Stormy Seas

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Stormy Seas
 
Escaping the stress
Ridding my stormy seas
Running from my pitfalls
Confidence locked behind stone walls
 
The wind blows cold
Striking me across my face
Reminding me that I’m real
Hidden inside the things that I feel
 
Stormy seas with grey clouds above
Choppy blue water of the sea
Out of control, I seem to be
Much like the sadness inside of me
 
Something that comes and goes
Tears of pain become tears of madness
Anger subsides my cries
And once again,
I am screaming at the city for what it took from me
 
Nothing can make the clouds go away
Maybe they are here
Giving me permanent rain
Words can’t describe the pain
 
Stormy seas represent my soul
Searching for something to make me whole
I am alive, still breathing today
Living the reality, for which I pray
 
~ J. Lefever ~
(05/22/13)
 
*****
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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

 

The Victim & The Villain

I am going through my poetry and putting together my third manuscript. So, I am compiling all my pieces, reading through them, picking and choosing, and I came across this one. This is a piece that remains one of my favorites… most dear to the painful part of my soul… yesterdays news, but still ever so present in the choices I make… I wanted to share it again… just for fun…
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This is… my most beloved piece. This piece is meant to be read slowly, to get the emotion in each word I chose to tell this story. This is a short story, about me. It is written poetically. I am happy to share it, and hope it is enjoyed and understood by those who read it. This is also the title of a book that I am currently writing… one of my writing projects that is very dear to my heart. This is the story of the Victim and the Villain. ~ J
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The Victim & The Villain
I can tell you of days
When I was completely frozen
I can tell you of weeks that went by
And I didn’t even notice
I can tell you of mornings
I would wake up mad
Mad ’cause I was still breathing, still alive
…isn’t that sad?
I can tell you of a lady
Who was once alive in me
She was vibrant, and she smiled
She was what other’s wanted to be
But somehow, in her life, she became
Tragically sad
Things began to happen
Now, She’s a Victim to all things bad
A run of bad luck, for a decade, or so
But she was also the Villain of her story, you know
As much as she tried
To push the darkness away
The Villain within
Would not let her stray
The Villain was strong but
It needed it’s Victim down
And with all of the chaos
The Victim was stuck in her town
Further and further
Did her pure image go
But deep down inside
Her spirit would know
In a time and a place
She could rise up again
And put to rest
Her corruption, her sin
I can tell you of days
When I thought this impossible
I can tell you today
I have become remarkable
Only because
I can see inside
That I was the Victim.. and the Villain
In my very own mind
Playing the taunter
And being taunted by…
The miraculous strength of
Me, Myself, and I…
I can’t tell you who wins
The story of me
The Victim, the Villain, or the saviour to be…
But I am each one
Each integral part
That make up the Victim… and the Villain
Inside of my heart.
~~ J. Lefever ~~
(04/15/012)
*****
sdgaerg
 
 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 

Dead and Gone… Never Apart

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Dead and Gone… Never Apart
I whisper quietly
Just for me to hear
I talk to you
Blow kisses
In certain places
Never knowing
If they make it to you
Up in the sky
Of clouds and blue
Where are you
Where have you gone
It so surreal
I even sing this song
I never thought
You would be taken
From me
I never thought
This is how I bleed
Your energy moved on
Dead here, somewhere gone
I want to be there too
When can I come
Be with you
Can you hear me cry
Everyday for you
Can you hear the words
I am telling you
Why did you leave me
Here, alone, with them
Their darkness
It burns
And I have no one who understands
What does it mean
When someone dies
Why do they leave
Us here just to cry
Where is my brother
Is he dead and gone
Can I go see him
Hear my song
What ever these words
They are meaningless in my heart
He is never gone from my soul
We are never apart
~ J. Lefever ~
(05/06/13)
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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Silent is the Night

Silent is the Night

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Silent is the night

As the stars watch me sin

A lonely soul, I wonder

My journey I begin

Elements of the world

Laughing all around me

Wondering why I fear them

Doubting what they see

Inside, I fight the answers

The truth can make me cry

Burns run so deep inside

Why am I alive?

I fight to find my joy

My inner peace and pride

Somethings still hurt so bad

You see me run and hide…

 

~J. Lefever~

Written in April 2013

*****

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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 

House of Blues

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House of Blues
 
Etched in the cobblestone streets
Were years of forgotten stories
Mine may be lost already
Lost in the nothingness we call
Yesterday
But forever I will remember this nothing
As I was everywhere the light touched, I
Became the night air
At night, you could hear the trumpets
On the streets of the surrounding place
Hopeful souls would come to hear
And get lost in the darkness of the Jazz
I sat at my window sill
On the nights they made their music
Never distracted by the other noises
Of life
Not when the Blues crept its way
Through the night air
To reach me, only me
Awaiting at my window
Underneath the star sprinkled sky
Midnight at its finest
The trumpets sang about my sadness
All the reasons my tears fell
All the way down, to the cobble stone streets
But that’s just how the music hits me
Right in the center of my soul
Tender notes and beautiful words
Penetrate my innocence
Reminding me how breakable I actually am
Telling me that no one dares to try
To understand, even see
The reasons why my tender heart bleeds
So I get lost inside the Blues
At night, with the trumpets
I become the Blues
Infinite sensitivity
My own melancholy madness
Music take me away
As my tears fall like rain
Tiny droplets, pieces of me
Cleansing my soul to the sound
Of painful music
As I sit and memorize
What it feels like inside
To be in The House of Blues
Without ever having entered it at all
 
♪  
 
~J. Lefever~
(04/19/13)
 
*****
 
 
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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Creating Illusion ~ Tryst Update

Creating Illusions ~ Tryst Update
 
There was a time when the world was my oyster.
That time seems so long ago.
I was a vibrant youth, running around the world.
Alive, with every breath I swallowed up joy.
Then life happened and everything changed.
The world turned grey and things I love went away.
Now I’m grown, but I’m broken inside.
Most days I feel invisible.
There was a time when I thought I’d never know sadness.
I must have been fooling myself.
Sadness came and it won’t seem to leave.
 
The world is full of many things.
That is the wisdom… right there
It is pretty some days, and dull the next
There is sadness here, as well as joy
There are rainbows for every storm cloud
Tears for pain and laughter for happiness.
 
For my invisible days
I ask myself, why am I hiding?
It’s me that creates the illusion of invisibility
Not others…
 
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I can’t always explain why certain emotions come & go. There are just reasons beyond other people’s understanding… and that is OK! Not everyone is supposed to understand why my heart cries…Just as I should not UNLOAD all my tears onto others.
 
I have a very good life. I have a very normal life. I am a good person, like most of us… But, my life is different & unique, as each one of our lives are. It is mine. There are a couple of things that I have going on in my life that are, quite ridiculous. But no matter how much I despise them, I have no choice. Just gotta get through them. These are the things that can bring me down a little because I know I’m quite honestly ‘too-good’ to be going through this shit… but still, life sure doesn’t discriminate, does it?
 
Sometimes, being alone is a really good/healthy thing for the soul.  ((I try to tell my husband this, but he doesn’t like to hear it. He doesn’t like to be alone at all!)) He doesn’t understand why I pack up my car and go to my lake house to get away and just be alone. I NEED to be alone with my thoughts. To clear my head. To listen to my heart.
 
Only in the space of solitude… do I find true internal peace and reason.
 

♥Jen

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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 

 

 
 
 

Float

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Float
 
I want to be invisible, for now
Nothing for anyone to see
Moments & memories
My imprints of my past, gone
Like a feather floating in the breeze
A little piece of nothing important
Floating bye for no one to see
 
No one notices something that is
Nothing, when there is nothing
To see
 
I like the feeling of detachment
Rendering me in a calm state of mind
Awareness has slipped away with the wind
Swallow me world & make me invisible
Make me nothing for the world to see
 
 
Look at me, I’m not really here
I’m so empty today, you see
I float through the minutes of this day
Aware that I need not be
Anything important
I am nothing to see
 
I can go anywhere today
Be anywhere that I want to be
And still, not really be there
That’s what it feels like
When you feel like nothing
I am invisible
No one can see my sad heart
No one notices my tears that fall
Gently down to the ground
Landing in a soft pool of wetness
Representing a soul that is broken
No one notices my empty hands
Wanting to be held
Wanting to be safe and warm
Waiting to feel like I’m someone
 
Is it okay if I isolate today
What will it matter
If I just literally slip away
When I’m here, you don’t seem to listen
When I’m there, you don’t even see
It’s like I’m just imagining
My importance to you
So instead of pretending
I will just go
Don’t worry, my dear
You won’t notice a thing
Nothing will change when nothing goes
Away with me, with just me to be
I love you but you don’t even see
That I’m invisible to you
And it’s damaging me
 
I’ll float somewhere else
Where nothing else matters
 
~ J. Lefever ~
 
This piece was written in regards to… something inside… of me, or maybe someone else… either way, it is real and it is my sadness today…
Do you ever just want to float away?
 
 
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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication