The Gift of Sight … & Other Mindless Ramblings
Today I read a story …
I just read a blog post about a man who needs to get glasses for the first time in his life. I read it, it was a cute, little life story. Not HUGE, or pivotal in any way. Nor was it too sad or incredibly tragic. It was just, a simple event that has taken place in a mans life that is new and he will need to adjust to somewhat.
I posted in the comments about how it made me feel reading this. The writer probably could care less, but that’s ok. It’s interesting how writing a little piece about having to get glasses for the first time in life, when read by the many different souls & lives of others, and takes us all to such different places.
First it made me think how nice it would be to have ‘that’ to adjust to right now in life. I relate to this because I too have to go through this life adjustment, which is not a choice mf mine, it is a forced change. Some change is fun because we may choose the new thing in life. But then there are the other changes, the adjustments that we get, from life, in life and by life, that we have not chosen at all.
Mine is having to adjust to my brother being gone. See, my best friend, forever life companion since age 3 when he was born, my brother, my family, my only sibling, my blood, the ‘guy’ version of me was killed a year and a half ago. I am not adjusted … yet … don’t know if I ever will be. It’s the most confusing pain I have ever felt. And the life adjustment to not having a brother after having one my whole life, it is all I know, sucks. It’s so painful there are no words to describe.
I commented how nice it would be if I could ‘trade life lists’ with someone. I can’t say who cause I would NOT wish what I am feeling on anyone in the world … So really, I wouldn’t want to trade, but toss nice out and get someone elses, list, of things I have to adjust to cause life says so and I have no choice otherwise. Ah …
The other thing that this makes me think of is … because of my brother, who donated his ‘gifts’ when he was taken from us, someone who was blind can now see because he was given my brothers eyes.
I cried when I got the letter.
Somewhere in this world, someone is seeing through my little brothers eyes. It is a beautiful thing, a rare and precious gift to give and to be given, and It is also very sad and weird.
People get lost in their own lives so much that they are blind and ignorant to some of the people who may be ‘surviving’ right along with them. I walk this world and I bump into people I know, and people forget that I have a hole in my heart, daily, that suffocates me. And people wonder what is wrong … Someone has my brothers eyes and someone else on this earth killed my brother and took him from me forever. My loss was someone else’s gain. For that I am grateful … but also sad for my loss … sad is an understatement … and I don’t care what people ‘think’ anymore.
I do hope that people appreciate their lives in simplicity.
Be grateful for having to adjust to wearing glasses.
Somewhere, someone just lost their eyes forever.
Somewhere, someone has to adjust to being blind, or cripple, or adjust to living their life suddenly without their dearly loved one.
This is NOT a message to anyone in particular either. I am only using the story I read, of the man who told about his life event of getting glasses, as the catalyst to what got me thinking of these other things. And how words are full of meaning … and so completely different depending on the person.
*Feeling very aware this evening.*
I have been so busy with work and life’s other things lately, that I have not written much on Tryst at all. I have not wanted to share too much these past 8 months. (Wow, that long) I am a free, light and loving soul who can’t just write and write about the one sadness that is plaguing me so terribly. Who cares about what I’m going through and I would not want to go back and read it again, so, yes … in my Tryst absence, I truly miss my care-free life I had when I still had my brother, but everything has changed. Everything has changed. I have changed. I am trying to get back to me … and people just do not understand … how hard it is … to wake up every day with this reality slapping you in the face and stabbing you in the heart.
Truth … it does feel good to write right now … regardless of how ridiculous or pointless or repetitive or redundant my words are … they are still mine and this is what I feel like saying right now.