Daily Reflection on Tryst – Letting Go of Yesterday

Daily Reflection on Tryst

October 22, 2013

Letting Go of Yesterday …

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Today my thought is simple. I want to remind myself and others while I’m at it, that there is no point in fussing over the past. The past is over and there is nothing you can do about it. How much time have you wasted into fussing over this and that about your yesterday?

Of course I am mainly pointing this advice towards myself today … I have a current situation that has me … quite pissed actually, pissed about some things that happened about a year ago. About a year ago!?!?! How stupid is this then? There is nothing I can do to change these events, there is no amount of time I can spend trying to explain them, or justify them, or rationalize them in any way. The time has passed. The events took place. And I have since moved on from all of it.

These events have consequences though. Those consequences are what I am currently dealing with and thus explain my pissy, fussy, bitter attitude and my sense of regret.

I am reminded on a daily basis right now about my foolishness a year ago … the fact that I listened to my heart instead of my head a year ago … the fact that I majorly sacrificed my safely and well-being for the sake of another a year ago … the face that my life and my parent’s life will be highly affected if this ends badly because of this other person and my inability to remove myself from the situation a year ago … I a reminded on a daily basis that it get me nowhere, ever, loving another person MORE than I love myself!!! If I love another more than I love me, look how much shit I have to deal with … only because I made some serious sacrifices, and excuses for this person.

I am the fool who loved someone else more than I loved my own self and as a result … I am paying for it greatly right now.

But this is still all a pointless waste of my time! And everyone else’s whom I might bother with the banter and conversation about this shit. So, what can I do?

I can think about what I CAN do for my future and to move on with the best outcome and the best results for this situation and these events. Nope, I sure as hell can’t change the past but I can make a difference on what happens today and tomorrow.

So that is what I am doing. Stop with the bullshit fuss about what I wish I would have or have not done a year ago and get on with the best course of action to make my present and my future more pleasant … and make this past situation, end peacefully.

Phew … glad I got that off my chest!! I needed to vent a little!!! Of course, this matter is personal and so I am vague about the what-have-you’s … but that’s my business. I only wanted to reflect here on the pointlessness of fussing over things that have already happened. Put energy into today and tomorrow and you’ll be much better off!!!

Oh, and NEVER love someone else MORE than you love yourself. Period. Ever. Never do that. Because no one will ever love you or have your back as much as you do. People are NOT selfless like that. I learn the hard way when I act selfless towards someone (Someone in particular) That ‘sacrifice’ , whether they say it or not, would most likely never be returned. People are too selfish to put you before them. It makes me sad to think about this reality because it is honestly not how I am. I never feel good when I am acting selfish, so it is hard for me to wrap my head around this ‘loving yourself more’ but it is a powerful truth and wisdom.

I think I need to find a good balance between the two … being selfless still towards others, but still loving myself enough, if not a little more … plenty, or just right! 🙂

I hope you have a great day Tryst Family!! XO – Jen

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*****

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  ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

 

Broken Glass

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Broken Glass
 
I watched in utter silence
As the moment fell to the floor
Words scattered like torn pages
Hopes & dreams as broken as glass
For a while, what may seem like
Forever, I stood just looking at defeat
Absorbing what I know at the end of all endings
 
Telling my tale
With all the harsh, corrupt and even innocent
Truths, I dare to enlighten you
I am numb to this life
To the things that burn, sting and scar
So let me just be real
And break the perfect fairytale that we all hoped for
Break it, what’s already broken
Like the glass that is scattered on the floor
 
~ J. Lefever ~
(03/16/13)
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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 

Waiting

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Waiting
 
Foot steps
In the hallway
Leading my
Curious mind
There I stood
Waiting, still
In the absence
Of which
You left me
Dare to take a step
Break the still
Of the night
Only, wait…
Foot steps
Vibrating closer
Here I hold
My heart in my
Hands, tiny hands
Tiny but mine
Waiting for
Something that
Feels right
This time
All the while
Waiting
Left waiting for you
In the cold
Of the Winter, as
I wait for me too…
 
~ J. Lefever ~
(03/16/13)
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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 

I.

Alice in Wonderland with the caterpillar who smokes the hooka, and blows in his smoke rings the question…’Who…are…you…?’ ~ A difficult question to answer…

I.

 

If I was me
Who would I be?
If I was the I, I
Wanted to be, looking
At me, what would I see?
If I’m not me,
Then who am I, who
Am I hiding, and for
What reason, why?
Am I ashamed
Of becoming the me
That is I? Yes to the question..
I hide me sky-high.
Yes, high in the sky,
High as a kite
So high was I, I was
Not me, that’s right.
Me, who is that, who is me
Who is she?
She must have been someone,
Somebody has seen me..
Who that is, I know its
Not I, it’s not I or me
Who has seen me or I.
Then who, I ask, has seen me,
Has seen I..
Who am I? I’ve been wondering..
Why.

~J Lefever

For more great pieces, go to FROM THE DARK. It is an excellent blog with some very real & bold poetry. There is a piece written that reminds me very much of this piece of mine. It is called It Was One and you can get there by clicking the link provided! Enjoy!