Whispers … (Revisited)

This is something I wrote some time ago for my Soul to Shine space. Tryst is, and will always be, my main blog writing space with the most content and the deepest looks into my truths and my realities … but I created my little Soulshine space for the little pieces with a BIG meaning.

The history and story of what Soulshine is to me and how it came about in my life is something that I have not really shared in great detail. For those who know me, understand what Soulshine is just by knowing me and how my energy works. I am alive in my heart, I am alive in my spirit and everywhere I go, I am a giver and sharer of my Soulshine. I honestly can’t imagine being any other way … and why would I? This is who I am.

Sometimes fewer words have a much bigger impact. That is what you will find in Soul To Shine.

Here on Tryst, I write much more …

I cut and paste this little bit because it suddenly POPPED up in my notifications the other day, and as I said, I wrote it some time ago. This little notification brought me to this piece and I read through it.

This was a Free Write. And one of my favorite Free Writes. So I wanted to share it here … because, well, because I just did.

I hope it reaches someone … anyone … even just one single soul … and they enjoy reading the words as much as I did when writing them.

XoXo

1ad653e28d6b0eace24ad70e2e214671

Whispers

…she is the moon, up in the sky… she becomes the stars, when you make her cry… her music sings painful melodic blues, telling of times when she had felt used… when you hear her whispering words in the air, listen closely to what you hear… she is telling you that the world can be cold, but you can still have love that is warm to hold… she will tell you that pain will make you stronger, by giving you wisdom to living longer… she will tell you to be aware of all of your time, because time is short and you can’t rewind… she will tell you that yesterday has come and gone, don’t live in the past, it’s a truthful song… she whispers that love is the ultimate gift, to have, to hold, to give, and to wish… so love with your heart, and let your soul shine on through, and never, ever, stop being true to you…

 …Jen Lefever

*****

imagesCA8Q9SE7

  ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

If I Could Run

29ef0a52e2699039086451a735fcde39
If I Could Run
***
If I could run
To anywhere but here
I’d run to the moon
To see the stars near
On the tail of a comet
I would fly across galaxies
Floating in the sparkling sea
Losing myself in zero realities
My reason to run
In the rear view behind
The haunting mistake
I’ll never rewind
I travel the universe
Looking for black holes
In hopes to find one
That no one knows
But reality sits grounded
Finding me running nowhere
I’m stuck confronting
What chases me from fear
***
J. Lefever
Written in February of 2012
 
***
 167829523583932813_VbTtb5rp_b

 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 

Daily Reflection on Trystღ (03/28/13)

Daily Reflection (03/28/13)

 

 0c27b16b9e376333300b92ea58e764f9

OG ~ Original Gangster

 

Thursday.

Afternoon & halfway through my day… and then some. Easter is on Sunday and I have some things festering in my mind. I could participate in the normal family get together, dinner, and spending quality time but this year… this weekend… I’m thinking of leaving the city.

 

I need those little breaks, you know? I write about this a lot. It’s good for me to get a change of scenery. Step away from my daily routine and regular activity here and just go… My mom & I are going to escape the reality of life for a couple of days and go to our lake house. I am really looking forward to a nice quiet weekend to be honest.

 

Today the city is warmer than it has been all year and the sun is shinning. What have I been praying for, and bitching about, for weeks -> NO! Months!! What have I been bitching about for months now…? Yep! Warm weather and spring time!! Well, the day brings me more of spring than it has all year… and yet, I am battling things up in my head. Yes, I know… it’s always freakin something, right?

 

Today, I want to put these reflective words out there : Be who you are. Be yourself. Be an OG!! ((And by OG, I just mean, be original))

 

If there ever has been a time when you have tried to fit a mold that is not who you are? Why? There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a true person for who they truly are. This really goes with my posts on how I cannot tolerate those fake ass mo-fo’s … but I’m not pushing the ‘Don’t’ today … I am pushing the ‘Do’ !!

 

Don’t you dare sacrifice your genuine uniqueness for anyone!! Don’t let anyone bring you down for being you either!!

 

I want to stress the importance of this because, like lots of important things in life, I think that in the chaos and in the hectic schedules we carry on each day, it is easy to forget some important things. I’m not saying, oh, we get so busy we forget to be who we are… more like, we get so busy that we forget nourish who we are and in that process of nourishment, improve who we are.

 

So in the spirit of nourishing my OG, my soul… I signed up for Ariel Ribbon Dance Classes. OMG!! I know, right? I’ll probably totally embarrass myself.. but I DON’T CARE!! My girlfriend and I sat on the phone yesterday and debated signing up for this class… but I said, “Marie!! If we don’t try it, we will neva know!!” So, she and I swallowed our pride and told our ego’s that they were just going to have to handle it if we aren’t the BOMB at this Ariel Ribbon Dancing thing, and we signed up.

 

Our first class is next week.

 

I am wicked excited!! ((Oh, and I will do a follow-up on this piece, and post some pic’s of the class… well, as long as I get some good shots, and nothing too humiliating!!)) 🙂

 

In life, it is so easy to get lost and follow down the wrong path. In these times, we need to remember to find our inner soul shine and get back to our side of the street. These last few years have been very hard on me. But the storms have seemed to pass in my life, for now at least, and I am slowly getting myself back on track… Slowly…

 

 ♥ Jen
 
Tryst Thought ~ Making changes in one’s life is very hard to do. Many people say they are going to change their lives, and very few actually do. Be the change, like Ghandi said, that you want to be. But in the process, always stay true to who you are inside. The original you is always the best you!! 
 
 
**********
 
Photo Cred : Me & my silly hubby… being original
 
 
**********
 
723143cbf085f627dabdd871a9c68615
 

 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

 

 

 

 

 

To Be Me

To Be Me
efd39ed26d1030dd4584ad4fa8086c70
Untamed & wild
I run with the wind
A world without fences
No forcible strength
Can hold me down
I am alive & free
Connect the dots
My life is a miracle
From one point to another
I make my Soul Shine
That is mine
No one can take that from me
I wake up to experience
Extraordinary excellence
All around me
The air
The world
The people we see
There is true beauty
Everywhere
Can your eyes open up
Enough to see it?
Stop and breathe
Everything around you
What are your ideas?
I make a tiny impression
On the world as a whole
Tiny because there are many of us
Yet, I’m extraordinary
Because there is only
One of me
I am enough
For me
I am surviving
In my world without fences
I get to be
On my own
Free
Where ever I find myself
That is exactly where I
Am supposed to be
~ J. Lefever ~
(03/24/13)
imagescc
©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Still, I Am Nothing

Still, I Am Nothing ~ A Painful Piece of Reality

 ba6eaaf7c40a2edb4a9d261ec0fc799b

Walk somewhere with me…

 

I pick up the sand

It runs through my fingers

Like time

The time I was there

Seems like someone elses life

Completely…

Certainly not mine

 

Who am I trying to be?

 

I’ll run with the horses

In the fields far away

This land is their playground

We just get in the way

Let me play

Just today

For a while

 

Where am I headed?

 

She said I was going

Nowhere

And that I was always

Quite the mess

A Hopeless waste of space

Running around this place

It was true, maybe

I don’t fit anywhere

 

Why do I try?

 

He told me in his words

That no matter what

I’d never succeed

I’ll never be good enough

Never will he be proud

I’m just no good

I’m just not smart

Why give me a chance

Or hope

When there is no hope for me

I’ll never be anyone

That he thinks I should be

 

Why do I still seek his approval?

 

Times like these

Is when I cry the most

Run the fastest

Hide the furthest away

From the world,

And the sunlight

From me and everything else

Trying to numb the

Pain inside

Of never being enough

Of anything

For my dad

 

Why am I not enough?

 

~ J. Lefever ~

This piece is a part of me that I’ve carried for years. My whole life, really.

I almost didn’t post it. I almost didn’t put the very last word in it.

This piece hurts. Bad. It’s how I’ve felt for years, and still to this day, no matter what I do, no matter how many battles I’ve finally found the strength to overcome, I am still not enough, not good enough, I am still nothing to my dad.

 

It breaks my heart.

281615782919240430_12HQbrRm_b

 

©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 

 

 

 

Unravel

Unravel

159103799305185450_iCqLRF2q_b 

Strange, some may say
Who knew it all along
Beautiful disaster, lost
In the water that falls from above

Decipher my riddles
I ask of you
I question my future
My spirit bleeds blue

Like water that’s not frozen
You feel inside my heart
Its yearning for reason
It’s broken us apart

Rattle my nerves
Tortured me senseless  
Vulnerable little voice
As reality captures a wish

Strange, I’m thinking now

Maybe I’ll come another day

Unravelling my conquest

I don’t even know what to say

 

~ J. Lefever ~

(02/19/13)

 

A little lost, running in circles…. you find me today..

 imagesCAMFEGZJ

 
©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 

 

Soul Revival

Soul Revival

31672_1246225809654_843931_n 

Crooked thoughts
Travelling through the air
Destination undecided as
It continues nowhere
Begging for a reason
An explanation to ease
My wondering mind
Misdirected chaos
Left remembered behind
I lost my strength
Perseverance slipped away
I’m not my yesterday, yet
Misery likes its prey
Stumbling down on my own
Trembling knees
How have I returned
To the place that makes me bleed
A liar and a fake
I pretend all too well
Broken promises written
Straight back to that hell
Noises I can’t turn off
Silence pierced through my inner voice,

Telling myself I’m falling
Hearing my own little voice
I thought it was OK
That I was able to trust
I fear I’ve been tricked
Left a joke in the dust
So now I run so far
Tears burn in regret
Anger builds against my soul
Shamefully lost the bet
People thrive and celebrate
In watching someone cry
Until the day when evil wins
And the weak have finally died
Why I’m here to tell you this
I really don’t even know
I cannot explain myself enough
Confusion rendered me low
Yes so down low I cannot speak
My words are upside down
Just a made example of
To watch you cry and frown
Upside down & inside out
I’m a shallow shell of nothing
A shadow cast into the wind
Still running from something
Why me, why my, why is this so
Why must I have to endure
Reason like this I search & search
To find this madnesses cure
Circling back to that broken place
I cannot even explain
Where I went, or why I chose
To carry on this pain…

But here I am
Not really so
You can see that I am gone
Something must be stronger than me,

I’ve been acting all along
Are you confused looking at me
Wondering where my light is going
Puzzling reality to me as well
Who pretends to be the knowing
Off the edge, I slipped and fell
Into the black abyss
Confusion sets in, I can’t explain
My spirit feeling like this
Frazzled my nerves, my soul & mind,

The bridge is falling apart
Truth my be I’m still afraid
To show my open heart

The path I’ve chosen I hate with a passion,

I barely have survived
I won’t give up, or even surrender
Until my souls revived

 

~ J. Lefever ~
(02/18/13)

Something clicked, and took me back, I felt something deep inside…

This piece is my yesterday, and my present just the same.

 167829523583932813_VbTtb5rp_b

 
©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication