere, it’s there to nourish my body and for me to enjoy…. so….enjoy it!!!
 
5. Gratitude.
     -This is important to a day of zen. When the sun falls and the sky turns black and we are illuminated by the glow of the beautiful moon, take a minute to think about the things that you’re grateful for. Make a list or write them in a journal if ya wish… the point is, focusing on good, positive, things that I’m so grateful for, puts my mind in that peaceful place, rather than a place of negative resentment or regret! Yuck… So yes!! Honor what you’re grateful for, it makes me feel good every single time!
 
This is a special transmission from separating yourself from outside influences and stresses of life, and connecting with your inner spirit and mind, thus creating a sence of coolness and calm attained through the act of letting go and becoming aware of your mind, body and spirit.
 
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Yoga is like soup for the soul. I need to get some yoga back into my life… Yoga is a great way to reach zen!
 
Namaste’
~ Jen