Daily Reflection on Tryst – Letting Go of Yesterday

Daily Reflection on Tryst

October 22, 2013

Letting Go of Yesterday …

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Today my thought is simple. I want to remind myself and others while I’m at it, that there is no point in fussing over the past. The past is over and there is nothing you can do about it. How much time have you wasted into fussing over this and that about your yesterday?

Of course I am mainly pointing this advice towards myself today … I have a current situation that has me … quite pissed actually, pissed about some things that happened about a year ago. About a year ago!?!?! How stupid is this then? There is nothing I can do to change these events, there is no amount of time I can spend trying to explain them, or justify them, or rationalize them in any way. The time has passed. The events took place. And I have since moved on from all of it.

These events have consequences though. Those consequences are what I am currently dealing with and thus explain my pissy, fussy, bitter attitude and my sense of regret.

I am reminded on a daily basis right now about my foolishness a year ago … the fact that I listened to my heart instead of my head a year ago … the fact that I majorly sacrificed my safely and well-being for the sake of another a year ago … the face that my life and my parent’s life will be highly affected if this ends badly because of this other person and my inability to remove myself from the situation a year ago … I a reminded on a daily basis that it get me nowhere, ever, loving another person MORE than I love myself!!! If I love another more than I love me, look how much shit I have to deal with … only because I made some serious sacrifices, and excuses for this person.

I am the fool who loved someone else more than I loved my own self and as a result … I am paying for it greatly right now.

But this is still all a pointless waste of my time! And everyone else’s whom I might bother with the banter and conversation about this shit. So, what can I do?

I can think about what I CAN do for my future and to move on with the best outcome and the best results for this situation and these events. Nope, I sure as hell can’t change the past but I can make a difference on what happens today and tomorrow.

So that is what I am doing. Stop with the bullshit fuss about what I wish I would have or have not done a year ago and get on with the best course of action to make my present and my future more pleasant … and make this past situation, end peacefully.

Phew … glad I got that off my chest!! I needed to vent a little!!! Of course, this matter is personal and so I am vague about the what-have-you’s … but that’s my business. I only wanted to reflect here on the pointlessness of fussing over things that have already happened. Put energy into today and tomorrow and you’ll be much better off!!!

Oh, and NEVER love someone else MORE than you love yourself. Period. Ever. Never do that. Because no one will ever love you or have your back as much as you do. People are NOT selfless like that. I learn the hard way when I act selfless towards someone (Someone in particular) That ‘sacrifice’ , whether they say it or not, would most likely never be returned. People are too selfish to put you before them. It makes me sad to think about this reality because it is honestly not how I am. I never feel good when I am acting selfish, so it is hard for me to wrap my head around this ‘loving yourself more’ but it is a powerful truth and wisdom.

I think I need to find a good balance between the two … being selfless still towards others, but still loving myself enough, if not a little more … plenty, or just right! 🙂

I hope you have a great day Tryst Family!! XO – Jen

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  ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

 

Moving through the Night

I have been blessed with a wonderful soul. Alastair and I have been exchanging words for a few months now, and I have truly enjoyed getting to know this beautiful person. My warm-hearted friend and I have written a duet, it is his first poetic duet and I am honored to have shared this experience with him. Take some time to visit him as well by following this link to ALASTAIRS BLOG!!
 
A Poetic Duet
 
Written by Alastair and Think Speak Tryst
 
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‘Moving through the Night’
 
I fear as the storm approaches
and night-time falls
I hear your voice from afar,
as to me it calls
 
Through the mist and the fog
I can see the light.
I envision your face, your help,
your warrior’s might
 
The more I approach you
The more I see
The more your hand stretches
Reaching out for me.
 
Remembering the moment
The very first time we spoke
Delicate you
Falling before me
 
In the night air
Down on bruised knees
I can see you
Beginning to bleed
 
I look in your face
Your eyes full of tears
I take your hand
Try to ease your fears
 
Come sit beside me
Under the stars in the sky
You have run far too long
And for many reasons why
 
Let go of the years
Let go of the pain
I will be with you
Tonight in the rain
 
As I give you these words
My promise to you
Darling sweet friend
May your strength pull you through
 
In the chaos of the storm
There is a sudden, soft break
Be calm, precious you
You are not your mistakes
 
Through the mist and the fog
Let us both find our light
Leaving the past far behind
As we travel through the night.
 
Written by Alastair & Jen
 
 
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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Verse

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Verse
 
 
Inside of my words
 My lyrics tell of many things
 It’s a lesson that I’m preaching
 To myself that I am teaching
The verse of wisdom
Inside of my words
 
Inside of my words
There are many emotions
Countless times in my healing
Pain and joy in my feelings
My heart tells of many things
Inside of my words
 
 
Inside of my words
A million souls are marching
Proving that I’m strong
Somewhere my heart belongs
My soul stands proud to tell my glory
Inside of my words
 
Inside of my words
I hold the power of one
To my own self I save
I have been nothing but brave
My strength built up with time
Inside of my words
 
Inside of my words
I am connected to the world
Changing elements with eternal strength
Something unravels underneath
The light that shines inside of me
Inside of my words
 
Inside of my words
I am ice melting in the sun
Embracing the beauty in every day
Grateful for tomorrow I continue to pray
Forever learning as I go, listen to me
Inside of my words
 
Inside of my words
I only need this air
Taking with me my personal victories
Celebrating for all of my memories
I am a miracle upon this earth
In everything I say
Inside of my words
 
~J Lefever~
(05/02/13)
 
 
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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 
 
 
 

Daily Reflection on Tryst (04/30/13)

Daily Reflection (04/30/13)

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You & Your Negativity

 

Hello Tryst Family!! How does the day find you? Wonderful & warm in the sunshine.. I hope!! Things have been very productive for me lately. It is only Tuesday and I am getting so much done this week! I love that feeling of great accomplishment when you know that you, and only you, are responsible for the great things that are happening in your life. It’s a good feeling for sure!!

 

As for the other side of things, well, the trial that is coming up for the person who took my brother from me has been pushed back another few months. There was actually a court appearance last week, but my mother didn’t feel it was important enough to call and tell me. Instead she took her daughter-in-law and her friends to this hearing, while I, her actual daughter and sister to the victim, sat at home, unaware that this event took place. My mother is really good at making me feel like I am not a part of this family. So, as the story continues to go, I have to figure out what is the best for me in my life. I am just too important to myself to not have my best interests at heart.

 

While the tears do fall for the unknown reasons why my mother shuts me out, there are parts of me that feel like I’ll never be enough. I have written on this before. But then I think about my life… my actual life… all the things I’ve done and all the things I am doing… and I realize that it is truly my mothers loss. She is missing out on a fun person in her life, because I am full of that stuff I call soulshine! I am also the spark of positivity that floats around my family… even after all the blah and tragedy. I still try to stay up-beat.

 

Someone said to me, “Your mother should be proud of you for the incredible changes you have made! Your life is completely different!” Maybe this is true… but I can’t force my mother to think things. I am just not that powerful. She thinks what she wants and honestly… she is the most negative piece in my life. I do not have that angry, negative and mean energy from anyone else. As a result, as sad as this makes me, I have to eliminate the negative piece from my life. I just don’t want anything to do with it.

 

Not to mention this gloomy, down in the dumps shit, she throws my past in my face every time I see her! And frankly, I do not live in my past anymore. Not any part of my yesterday is currently my today. I don’t need to defend myself either. I have my integrity at the end of the day, and with each rising sun, I know that I don’t deserve to be put through the emotional roller-coaster she sends me on every other month.

 

I don’t deserve it. I am better than that.

 

My reflection today is on negativity. When you are a negative person, everything in your life sucks. You are blinded from anything good, even when it is staring you in the face! You wake up angry or mad, and everything is just terrible. You certainly don’t like to see people happy and enjoying their lives because there you are, in your rain puddle, complaining about your life and everyone else. Of course, the negative people never hold themselves accountable for why they are always in a crummy mood. It is always someone elses fault. What someone else did or didn’t do. When really, they clearly don’t see that to the rest of the world, they aren’t fooling anyone but themselves. To the rest of the world, we can see that they project their crummy negativity on to others, especially their family and loved ones, when they really need to look in the mirror and realize that they are negative and crummy and it is all their fault. It is not the world around them.

 

It is obvious that a person is negative when they literally ‘fish’ for things to complain about when they should be practicing gratitude for the things they do have. What makes me even more sad and ashamed of people who act like this is when these people ‘preach’ about the exact things they are NOT doing… like being kind, compassionate, supportive, and forgiving… just to name a few… and yes, this directly relates to my situation.

 

(Shaking my head)

 

Life is too short to waste living like this. And if you find yourself alone, you might ask yourself why… if it really is everyone else that is the problem, then why is it YOU are the ONE ALONE? Maybe it’s time to start practicing what you preach, instead of being negative and crummy and pointing a finger.

 

I hope to spread positive things and messages in my life. I don’t walk with the negative because, truthfully, I can’t stand it. And while it makes me sad to have to realize that even my mother is one of those terribly negative elements in my life, I choose to eliminate it because I refuse to put up with the put downs. I just won’t do it anymore.

 

Have a great day Tryst Fam!! If you encounter a negative person… run the other direction!! XOXO

 

~ Jen

 

Tryst Thought : As people, we suffer from addictions. Some are addicted to booze, others pills… some are addicted to sex, or shopping or gambling… but then there are some who are addicted to drama and pain. I believe that there are some people who just do not know how to live happy and enjoy their time. Instead, they spend their whole lives being miserable and making those who they are around miserable too.

 

I am so grateful that I have a heart and soul that is not hooked on drama and pain…

 

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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 

ღDaily Reflection on Trystღ (04/25/13)

Daily Reflection (04/25/13)

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So Damn Disappointed!!

 

 “If you don’t like something, change it.
If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.”

Mary Englebreit

 

There are so many things going on in my life right now. I am trying to balance everything, stay afloat, stay productive, and remain positive and healthy. These are all good things that we all need to maintain good/healthy lives. Well, things don’t always go as planned, or as expected. When we interact with other’s, or put expectations on others, whether or not those people follow through, can leave us satisfied, or diappointed.

That is why I preach and preach that it is so super important to always have your own back!! You can always count on yourself… yet… even we let ourselves down sometimes, right?

The feeling of being disappointed is not a good one. Depending on the situation, it can make us sad, frustrated, mad, or absolutely berserk or irate!! Last night, I felt some disappointment that make me berserk and irate!! And as I was sitting there, feeling all of these emotions that came in a terrential emotional mini-drama, sadness, rage, utterly hurt… I had to let myself feel these things and work my way through this shitty situation in a positive way with out causing more drama or havoc by making things worse by being just completely out of control.

So I did some thinking.

First, I let myself feel the disappointment. It’s ok to feel this. I checked in and acknowledged what I was feeling. It’s ok to feel this way. Just don’t dwell on it!! I told myself to go ahead and feel whatever I was feeling, but not get stuck on it… and then move on.

Then I focused on the big picture of the situation. Looking into the details of my ‘Shitty let down’. Perspective in really important… but this is where I tuned into some gratitude. What did I have, as opposed to the things I felt I missed? This is that positive thinking that can be tough at times, but no matter how let down you are, you need to remember that you still have things to be grateful for, and recognizing them will help pull your mind out of that dark place.

Next, I asked myself if there was anything I could change about the situation. Well, in most cases, when the damage is done, it is irreverseable… but there are still things you can do to move on, right? In my case, I couldn’t change what had happened. It was too late. It was already in the past. And we all know that we can’t change the past, we can’t go back there… so move the hell on!! I don’t live in the past. I live in the present. Is there anything I can do to prevent this from being a future disappointment, yes! There is.. now I am getting somewhere!!

Change the way you see things!! Like the quote above. It’s easy to wallow in self pity… but who wants to do that? I hate being in that place! No good comes of it! If you want to handle your disappointment in a positive way, change the way you think about it. Re-frame your mind on the whole situation… and figure out things you can do instead.

Hope. Believe that there is hope. Have some hope!! When facing disappointments, it’s so easy to be beaten down, to believe that situations are hopeless, and to give up the belief that things will eventually work out. No matter what you do, don’t let your let down bring you completely down. Keep reminding yourself to have hope and know that, despite the fresh pain of a new disappointment, you always have the ability to hope for good things coming your way in the future. Believe in yourself. Believe in hope.

I hope you all have a super great day Tryst Family!!

And remember, No matter you’re facing, no matter how hard it is, don’t forget that you are not alone.

Tryst Thought: Every day people face disappointments of all kinds — from a tiny missed opportunity to a life-altering letdown — and every day people overcome these difficulties and move forward with their lives. Initially it might seem difficult, but handling disappointments well is an essential part of living a positive life. If you want to live positively in the present moment, you must let go of life’s letdowns and focus on the good things in your life. Easy? Not always. Essential? Absolutely.

XoXo Jen

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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mountain of Too Much

((If you are offended by the “F” word… please do not read this piece… because I use the “F” word, only once, in this poem))
 
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Mountain of Too Much
 
Trickling down
The mountain of too much
Were pieces of me
Fallen into the river
Flowing down the
Sensitive stream
Losing my mind
To the chaos of the day
 
At the bottom
Staring up at my climb
I have a long way to go
On this mountain of too much
Facing fear
Confronting my pain
Fighting my past
Remaining sane
You find me
 
Making my way
Through the thickest part of the climb
I have tremendous victories
I save a real sense of pride
Here I go, reaching the next level
When suddenly I fall
I begin to unravel
Have I taken on
Something stronger than I
Am I a fool
For giving this a try
My soul can’t take this
On this mountain of too much
 
A view of the top
I’m beginning to see
The calm of the storm
Is becoming a reality
I have made it far
I have stood tall to my fears
I have handled my shit
For a handful of years
Yet something catches my eye
And I begin to lose my balance
Facing something new, how can I
Frustrated by time, I start to cry
I thought I was there
At the top of my destination
Now I’m falling down again
The enemy of my own creation
It was always me
I was fighting against
Climbing this mountain
Knuckles bleed on my fist
Will I ever climb to the top
Of my mountain of too much
Or is it just too overwhelming, so
I am royally fucked?
 
~J. Lefever~
(04/24/13)
 
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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 
 
 
 

The Train

This is a short, poetic story about life. A life in change. A life in a pivotal moment. Life is kind of like ridding on a train. As we move forward, the world & scenery will change around us, as we are always in possession of the same soul. Although our souls stay with us where ever we go, it too grows, and learns, and feels, and experiences… 
 
So as we continue to live, how much does the world change? How much do you grow as a result of these external changes? Where is your train headed now? And from what has your life moved on from…?
 
This piece is a duet written by my darling Shruti & myself, Miss Tryst. We hope you enjoy… and take something from it, as we did writing it. Visit A Shade Of Pen to see more from my darling Shruti. I am truly grateful that my life has connected with hers
 
This is a work of fiction

 
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The Train
 
Blinded by a blur
Of many shades of green
With my heart left open
Broken For all to see
Moving forward, not looking back
I am leaving the town
For my next chapter
I boarded the train
Leaving my tears on the street
Looking out beyond what my eyes can see
Something different, time to breathe
I have left happy times behind
I look back at those times
With longingness rooted in my eyes
I loved to be what I was
But, how long could I live in the past
So, bidding goodbye to all regrets
Here, I am walking ahead
I have hopes and yet I am scared
Will a new step take me to places I would love
Or will my soul remain locked in lanes of yesterday?
 
Crushed, like the
Velvet in the seats
I hold my regrets
This one last time
Perplexed by the reality
I am leaving behind
Forgiveness, oh, how I wish
Things could only be so easy
 
As the train pulls me forward
One by one, I release my memories
Looking out the window
I touch my finger tips to the cold glass window
With the blur of the world
Moving behind the palm of my hand
Back and forth in time I go
 
As the train lurches me forward
I try hopelessly to free myself from the shackles of yesterday
Tomorrow a new sun will rise
And with it, the endless nights would end
Unaware of what my future would be, I can’t help but smile
Because the thrill of a new ride
Was always enough to keep me alive
Finally, I have reached a new land
As I step down, I am amazed at the view
So many things are same… and yet they all feel so new
 
Looking ahead
Elements surrounding me
Laughing at my fear of yesterday
Embracing the fact that
I am here for a reason…
 
I am here for a reason…
Leaving you with things left, still
To the imagining mind.
 
Written by Shruti & Tryst
 
To see this piece on A Shade Of Pen, follow the link provided
 
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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication