Is The Juice Worth The Squeeze? ~Tryst Insider


Is The Juice Worth The Squeeze? ~ Tryst Insider

I rolled out of bed this morning to get ready for my day. After a quick, hot shower I got dressed and dried my hair. Mascara and a little bronzer is all I apply to my face, I have never worn make-up really, and I threw a clip in my hair and was out the door. Headed to the Argosy Casino for my Noni’s 86th birthday brunch & gambling with my family!

On the way there, driving, I was deep in thought. (I do a lot of deep thinking when I’m alone in my car. I find it is a good place to think. When I’m alone, with no other influences, no distractions to divert my natural intuition… )

When faced with the decisions we make in life, we don’t always know in the beginning of things, if the conclusion is going to be a good one. Happy endings are not always predictable. Unfortunately, we don’t always know if things are going to be good for us, if things are going to be worth it, and especially when dealing with people, we certainly don’t know how things will turn out. We go into most relationships with blinders on. Most times, we are blinded by the delusional happiness of our hearts, telling us, “This is going to be so wonderful!” And things like, “I am so happy right now, there is no way that this happiness is going to change!” Then, sadly, we are bitch-slapped with the cold-harsh realities of ugly human nature and the good-hearted people are left dumb-founded by the truth that we were mistakenly wrong about the person, or situation, and our strength Is then tested by the ways we deal with ‘saving’ ourselves and getting our emotional safety back and loving ourselves.

I remind myself that I love myself. In these current moments, I love myself more than anything. I gotta come first. And no matter what, I know my future looks great because I have some wonderful blessings in my life that I will take advantage of. I have virtues inside of my soul that I will use. I will move forward and be fine, no matter what anyone says, because I just know I will. When I think of the things that have yet to come for me, I can’t help but to know that I am one of the good ones. I am one of the survivors. I have never quit. I have never given up. I have never not learned and grown stronger from the hard situations in my life. And for ALL of the situations I found myself in, that I may have been lead to blinded by the big feelings I have in my heart, that did not end the way I had first imagined, to those people who came at me displaying all the ways in which they are broken inside, and the ones who were rotten, mean and cruel, maybe either pointing fingers, placing some blame, using for material things, whatever the situational crap may be… in the end, I ask myself…

Was the juice worth the squeeze?

And inside my beating heart & soul, I ALWAYS know the answer to that question!!

~ J. Lefever

Tryst Thought ~ No matter how this sounds, to anyone, I don’t care… I have love for many people in this world & in my life, but… I love me more. I must have my back, no matter what. No matter what.

Take care of you!! XoXo

(Ya feel me Angie?)

 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Evening Reflection on Trystღ (04/05/13)

Evening Reflection (04/05/13)


Mind Walks

Happy evening to you. I hope the night finds you all well. I have had a day, quite busy, in my mind. When I spend a lot of time thinking, I call them mind walks. You know, we go outside and take walks… So, when I think a lot, I relate it to my mind walking around in the space of thought, philosophy, life… what makes us us. We are all so different, beautiful and unique. I am such a people person. I’ve always found the mind and soul such interesting gifts we are all given…

Tonight, I’ve been thinking of the scars we have. Not physical scars, like those from injury or accidents. But the scars we get deep down inside.

Life takes us places, shows us things, and gives us moments that leave ever lasting impressions. Impressions, scars, memories, nightmares, even traumatic events unfortunately take place and no matter what we do, or how old we get, or how much time goes by, or any & all the things we do to heal, forgive and/or forget… we still carry the scars on our hearts & souls.

These scars have an impact on the way we handle things in our future. We may have trust issues, or we may develop fear in certain situations because of past events. Our past is what we compare our present and future experiences with, because it is what we have literally already lived through.

I have some scars on my heart. Quite a few, to be truthful. I was wondering, the other day, if even though I am aware of these scars, and even though I have worked through so much, and even though I am in such a good place with myself… I wonder if I still suffer from these scars?

I can’t tell anyone how to heal. We all heal differently. Through my experiences, I can talk about how I got through them and relate to others in similar aspects, but I understand that we all need different things. I don’t think that one person has all the right answers for everyone. (This is why I have a hard time with psychologists who tell people how to heal. Unless the actual person giving the advice has been through it, how can they possibly know how it feels and how to possibly alleviate the suffering?)

My reflection is this: Scars on the heart and soul are deep and real. If we have them, it is important to recognize them and try to nurture them the best way you can for yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you that your pain is not real, or valid. No one gets to tell you how you feel!!

I hope you all have a great night Tryst Fam.

XoXo ~ Jen

©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Evening Reflection on Trystღ (02/05/13)

Evening Reflection (02/05/13)

 Beautiful Spirit


As the sun falls and touches the horizon, I see the most beautiful colors in the sky. Soft pastel colors of pink and orange are painted across the sky and they fade up into a dark blue. It is known that the Mid-West has some of the most beautiful sunsets. I say this loosely because I have seen sunsets in the mountains, and over the ocean on beaches that are much prettier than this. I know there are more breath-taking places that my eyes have not seen, yet, but I will and they are out there. This world is so big, and it just amazes me with its beauty! I have always been in awe of the elements of this world! I am truly grateful for this universe and all its wonderous things. But I do not live in a far off exotic, breathtakingly beautiful place, I can only imagine… I live here, in this city, and to appreciate something that I can see, it’s our Mid-Western sunsets.

So as the sun falls, and the moon illuminates our city with its silver glow, I take a minute to look up to the sky. I can see the big dipper, clear as day, which is so amazing because 1200 miles from here, is the condo I lived in Salt Lake City. I could step out on my back porch there and look up and see the big dipper, clear as day, actually bigger and clearer due to the elevation, but up in the sky, just the same as here, yet these two places are 1200 miles away. To me, that is truly amazing! Tonight, I’m thinking about how important it is to give your spirit affirmations.

Affirmations come easier the more you exercise them. Affirmations are a little thing to tell yourself that are kind & loving. In recovery, we are told to do this first thing in the morning, and at night before bed. It’s a nice way to internally love yourself and tell your spirit that it is good and wonderful. Affirmations beat out that internal critic’s voice I’ve written about before. The internal critic can be loud at times, so give yourself an affirmation instead of being critical.

I am thoughtful of others.

That is mine tonight. I say this to myself because I take the time to listen when others speak to me. I’ve had a couple of friends reach out to talk today, and I was thoughtful of them by listening. What can you affirm to yourself tonight? Tell your spirit something good…

We are all in possession of beautiful spirits.

Our spirits need to hear that every once & a while! It needs to hear that it is beautiful!

By hearing these affirmations often, it’s easier to become them more & more…

Tell your beautiful spirit how beautiful it is!!

 Have a good evening Tryst Friends!! ~ Jen

Heartless Hole

Heartless Hole
Will it survive, if you bruise
Your soul slowly each day?
Waking each morning
With nothing loving to say,
About yourself, about this world
About your spirit, it’s all unheard.
I have told myself for
So long now,
I don’t deserve…
Love somehow,
But the love I have sought
Out to find
Not inside, but in others
I’m so blind.
Seeking love of self, within,
Leaves me spiritually
High to begin
And from there I can
Love all elements around my
To love my self is my emptiness
Heartless hole I have yet to fill
Heartless hole it hurts me still.
Starting with me, love
My spirit
Yet, heartless hole
I still fear it
~~ J Lefever ~~
©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Daily Reflection on Tryst (02/02/13)



Daily Reflection on Tryst (02/02/13)

 Great Expectations


Good Morning Tryst World!! I hope everyone is having a wonderful start to your weekends!! It’s still morning time here in the city and I’ve had a productive morning!! I can sense that I’m going to have a lot of energy this weekend, so I’m organizing my time in order to get everything I want and need to get done! The first thing on my daily ‘to-do’ list, is, of course, greeting all of you with my reflective words of the day. CHECK!

 Great expectations, just happens to be in my top three favorite books of all time. Charles Dickens is an amazing writer, and this is on e of the best love stories of all time, among many other things! Yes, I love this book, but I am not reflecting on Dickens’ novel or doing a book review here. Nope. I am talking about the expectations we have… the expectations we put on others… what happens when we expect things… what about when those expectations don’t get met…?

 Yesterday, I was talking to a friend of mine, who called me up for some friendly nourishment. This guy is such a wonderful guy, good spirit and all, and he’s going through a hard time right now. Not to air dirty laundry, that’s all I will say… but in the midst of our conversation he said, ‘So, I expected to have that when I was done…’. After hearing his expectation, my immediate rebuttal was this:

 When we put expectations on anyone or anything, and they don’t get met, what happens? We are immediately disappointed! And disappointment really sucks! You say, ‘Awe man!’, you’re down in the dumps, maybe you cry a little, whatever your reaction to an un-met expectation is, disappointment is its catalyst!!

 It’s Saturday Tryst Family… let’s see where the day takes us! Today, let’s not put any big expectations out there! Let’s not put all of our wants/needs on the shoulders of others, making them responsible for bringing us disappointment if our expectations were not met!!

 Great Expectations is a great novel by Charles Dickens! Great Expectations we create in our lives, may lead to Great Disappointments!!


Expect not today, and you won’t suffer from being let down!

 Have a beautiful day! ~ Jen


I’m Never Alone, I’m Alone All the Time


There are moments when the last thing I need is to be alone.  Sometimes when I get lost in my head, it is a very dangerous place to be.  My mind can wonder, it can worry and it can talk me into thinking that things are much worse than they really are.  Sometimes I need to humble myself and realize that even though I think I have all the answers, I don’t, and it’s not in my best interest to be alone with my thoughts. 

On the flip side, being alone allows me to look at every aspect of what I’m going through and internalize it to best fit my mental, emotional, spiritual and/or physical needs.  When I am faced with tough things in life, whether it’s self-induced, something traumatic or tragic that is out of my control or smaller difficulties that have an emotional connection or not, I need moments to myself where I can really just sit and think about how I am affected by the situation and the best way to get through it.  Because honestly, as selfish as this sounds, the most important person in my life, is me.  I will always have me, I can always count on me and I can’t go anywhere where I escape me.  No matter what, I will always be there.

It takes confidence, some internal stability and independence to be OK with being alone.  I have always enjoyed my alone time, and not just to get through tough moments, but to also be still, to relax and unwind.  It’s nice to go home to a quiet house sometimes.  It’s nice to run errands alone or exercise by my self.  I get all that good thinking done.  I also think that spending time with just myself, allows me to continue to get to know myself, thus continuing to build the most important relationship I will ever be in. 

There is a famous saying, “You cannot love another, unless you love yourself first,” I believe this to be so true and one of the pieces of wisdom’s that I was told at a very young age, yet, took years to understand fully, and even further, to practice and live by this knowledge and very wise piece of advice.  I cannot remember who the first person was that told me this, but if I knew, I would definitely find a way to thank them.  I will be passing this wisdom on, and I have, to those who are in need of hearing it.  Now, just because I was told this little bit of knowledge, and had the words running through my mind, that was all it was at first, words.  The knowledge of this wisdom came many years later, many years, after I had served more time in my life, learning to love myself after I have fallen, screwed up and done things that I regret.  Self forgiveness, or forgiving another, is one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do, and to do honestly.  Just because I say I forgive, doesn’t mean that I actually do.   Forgiveness is within, it is for my own soul first, not just for the one who is being forgiven.  And when a person needs to forgive themself, whether they say it or not, they truly know within if they mean it. 

I’m never alone, but I’m alone all the time.  I say this because even in the busyness of my day, each week, all month-long, with my job responsibilities and other appointments or obligations and dinners and events in the city, no matter where I am, I can be surrounded by people and still experience moments where I’m alone.  I say this because even though I have people in my life, the ones who are in my spirit and soul are only one or two… and for me, that is perfect.  I am not often completely alone, but when I am, I grately appreciate those moments.  And even when I am with others, either family or out in public, I’m still just surrounded with the physical beings of others, but my spirit, is alone…

  …and the time you have is precious, it is priceless… you can’t ever get time back. Like this moment, you will never get this moment ever again.  So why chose to live anyother way, than the best & most happiest ways you can?  Why waste even a single minute when you only live once?

It took all of my twenties before I felt this comfortable in my own skin, and wearing my own shoes!  Today, I wouldn’t change places with anyone!  I see things today that I have never seen before.  My past, all of my mistakes, and all of my success, has given me this wonderful collective wisdom, intuition and insight, experience with my age and knowledge that I have been taught by the most important person, me!  And the best part, no one can tell me otherwise.  I’m OK when I’m alone.  In fact, I really like it.  The title of this post is in face a lyric in a song.  In the late 90’s, grunge rock was very popular, and I was a huge fan of the band, Bush.  I still have a girlie crush on the lead singer, Gavin Rossdale.  The song was ‘Glycerine’, on the Bush album, ’16 Stone’.  I have remembered the words to that song all of these years, and when I read today’s ‘Daily Prompt’, I knew exactly what I would write about!!  That’s all for now…

~ Jen