Daily Reflection on Tryst – Letting Go of Yesterday

Daily Reflection on Tryst

October 22, 2013

Letting Go of Yesterday …

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Today my thought is simple. I want to remind myself and others while I’m at it, that there is no point in fussing over the past. The past is over and there is nothing you can do about it. How much time have you wasted into fussing over this and that about your yesterday?

Of course I am mainly pointing this advice towards myself today … I have a current situation that has me … quite pissed actually, pissed about some things that happened about a year ago. About a year ago!?!?! How stupid is this then? There is nothing I can do to change these events, there is no amount of time I can spend trying to explain them, or justify them, or rationalize them in any way. The time has passed. The events took place. And I have since moved on from all of it.

These events have consequences though. Those consequences are what I am currently dealing with and thus explain my pissy, fussy, bitter attitude and my sense of regret.

I am reminded on a daily basis right now about my foolishness a year ago … the fact that I listened to my heart instead of my head a year ago … the fact that I majorly sacrificed my safely and well-being for the sake of another a year ago … the face that my life and my parent’s life will be highly affected if this ends badly because of this other person and my inability to remove myself from the situation a year ago … I a reminded on a daily basis that it get me nowhere, ever, loving another person MORE than I love myself!!! If I love another more than I love me, look how much shit I have to deal with … only because I made some serious sacrifices, and excuses for this person.

I am the fool who loved someone else more than I loved my own self and as a result … I am paying for it greatly right now.

But this is still all a pointless waste of my time! And everyone else’s whom I might bother with the banter and conversation about this shit. So, what can I do?

I can think about what I CAN do for my future and to move on with the best outcome and the best results for this situation and these events. Nope, I sure as hell can’t change the past but I can make a difference on what happens today and tomorrow.

So that is what I am doing. Stop with the bullshit fuss about what I wish I would have or have not done a year ago and get on with the best course of action to make my present and my future more pleasant … and make this past situation, end peacefully.

Phew … glad I got that off my chest!! I needed to vent a little!!! Of course, this matter is personal and so I am vague about the what-have-you’s … but that’s my business. I only wanted to reflect here on the pointlessness of fussing over things that have already happened. Put energy into today and tomorrow and you’ll be much better off!!!

Oh, and NEVER love someone else MORE than you love yourself. Period. Ever. Never do that. Because no one will ever love you or have your back as much as you do. People are NOT selfless like that. I learn the hard way when I act selfless towards someone (Someone in particular) That ‘sacrifice’ , whether they say it or not, would most likely never be returned. People are too selfish to put you before them. It makes me sad to think about this reality because it is honestly not how I am. I never feel good when I am acting selfish, so it is hard for me to wrap my head around this ‘loving yourself more’ but it is a powerful truth and wisdom.

I think I need to find a good balance between the two … being selfless still towards others, but still loving myself enough, if not a little more … plenty, or just right! 🙂

I hope you have a great day Tryst Family!! XO – Jen

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Daily Reflection on Tryst (05/08/13)

 

Daily Reflection (05/08/13)

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Emotional Neroticism

 

Life has brought us to the middle of the week again… and I am praying for Friday! Although I am having a decent week, within myself, that doesn’t mean the outside world and influences have been in sync with my joyful-happiness… yes… I said joyful-happiness because that’s my shit this week! I pretty much refuse to roll any other way.

 

Ah, so… Emotional Neroticism. This is something that plagues a lot of people who are going through the stages of grief. It can also plague those who suffer in any other way. From what, specifically? You name it! Emotions don’t discriminate! Being neurotic, you are kind of all over the place, a little self-centered in your own emotional issues, over-anxious and have a severe case of anxiety, hence, neroticism. Add ‘Emotional’ to the beginning of that, and you are a walking basket-case.

 

Ok. Listen. I am defining this term, because I kind of relate to it… maybe, kinda-sorta, a little bit.. HUH? What? Yea, so I own up to it. But what do I expect. This last year has been one hell of a bad year, and instead of moving forward with me, I have a family that is stuck on drama, trying’ to drag me down. It is stressful, hard to handle and a lot for one single girl in recovery.

 

With my attitude being on the high this week, meaning good, not under the influence… (very important NOT to confuse what I’m saying!!) I am paying ZERO attention to this ‘Emotional-baggage’ that any one who is close to me, feels like dumping on my lap or in my yard.

 

Um, that’s pretty much it.

 

If you want to run an emotional train on someone, don’t call me this week!!

 

I am taking time for myself, time away from the extra crap, and centering my chi … as much as my chi needs!!

 

I hope you all had a great day ~ Of course, I wish you all nothing but the very best!!

 

XOXO ~ Jen

 

Tryst Thought : There really never has been a time in my life where I’ve ever been boring, or dull… or ordinary, for that matter… I wonder, will there ever be a time when things start to settle down a little?

 

I am embracing change BIG time right now… And I feel one coming… I am ready for the next step…

 

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Is The Juice Worth The Squeeze? ~Tryst Insider

 

Is The Juice Worth The Squeeze? ~ Tryst Insider

I rolled out of bed this morning to get ready for my day. After a quick, hot shower I got dressed and dried my hair. Mascara and a little bronzer is all I apply to my face, I have never worn make-up really, and I threw a clip in my hair and was out the door. Headed to the Argosy Casino for my Noni’s 86th birthday brunch & gambling with my family!

On the way there, driving, I was deep in thought. (I do a lot of deep thinking when I’m alone in my car. I find it is a good place to think. When I’m alone, with no other influences, no distractions to divert my natural intuition… )

When faced with the decisions we make in life, we don’t always know in the beginning of things, if the conclusion is going to be a good one. Happy endings are not always predictable. Unfortunately, we don’t always know if things are going to be good for us, if things are going to be worth it, and especially when dealing with people, we certainly don’t know how things will turn out. We go into most relationships with blinders on. Most times, we are blinded by the delusional happiness of our hearts, telling us, “This is going to be so wonderful!” And things like, “I am so happy right now, there is no way that this happiness is going to change!” Then, sadly, we are bitch-slapped with the cold-harsh realities of ugly human nature and the good-hearted people are left dumb-founded by the truth that we were mistakenly wrong about the person, or situation, and our strength Is then tested by the ways we deal with ‘saving’ ourselves and getting our emotional safety back and loving ourselves.

I remind myself that I love myself. In these current moments, I love myself more than anything. I gotta come first. And no matter what, I know my future looks great because I have some wonderful blessings in my life that I will take advantage of. I have virtues inside of my soul that I will use. I will move forward and be fine, no matter what anyone says, because I just know I will. When I think of the things that have yet to come for me, I can’t help but to know that I am one of the good ones. I am one of the survivors. I have never quit. I have never given up. I have never not learned and grown stronger from the hard situations in my life. And for ALL of the situations I found myself in, that I may have been lead to blinded by the big feelings I have in my heart, that did not end the way I had first imagined, to those people who came at me displaying all the ways in which they are broken inside, and the ones who were rotten, mean and cruel, maybe either pointing fingers, placing some blame, using for material things, whatever the situational crap may be… in the end, I ask myself…

Was the juice worth the squeeze?

And inside my beating heart & soul, I ALWAYS know the answer to that question!!

~ J. Lefever

Tryst Thought ~ No matter how this sounds, to anyone, I don’t care… I have love for many people in this world & in my life, but… I love me more. I must have my back, no matter what. No matter what.

Take care of you!! XoXo

(Ya feel me Angie?)

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Daily Reflection on Trystღ (02/22/13)

Daily Reflection (02/22/13)

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The Road to Respect, Just a Little Bit…

 Afternoon Tryst!!! How does the day find you? All good, I hope!! The city is madness!! We are shoveling out our lives from underneath two feel of packed snow!! My husband and I didn’t leave the house yesterday, like many others, who made the choice to not even chance wrecking out cars. So, venturing out today was quite the hassle!!

My husband drives a truck for work, so we left his car in our garage. I have a 4 door, front wheel drive, that gets around quite well in the snow. However, due to the massive amount of snow that KC is covered in, thank you snowpalooza, even it got stuck, trying to get out of the neighborhood and had to be pushed and shoveled out!! Yes, it’s been quite the scene in the city today!! There are cars that are packed and covered in snow, left abandon on the highway shoulders. I haven’t seen snow like this in this city for many many years… not since I was a kid!! Work is slow, I’m sure most businesses are. Jake, my husband, went by my favorite bakery this afternoon to get me some cup cakes, and they were closed!! Bummer!! Cup cakes from Sugar Mama’s bakery are the absolute best!! No cup cakes for me today… (insert sad face)

I was talking with a blogging friend today, and the subject of respect came up. We were talking about humility and strength, referencing addictions, and I made a good point about respect. I thought it was worthy of sharing and making my Tryst reflection today.

When a person truly respects themselves, others will respect them too.

This is so true. Think about it… Makes sense, doesn’t it? How many of us have had a situation in our lives, or gone through a phase, or even just gone out and done something that showed little, or zero, respect for ourselves? Yes, we are all guilty of making mistakes and doing stupid things. It’s ok, you don’t need to admit it, I already know… wink 🙂 (Please don’t feel bad.. this includes me too!! And I am completely aware of this reality!!)

My point is this: you ever hear phrases like, ‘You are what you eat?’ or ‘If you talk the talk, you better walk the walk!!’

These are true and valid pieces of advice!! Apply this to showing yourself respect. Am I what I eat? Well, when I show myself respect by doing the things I say that I’m going to do, or standing firm in my ideas and values and not changing them to fit the different social molds depending on where I am, or by setting boundaries for myself and sticking with them, these are all ways to give yourself respect. When you are walking this walk, others will too. You are leading the way, showing pride and self-respect, and others will too.

If you do the opposite of this, people won’t respect you. How do you expect to have the respect of others, if you yourself don’t even respect you?

Something to think about today…

Do I really have respect for myself?

If I want others to respect me, then I must respect myself first!!

Have some respect baby!! And, Have a super great rest of your day Tryst!! ~ Jen

Tryst Thought: Don’t expect others to give you things that you don’t give yourself first.

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