Whispers … (Revisited)

This is something I wrote some time ago for my Soul to Shine space. Tryst is, and will always be, my main blog writing space with the most content and the deepest looks into my truths and my realities … but I created my little Soulshine space for the little pieces with a BIG meaning.

The history and story of what Soulshine is to me and how it came about in my life is something that I have not really shared in great detail. For those who know me, understand what Soulshine is just by knowing me and how my energy works. I am alive in my heart, I am alive in my spirit and everywhere I go, I am a giver and sharer of my Soulshine. I honestly can’t imagine being any other way … and why would I? This is who I am.

Sometimes fewer words have a much bigger impact. That is what you will find in Soul To Shine.

Here on Tryst, I write much more …

I cut and paste this little bit because it suddenly POPPED up in my notifications the other day, and as I said, I wrote it some time ago. This little notification brought me to this piece and I read through it.

This was a Free Write. And one of my favorite Free Writes. So I wanted to share it here … because, well, because I just did.

I hope it reaches someone … anyone … even just one single soul … and they enjoy reading the words as much as I did when writing them.

XoXo

1ad653e28d6b0eace24ad70e2e214671

Whispers

…she is the moon, up in the sky… she becomes the stars, when you make her cry… her music sings painful melodic blues, telling of times when she had felt used… when you hear her whispering words in the air, listen closely to what you hear… she is telling you that the world can be cold, but you can still have love that is warm to hold… she will tell you that pain will make you stronger, by giving you wisdom to living longer… she will tell you to be aware of all of your time, because time is short and you can’t rewind… she will tell you that yesterday has come and gone, don’t live in the past, it’s a truthful song… she whispers that love is the ultimate gift, to have, to hold, to give, and to wish… so love with your heart, and let your soul shine on through, and never, ever, stop being true to you…

 …Jen Lefever

*****

imagesCA8Q9SE7

  ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
Advertisements

A Warriors Heart

As of recent, I began exchanging words with an incredible person and writer. Visit his blog space, JMC813, to see for yourself his brilliant way with words and ability to express even the deepest of emotion.
Life has a way of handing us very special gifts. Only if we are truly ‘awake’, do we realize when we are being given something, or someone, that is meant to connect with our lives and our souls. Sharing the experiences, lessons and wisdom’s in life is a virtue that we both give and receive. I am enjoying every minute spent and every word shared with this wonderful person. We connect in many similar ways, and our differences are what accents and compliments our Tryst! I have enjoyed writing this duet with him, as it is his first, and I hope that there are more to come … So here is the first piece ever written by us, by Jen & John of Tryst & JMC813.
Inside these words, deep with in each emotional expression … lies the depth of true events, those of massive impact, ending with the gain of strength and a conclusion of self accomplishment. I hope you enjoy …
A Poetic Duet written by JMC813 & Think. Speak. Tryst.
A Warriors Heart
untitled11
Scattered about like a million glittering stars
Are the misdirected pieces of what we were
Standing in a pool of my obvious redemption
Bleeding to know the answers, Yet I’m so unsure
A myriad of questions leave my thoughts unsettled
Frantic assessments hold my voice, I cannot speak
My mind it moves a thousand miles in seemingly a second
Do I really want to know? Is resolution what I truly seek?
In the warm light that is becoming day
I brush away the dirt of my darkened past
Mind is flooded with a million wandering war stories
Heartache, takes my breath, I begin to need you at last
At last and again, for this all feels so familiar
Past battles lost and won, my mind chases to remember
The times and places of our war-torn self realities
Scattered in ashes lost in time, memories burn like embers
I decide to walk, past the reality of what I once was
Knowing that I’ll carry my scars, until the last days of life
Cloaked in what has turned to great wisdom, contrary to common belief
Look into my heart, my eyes, inside my soul, I am finally free from  strife
The strides that push beyond the realm of cruelty self-imposed
Flaws shown boldly bring it home, this point not light to make
The parade of insecurities un shelved, knowledge given to find  direction
Souls are bared, and hearts are freed, for yours, mine, and others  sake
This is where I stand to speak, telling you of all my glories
Although it rains inside of my mind, I’m here today, I’ll never rewind
Glorious you, who came to be, take my wisdom, for all you see
For I am a warrior, peaceful at heart, I will continue to fight, till death do us part.
Written by JMC813 & Jen on Tryst
September 2013
For more of JMC’s brilliant vision FOLLOW this LINK to View one of my personal Favorites ‘Ode to a Sinner’
*****
 17099673555870185_Shl4vEpo_f
 
©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

The Victim & The Villain

I am going through my poetry and putting together my third manuscript. So, I am compiling all my pieces, reading through them, picking and choosing, and I came across this one. This is a piece that remains one of my favorites… most dear to the painful part of my soul… yesterdays news, but still ever so present in the choices I make… I wanted to share it again… just for fun…
***** 
This is… my most beloved piece. This piece is meant to be read slowly, to get the emotion in each word I chose to tell this story. This is a short story, about me. It is written poetically. I am happy to share it, and hope it is enjoyed and understood by those who read it. This is also the title of a book that I am currently writing… one of my writing projects that is very dear to my heart. This is the story of the Victim and the Villain. ~ J
a83a565e98a06c5b7e423df311992cf6
The Victim & The Villain
I can tell you of days
When I was completely frozen
I can tell you of weeks that went by
And I didn’t even notice
I can tell you of mornings
I would wake up mad
Mad ’cause I was still breathing, still alive
…isn’t that sad?
I can tell you of a lady
Who was once alive in me
She was vibrant, and she smiled
She was what other’s wanted to be
But somehow, in her life, she became
Tragically sad
Things began to happen
Now, She’s a Victim to all things bad
A run of bad luck, for a decade, or so
But she was also the Villain of her story, you know
As much as she tried
To push the darkness away
The Villain within
Would not let her stray
The Villain was strong but
It needed it’s Victim down
And with all of the chaos
The Victim was stuck in her town
Further and further
Did her pure image go
But deep down inside
Her spirit would know
In a time and a place
She could rise up again
And put to rest
Her corruption, her sin
I can tell you of days
When I thought this impossible
I can tell you today
I have become remarkable
Only because
I can see inside
That I was the Victim.. and the Villain
In my very own mind
Playing the taunter
And being taunted by…
The miraculous strength of
Me, Myself, and I…
I can’t tell you who wins
The story of me
The Victim, the Villain, or the saviour to be…
But I am each one
Each integral part
That make up the Victim… and the Villain
Inside of my heart.
~~ J. Lefever ~~
(04/15/012)
*****
sdgaerg
 
 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 

Verse

24e80474e1719f5c29f23f954a518c65
 
Verse
 
 
Inside of my words
 My lyrics tell of many things
 It’s a lesson that I’m preaching
 To myself that I am teaching
The verse of wisdom
Inside of my words
 
Inside of my words
There are many emotions
Countless times in my healing
Pain and joy in my feelings
My heart tells of many things
Inside of my words
 
 
Inside of my words
A million souls are marching
Proving that I’m strong
Somewhere my heart belongs
My soul stands proud to tell my glory
Inside of my words
 
Inside of my words
I hold the power of one
To my own self I save
I have been nothing but brave
My strength built up with time
Inside of my words
 
Inside of my words
I am connected to the world
Changing elements with eternal strength
Something unravels underneath
The light that shines inside of me
Inside of my words
 
Inside of my words
I am ice melting in the sun
Embracing the beauty in every day
Grateful for tomorrow I continue to pray
Forever learning as I go, listen to me
Inside of my words
 
Inside of my words
I only need this air
Taking with me my personal victories
Celebrating for all of my memories
I am a miracle upon this earth
In everything I say
Inside of my words
 
~J Lefever~
(05/02/13)
 
 
*****
imagesCAJZ4VYS
 
 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 
 
 
 

When I’m Alone

 
016055ee3ce571552da58da3920581ef
 
 
When I’m Alone
 
When everyone has gone
I’m in the presence of just me
My spirit and I play games
We argue with what we see
 
There is no outside noise
No chatter from other voices
But my mind is loud as always
Battling all my life’s choices
 
I go back and forth
From good to bad to everything
In the space in between
Living inside of nightmarish dreams
 
My angels are strong
Standing up to my devils everyday
Good fighting evil
Consuming my soul in every way
 
When I am alone
I’m not really alone at all
I’m stuck with my mind
Inside self prison made walls
 
Daily I think
In memory of my innocence
My own reflection reminding
Of my spirits remembrance
 
The years have slowly taken
The person I was born to be
When I am alone
I am haunted by me
 
~ J. Lefever ~
(04/29/13)
 
*****
 4d094a1b8850773e99232aec76061b1c
 
 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Guilty Too

99079f6bd0a3864e94cfccb282de7885

Guilty Too

 

A test of my strength

Forgiving I need to be

Its been only hours since

Since your actions hurt me

I tell of a time

When we were both kind

Walking side by side

Your heart was inside mine

Battling disappointment

My anger subsides

Remembering the moment

That my spirit died

In that four-cornered room

The cell of my shame

My faith came to same me

From my internal pain

You told me what I had done

What you wanted me to do

I have lived up to my word

Given you all you asked me to

I made you worry all the time

You said I broke your heart

So I promised to mend

The pieces that fell apart

I remember the promises

I made that day

Promises to shelter

Myself in the rain

I give you no reason to put me down

You have no reason to cry for me

Yet you still throw my yesterday

As if the present you can’t even see

I still face a mountain

As I have said before

Yesterday is gone

I Walk through the next door

I’m not the only guilty one

You have been hurtful too

I’m still trying to forgive

The past I’ve had with you

 

~J. Lefever~

(04/26/13)

 

This is a piece about my mom. It’s very personal. But I feel the need to clarify who I’m speaking about…

 

*****
imagesCABQ13B8
 
 
 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 
 

 

Daily Reflection on Tryst (04/23/13)

Daily Reflection (04/23/13)

b1caa72d31594c960ca148156c47099d

 

What is Your Normal?

 Tuesday, late morning. At work, like any other normal day… yet, my life is far from normal. By that, I mean that things for me right now are a little nuts. There are some stressful situations that I am dealing with, and I can honestly say, I am not doing a very god job. At least, my husband tells me this. It seems there is always something that I should be doing differently, differently as in the way he handles things. I am constantly getting told that I handle my shit wrong, and he handles his shit right. If I went through life, reacting and thinking like him, then I wouldn’t have anything wrong… so he says. He says, his attitude and demeanor is always decent and correct and he just has a really great attitude about everything.

 

That all sounds really good…. but just because those are the words that fell out of his mouth, do nt make them true. What is he? A saint?

 

I’ll give him some credit though… he does coast through with a good attitude and demeanor some of the time… but not ALL of the time. Just last week, oh never mind. I can’t get into it. All I’m trying to get out here, vent, is that no one is perfect and handles their shit the right way ALL the time. No one is perfect. No one has all the answers. No one goes through life and never makes mistakes. And no one is normal.

 

This morning was unpleasant. I have things that I have to deal with, every single day, that I have been ‘putting-up’ with for so long now, praying for a change, anything, and here I find myself… the foolish woman still dealing with these things, and by chosing to have them in my life, it has taken a real toll on my happiness and joy. It is my fault for not removing those things. I hold myself accountable for that. But I can tell you, I am sick and fucking tired of defending where the stress is coming from. I think I’m sick and tired of defending myself period! When is enough enough? I am at the edge here. I have, in the last two years, been through more shit than ever in my entire life. Just in the last two years. What element either changed, or came to, my life in that time to tell me what the problem is…? Tell me I’m pointing a finger. I’m not. But there are outside influences that can make a person’s life a living hell, when I think about the time before these last two years… NONE of this stuff was going on. So, what am I to do? Keep fighting? Keep defending myself? Keep explaining?

 

I realize that this is putting things both blunt and a little vague at the same time. Is that even possible? I really am just beside myself here today. I think the light inside of me is barely holding on. What is the point? Are things past the point of no return? Where is the love anyway? I am told everyday that I question a certain someone’s love for me, but I think that person needs to realize the reasons that happens… there is always a reason… you don’t question one’s love when one loves you truly and purely everyday… there is always a reason…

 

I hope the day find everyone well. Thanks for allowing me to vent a little, and analyze too. (I am desperate for some answers here and getting nowhere which has rendered me really frustrated…)

 

Remember that your normal is not anthers normal. We are all built, and raised, differently. Just because something fits for you, doesn’t mean it fit’s for everyone else. Just because words come out, doesn’t make them true.

 

Don’t let another tell you that you are living your life wrong, or handling your stress, or pain, wrong. No one has the right to say that their way of handling things is the right way! I mean, come on… are you for real? What makes you the one who has all the answers to life? And where do you get these answers anyway… ‘Convenient theories for you Weekly’ ?

 

I am pretty fed-up these days…

 

~Jen

 

Tryst Thought: I have never really liked the word ‘normal’. I mean, what is normal anyway? What is normal to me may not be normal to another… I say ‘may-not’ but it is definitely not!! Just the way I grew up compared to the way, say my husband, grew up was completely different! My childhood was nothing like his, but it was normal to me.. as his was to him. So, I really don’t like the word ‘normal’.

 

It has been days since my last reflection… I don’t like that… And I don’t like the fact that this one is so negative. It may be negative, but the message here is for internal pride and strength. Please remember that!!

 

*****
100184c5e88d0e028e7a645b7fdd5901
 
 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication