Dead and Gone… Never Apart

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Dead and Gone… Never Apart
I whisper quietly
Just for me to hear
I talk to you
Blow kisses
In certain places
Never knowing
If they make it to you
Up in the sky
Of clouds and blue
Where are you
Where have you gone
It so surreal
I even sing this song
I never thought
You would be taken
From me
I never thought
This is how I bleed
Your energy moved on
Dead here, somewhere gone
I want to be there too
When can I come
Be with you
Can you hear me cry
Everyday for you
Can you hear the words
I am telling you
Why did you leave me
Here, alone, with them
Their darkness
It burns
And I have no one who understands
What does it mean
When someone dies
Why do they leave
Us here just to cry
Where is my brother
Is he dead and gone
Can I go see him
Hear my song
What ever these words
They are meaningless in my heart
He is never gone from my soul
We are never apart
~ J. Lefever ~
(05/06/13)
*****
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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Silent is the Night

Silent is the Night

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Silent is the night

As the stars watch me sin

A lonely soul, I wonder

My journey I begin

Elements of the world

Laughing all around me

Wondering why I fear them

Doubting what they see

Inside, I fight the answers

The truth can make me cry

Burns run so deep inside

Why am I alive?

I fight to find my joy

My inner peace and pride

Somethings still hurt so bad

You see me run and hide…

 

~J. Lefever~

Written in April 2013

*****

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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 

Float

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Float
 
I want to be invisible, for now
Nothing for anyone to see
Moments & memories
My imprints of my past, gone
Like a feather floating in the breeze
A little piece of nothing important
Floating bye for no one to see
 
No one notices something that is
Nothing, when there is nothing
To see
 
I like the feeling of detachment
Rendering me in a calm state of mind
Awareness has slipped away with the wind
Swallow me world & make me invisible
Make me nothing for the world to see
 
 
Look at me, I’m not really here
I’m so empty today, you see
I float through the minutes of this day
Aware that I need not be
Anything important
I am nothing to see
 
I can go anywhere today
Be anywhere that I want to be
And still, not really be there
That’s what it feels like
When you feel like nothing
I am invisible
No one can see my sad heart
No one notices my tears that fall
Gently down to the ground
Landing in a soft pool of wetness
Representing a soul that is broken
No one notices my empty hands
Wanting to be held
Wanting to be safe and warm
Waiting to feel like I’m someone
 
Is it okay if I isolate today
What will it matter
If I just literally slip away
When I’m here, you don’t seem to listen
When I’m there, you don’t even see
It’s like I’m just imagining
My importance to you
So instead of pretending
I will just go
Don’t worry, my dear
You won’t notice a thing
Nothing will change when nothing goes
Away with me, with just me to be
I love you but you don’t even see
That I’m invisible to you
And it’s damaging me
 
I’ll float somewhere else
Where nothing else matters
 
~ J. Lefever ~
 
This piece was written in regards to… something inside… of me, or maybe someone else… either way, it is real and it is my sadness today…
Do you ever just want to float away?
 
 
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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Still, I Am Nothing

Still, I Am Nothing ~ A Painful Piece of Reality

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Walk somewhere with me…

 

I pick up the sand

It runs through my fingers

Like time

The time I was there

Seems like someone elses life

Completely…

Certainly not mine

 

Who am I trying to be?

 

I’ll run with the horses

In the fields far away

This land is their playground

We just get in the way

Let me play

Just today

For a while

 

Where am I headed?

 

She said I was going

Nowhere

And that I was always

Quite the mess

A Hopeless waste of space

Running around this place

It was true, maybe

I don’t fit anywhere

 

Why do I try?

 

He told me in his words

That no matter what

I’d never succeed

I’ll never be good enough

Never will he be proud

I’m just no good

I’m just not smart

Why give me a chance

Or hope

When there is no hope for me

I’ll never be anyone

That he thinks I should be

 

Why do I still seek his approval?

 

Times like these

Is when I cry the most

Run the fastest

Hide the furthest away

From the world,

And the sunlight

From me and everything else

Trying to numb the

Pain inside

Of never being enough

Of anything

For my dad

 

Why am I not enough?

 

~ J. Lefever ~

This piece is a part of me that I’ve carried for years. My whole life, really.

I almost didn’t post it. I almost didn’t put the very last word in it.

This piece hurts. Bad. It’s how I’ve felt for years, and still to this day, no matter what I do, no matter how many battles I’ve finally found the strength to overcome, I am still not enough, not good enough, I am still nothing to my dad.

 

It breaks my heart.

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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 

 

 

 

Taken

Taken
 
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Undertow of emotion
Pulls me further & further
Feeding my sensitivity
Like its dying from famine
 
Vaguely remembering a time
When the waters ran deep
The world was alive, in color
Hunger was not something to feed
 
Hushed by the threat
That poses itself each day
Luring me to be weak
Fallen again, I just may
 
Wading on through
The pool of my forgotten realities
How I found myself here
Fixed by the proper formalities
 
Silenced by my mind
As it walks around the city
Debating my philosophies
Fighting what’s left of me
 
I know the reason
I have crawled here to die
Because it hurts less
Than the moments when I cry
 
One day, someone came to me
And said I’d never be the same
Said half my heart was killed
That I had lost the dirty game
 
They said, you will have to go on
You will hurt no matter what you do
You will never be whole again
Nothing will ever feel like you
 
~ J. Lefever ~
(03/13/13)
 
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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Tearing the Pages

A Poetic Duet written by A Shade of Pen & Think. Speak. Tryst.
 
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Tearing the Pages
 
Reaching out, I touch your hand
I feel your warmth beneath the sand
It’s been so long, since I’ve been home
Wishing I was not alone
 
A hundred thoughts cross my mind..
I wrap memories around my heart
Every room in this house
Speaks of the moments of me and you…
 
Since the beginning of time
Everywhere I went, you were there too
I wake to the reality of life

That someone has taken from me, from you

Nothing  feels right anymore..
It is hard to march ahead..
When my heart is encased in lanes of yesterday
If I could undo the past, I would

 
Climb to the top of the highest sky
Or swim the deepest depths of the sea
There’s nothing I wouldn’t for you
To bring you back, next to me
 
There is no joy left in my life
I only crave to be with you
Defy the spirit of the Lords
And I will hug you close and not let you go
 
If only things could be this way
If only my dreams would come true
Never be, the space between us
Nothing would keep me from being with you
 
Yet, life is not always the fairy tale
Not all dreams shape into reality
It is the memories that I have of you
That give me the push to hope again 
 
And so, I walk on forward
Into the day that is tomorrow
Leaving scattered behind
Pages torn of tender sorrow
 
Written by A Shade of Pen & Tryst
 
To see Tearing the Pages on Shruti’s page follow the link provided
 
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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 

Waterless Tears

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Waterless Tears
 
Rendered powerless against time
I have become what I never wanted
Waterless tears have run dry
Numb is my constant state of mind
 
Wanting not what I have
I cannot escape the truths of my day
Warmth is but a distant memory
Smile is empty when I look to you
 
Finger tips in the water of the river
Flowing against the currents of time
Running from a place I knew
Forgetting everything I thought was mine
 
Echo echo, in the dark
I am standing here
I feel like I’m falling apart
Into a pool of waterless tears
 
All the times I cried for you
Just to be stripped bare of my identity
Once I stood so tall & strong
Now so little is left of me
 
I never thought my tears could run dry, oh
My heart has made a fool out of me
Waterless tears, an empty soul
Wasteland as far as the eye can see
 
~ J. Lefever ~
(03/08/13)
 
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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication