Atmosphere

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With the wind

Whirling all around

I am reminded

How small I am

Just a tiny spec

On the surface of this world

Wondering around

Aimlessly

Searching for the same thing

As everyone else…

Breathing the atmosphere

The same air we all breathe

And with each tiny breath

I feel alive

Today, In a world

Where everything matters

Yet, nothing is as important

As

Being loved and happy

As we all walk around

Aimlessly

Like tiny specs

On the Surface

Of this world

***

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Tryst. 2016

The Silence of the Night

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In the Silence of the night… I see that storms don’t last forever ~
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The Silence of the night
Has me feeling free
Thinking of yesterday
And all the chaos you created
I wondered each & everyday
What parts I played in it all
Yet, once I removed you
The silence came…
The peace
The quiet
The stillness of happiness
The darkness was washed away
With the rain…
Suddenly you were gone
And all my suffering went with you
In the silence of the night
I saw my life
Alone
And it is beautiful
Anyone looking in…
Can see plain as day
The chaos was always you
And I get to walk away with my head held high
As I
Was just your excuse
So what is it now…
Because now we are apart
And my sky is full of light
And the darkness left with you
In the silence of the night
Im smiling in the quiet
Spaces I call home
And storms don’t last forever
I am happy alone

☆Tryst☆

Embracing The Day

Embracing The Day ~>
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The moments of my
Morning,
The beginning of my
Day…
Breathing in the
World,
Not a word
I need to say…
Blissfully taking in
The freshness all around
Sun peeking over
The sparkling dew
On the grass thats on the ground…
Thinking of my yesterday,
Of all that I’ve been through…
Wondering if you’re missing,
The things I miss of you…
The ups & downs we experience…
Constantly moving our hearts,
Are we still connected,
When we are miles apart…
The moments of my
Morning,
Remind me I am alive…
And all the things Im seeking,
Some things I left behind…
Even looking forward
Moving from day to day…
I will embrace this life
In every single way.

~ Think.Speak.Tryst.~

The Gift of Sight … & Other Mindless Ramblings

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The Gift of Sight … & Other Mindless Ramblings

Today I read a story …

I just read a blog post about a man who needs to get glasses for the first time in his life. I read it, it was a cute, little life story. Not HUGE, or pivotal in any way. Nor was it too sad or incredibly tragic. It was just, a simple event that has taken place in a mans life that is new and he will need to adjust to somewhat.

I posted in the comments about how it made me feel reading this. The writer probably could care less, but that’s ok. It’s interesting how writing a little piece about having to get glasses for the first time in life, when read by the many different souls & lives of others, and takes us all to such different places.

First it made me think how nice it would be to have ‘that’ to adjust to right now in life. I relate to this because I too have to go through this life adjustment, which is not a choice mf mine, it is a forced change. Some change is fun because we may choose the new thing in life. But then there are the other changes, the adjustments that we get, from life, in life and by life, that we have not chosen at all.

Mine is having to adjust to my brother being gone. See, my best friend, forever life companion since age 3 when he was born, my brother, my family, my only sibling, my blood, the ‘guy’ version of me was killed a year and a half ago. I am not adjusted … yet … don’t know if I ever will be. It’s the most confusing pain I have ever felt. And the life adjustment to not having a brother after having one my whole life, it is all I know, sucks. It’s so painful there are no words to describe.

I commented how nice it would be if I could ‘trade life lists’ with someone. I can’t say who cause I would NOT wish what I am feeling on anyone in the world … So really, I wouldn’t want to trade, but toss nice out and get someone elses, list, of things I have to adjust to cause life says so and I have no choice otherwise. Ah …

The other thing that this makes me think of is … because of my brother, who donated his ‘gifts’ when he was taken from us, someone who was blind can now see because he was given my brothers eyes.

I cried when I got the letter.

Somewhere in this world, someone is seeing through my little brothers eyes. It is a beautiful thing, a rare and precious gift to give and to be given, and It is also very sad and weird.

People get lost in their own lives so much that they are blind and ignorant to some of the people who may be ‘surviving’ right along with them.  I walk this world and I bump into people I know, and people forget that I have a hole in my heart, daily, that suffocates me. And people wonder what is wrong … Someone has my brothers eyes and someone else on this earth killed my brother and took him from me forever. My loss was someone else’s gain. For that I am grateful … but also sad for my loss … sad is an understatement … and I don’t care what people ‘think’ anymore.

I do hope that people appreciate their lives in simplicity.

Be grateful for having to adjust to wearing glasses.

Somewhere, someone just lost their eyes forever.

Somewhere, someone has to adjust to being blind, or cripple, or adjust to living their life suddenly without their dearly loved one.

This is NOT a message to anyone in particular either. I am only using the story I read, of the man who told about his life event of getting glasses, as the catalyst to what got me thinking of these other things. And how words are full of meaning … and so completely different depending on the person.

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January 2014

*Feeling very aware this evening.*

I have been so busy with work and life’s other things lately, that I have not written much on Tryst at all. I have not wanted to share too much these past 8 months. (Wow, that long) I am a free, light and loving soul who can’t just write and write about the one sadness that is plaguing me so terribly. Who cares about what I’m going through and I would not want to go back and read it again, so, yes … in my Tryst absence, I truly miss my care-free life I had when I still had my brother, but everything has changed. Everything has changed. I have changed. I am trying to get back to me … and people just do not understand … how hard it is … to wake up every day with this reality slapping you in the face and stabbing you in the heart.

Truth … it does feel good to write right now … regardless of how ridiculous or pointless or repetitive or redundant my words are … they are still mine and this is what I feel like saying right now.

***

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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Hollow

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Hollow

An empty space

Lingers in its silence

A dark corner haunts

Places I try to avoid

People’s faces

Are blank and cold

Everything I knew

Has left my reality

Leaving behind

My hollow soul

-J. Lefever

(12/11/13)

***

©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

The Blue Sky Above Me …

The Blue Sky Above Me …
Covered With My Thoughts
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I think about the sky
Enormous above me
I was it’s tiny spectacle
Looking up, in wonder
Like a child
Wondering how it is so big
And blue
As it covers me
Each day, through & through
I think about the clouds
That decorate my sky
Perfect and white and fluffy
Changing colors as the sun falls away
At the end of each day
Kissing the day goodbye
Leaving me
Wondering why
I think about the air
How the wind hugs my shoulders
It wraps itself around me
Reminding me
That I’m not alone
I am surrounded
By the elements
Of the world
I have known
I think about the summer
My favorite of all the seasons
When the heat of the day
Lasts all through the night
And I know that the stars
Shine bright after light
And I’m never cold
Even when I’m alone
Cause the summer is hot
When my soul is not
I smile at these thoughts
But then my smile fades away
When I think of the cold
The dead, grey winter months
That are headed my way
Cold to the bone
Chilling when I’m alone
Cause I’m alone all the time
In a city that’s not mine
A tear falls for the summer
It’s end came so quickly
I miss the hot days already
It will be months before I’m warm again
Hiding away, in the winter again
Counting the days of grey in the sky
Waiting for the world
To come back to life
~J. Lefever~
11/04/13
***
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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Verse 101

Verse 101

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Fallen down
On to hard, concrete ground
Fallen through my hands
I am lost, far from found
Off in the distance
Here comes the rain
Inside of my mind
I feel the pain
Fallen down
The walls around me
Fallen through the cracks
I have tried, so hard
Time and time again
Here comes the rain
Inside of my mind
I feel the  pain
~J. Lefever~
11/04/13
***
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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication