Tag Archives: Tryst Tears
Silent is the Night
Silent is the Night
Silent is the night
As the stars watch me sin
A lonely soul, I wonder
My journey I begin
Elements of the world
Laughing all around me
Wondering why I fear them
Doubting what they see
Inside, I fight the answers
The truth can make me cry
Burns run so deep inside
Why am I alive?
I fight to find my joy
My inner peace and pride
Somethings still hurt so bad
You see me run and hide…
~J. Lefever~
Written in April 2013
*****
Float
Still, I Am Nothing
Still, I Am Nothing ~ A Painful Piece of Reality
Walk somewhere with me…
I pick up the sand
It runs through my fingers
Like time
The time I was there
Seems like someone elses life
Completely…
Certainly not mine
Who am I trying to be?
I’ll run with the horses
In the fields far away
This land is their playground
We just get in the way
Let me play
Just today
For a while
Where am I headed?
She said I was going
Nowhere
And that I was always
Quite the mess
A Hopeless waste of space
Running around this place
It was true, maybe
I don’t fit anywhere
Why do I try?
He told me in his words
That no matter what
I’d never succeed
I’ll never be good enough
Never will he be proud
I’m just no good
I’m just not smart
Why give me a chance
Or hope
When there is no hope for me
I’ll never be anyone
That he thinks I should be
Why do I still seek his approval?
Times like these
Is when I cry the most
Run the fastest
Hide the furthest away
From the world,
And the sunlight
From me and everything else
Trying to numb the
Pain inside
Of never being enough
Of anything
For my dad
Why am I not enough?
~ J. Lefever ~
This piece is a part of me that I’ve carried for years. My whole life, really.
I almost didn’t post it. I almost didn’t put the very last word in it.
This piece hurts. Bad. It’s how I’ve felt for years, and still to this day, no matter what I do, no matter how many battles I’ve finally found the strength to overcome, I am still not enough, not good enough, I am still nothing to my dad.
It breaks my heart.
ღ
Taken
Tearing the Pages
I feel your warmth beneath the sand
It’s been so long, since I’ve been home
Wishing I was not alone
I wrap memories around my heart
Every room in this house
Speaks of the moments of me and you…
Everywhere I went, you were there too
I wake to the reality of life
That someone has taken from me, from you
Nothing feels right anymore..
It is hard to march ahead..
When my heart is encased in lanes of yesterday
If I could undo the past, I would