Women & The ‘Once-Over’

   WOMEN & THE ONCE-OVER

What do I mean..? What is this ‘Once-over’….?

The ‘once-over’ is something I have labeled as the act of a women giving you that head-to-toe scan. You know, you’re out and about, running around, getting all your errands done for the day, week, whatever, and in the midst of digging through your bag for your credit card to pay for your groceries, or at the pharmacy, juggling moisturizer, nail polish and all your bath products, or at the bookstore loading up on the tabloid mags and getting the new juicy novel you’ve been excited to read… you catch yourself as the victim of a ‘once-over’. Some random strange women you don’t know at all, has scanned you from head-to-toe, and you caught the whole scan, and you instantly know what’s going on in her head: the undeniable women characteristics of judgement… Yuck! Maybe you don’t look your best at that very moment, so you wanna say, “catch me out on a friday night girl, then give me a ‘once-over’!!” Or, you’re honestly too cool to care! (I like this one the best!) (I have been both..) But the question here is this: No matter how many times you have been the victim of the ‘once-over’, honestly, how many times have you given the ‘once-over’? (Honestly, I too have been both…It would be a lie if I said otherwise…)  It’s in our DNA as women. We are all guilty of giving at least one ‘once-over’ in our life!! As for others, as for the greater population of women, have given many many more than others…

 TO BE OR NOT TO BE… vain… an empty shallow girl…or to pass judgement… WHO DO YA THINK YA ARE ANYWAY? Humm?

  Here are a few terms defined: 
 
VAIN – Excessively proud of their appearance; conceited, arrogant, narcissistic.
What vain really is,a someone who cares alot about themselves, has a mirror in hand at any given time. Cares alot about looks, always in style, usually come from a well off family with loads of money to spend on stupid brand name clothing, Gucci hats and $400 shoes…Can be a girl or boy. People usually hate them since they feel so comfortable about themselves and others are just jealous.They think that their the best in everything and that there’s always an easy way out because their dad or mommy has a lot of money so they can always run to them.
SHALLOW – Judging a person based strictly on looks, not factoring in their personality whatsoever. To base the format of a structure only on appearance. A person who cannot access the imaginative, creative, understanding, emotional part of their brain. Shallow people are brainwashed by the media, they can’t think for themselves. They tend to like Hilary Duff, Britney Spears, and mainstream rap and the little mainstream rock that is played. They serve no purpose to this earth. Their future holds long lines of angry customers that want their hamburger, and the words “we love to see you smile”.
A person that feeds off of another persons misery, someone who judges books by their cover, someone who is needy, and spoiled. 
The act of judging people by their looks, monetary status, clothes or car, rather than looking deep inside at their heart, personality, etc…
JUDGEMENTAL – Something we people/humans cannot stop to be. Some people like doing it for the superiority they feel, but others feel bad in doing this. Now if you do feel bad for doing this, it means you have a heart and you know what the person you just judged feels. People have heartsᅳwell, most of them doᅳso don’t be a bitch or an asshole.

A condition from which we cannot escape, else we would not have been able to tell breasts from chests if you get my drift. Many people are more apt at being judgemental than others, alarm bells ought to ring if you find yourself with ‘personality labelers’ who tell you that you have ‘evil thoughts’ or are ‘stupid’. This is usually the result of some unfortunate mistake which you made and they have picked up on. The language they use is cunning, so it hits you where it hurts (guilt, sadness etc) and they blame you for causing the world misery.
A way of making ones self feel better, by hurting others. Usually caused by closed mindedness, and a lack of manners.
TWO-FACED – When a person acts a certain way in one place and acts different in another.

A persona that usually stems from a lack of self-identity, self-esteem, and/or cojones. The person is also usually a brown noser, as they try to please whomever they meet. In an effort to be accepted by the entire world, a “two-faced” person will socially accommodate anyone they meet in an attempt to be popular and liked by everyone. More often than not, however, two-faced bitches are usually covering up their assholism.

Two faced is when someone acts like your friend and then talk about u behind your back, in a bad way… in a way they would never talk about you directly. When someone acts one way in front of you, but then when you’re not around has fun ridiculing you. (FAKE). Two faced is when a friend has two sides. they act one way in front of u but when they not near u they talk about you.
 

(Ugh, after writing & reading through these definitions, after seeing in black & white, descriptively spelling out these characteristics… all of which most women practice & possess… why would you want a bunch of girls in your life!?!? …point heard loud & clear Jen!!)

… Some even have more than two faces! How exhausting having to keep up with your own charade… of not being real… lame!
 

As women, we tend to have the reputation of being very shallow, vain and judgemental.  We are also infamous of being the most ‘two-faced’ of the two genders. After defining these above, how unattractive are these types of women really?!? They are really all examples and proof of low self-esteem, low self-worth and zero self-confidence. Personally I want nothing to do with all four of them! Of course, this doesn’t apply to all of us women. There are many of us who are not any of those things, and who are by nature actually very real, very nice and thoughtful. (Those, I have noticed, are the ones with few girlfriends.) But there is also a time and a place in which things just are… let’s say, a moment or situation when even the ‘nice’ girl catches herself acting in one or all three of the ways listed above.  We can catch ourselves being vain.  Society today puts so much pressure on us women on how we should look, in order to be considered or feel hot, sexy &/or attractive. There is a certain ‘type’ of woman who always seems to fall under these categories: thin, fit or skinny, current with fashion, has the bank account to accommodate the current & popular clothes & accessories, and most importantly, wears the best & most expensive shoes, and carries the best & most expensive hand bags. (Those are my most observed items on other women… besides teeth…I always notice people’s teeth & smiles. It is the first thing I look at when talking with anyone. I don’t know why I’m drawn to the mouth, but I’m big on having excellent personal dental care. People should always take pride in their smiles. Having good teeth is a must!) For the ones who aren’t so lucky, most women sure do try to keep up with the social demands. We also catch ourselves being shallow at some moments. Even if it’s not spoken aloud, I can safely say that all women are guilty of at least having shallow thoughts from time to time! It’s in our nature.  And we are also guilty of being judgemental from time to time. I dislike these qualities so much that I like to bring honest awareness to myself to detour myself away from any shallow, vain or judgemental second that might creep up in to my mind.

 (We have the choice to choose whether we want to display these ugly characteristics, or not…) As for the ‘two-faced’ women of the world… decide who you are!! Are you really that lost & insecure that you have to be this way? You can be ‘two-faced’ all you want, but if not already, it will become known and you’ll always be remembered as a person with out an identity. I don’t know why anyone would want to be known as one of these ‘confused’ types of women. Get to know yourself! This one, I can say with much personal gratitude, I have never ever ever been guilty of in my life. Nope. Neva been ‘two-faced’.  (Just me & my 1 face)   🙂

Now keep in mind, for me personally, and this is the honest truth, I pride myself in having a really good balance on these things, or ‘control’ I should say. Like I have said above, I’m guilty of few, very seldom, momentary lapses of reason where I’m a little of this or that, but not like most of them. It’s just not…me. As for the result of that – I have never really had girlfriends.

(Just a quick note: I grew up with mostly all male friends. I’ve never really done the ‘girl-friend’ thing, I don’t go out for girls night and I don’t have a ‘bestie’ that’s a girl that I can lean on. I have a few really great girlfriends, and the few of us are all really strong and independent women. I found it hard to find girlfriends that think like I do. I think more like a guy, I guess I should say. Thanks to all the guy’s I grew up with, I’m more straight forward like they are. I’m not ‘two-faced’ like most women. For example, If I don’t like you, I won’t go out of my way to be fake and say ‘HI’ if paths are crossed… I’ll just go about my day. I do not need another girl to go to the bathroom with me if we are all out. I’m a big girl, I can make it alone! And I feel completely confident with myself & my life without a pack of female friends to go out with. It’s not about numbers, I really enjoy the quality of the friends I choose to hang with! So, yes, I take pride in the true-honest-fact that I do have really good control over these womanly traits I’m speaking of because they are really not a part of my character.)

…Just to make this clear, men are absolutely capable of owning these characteristics and displaying these types of behaviors as well! I have seen first hand guys being ‘two-faced’ and definitely judgemental! But the male ‘once-over’ is not the same. A man giving a woman a ‘once-over’ is simply checkin’ her out. And a man giving another man a ‘once-over’, is looking over his competition. So don’t think because you’re a guy that you are excused from being shallow, vain, or able to posess ugly and stupid characteristics in these ways too! Uh huh, guys, you do it too, just far far less than women. Women are much much more insecure.

Getting to the message I’m delivering, from me to you…

I get this smile on my face when I catch a random stranger giving me the ‘once-over’. It doesn’t bother me because I’m confident and comfortable with myself. I put myself in check when I have moments of the ugly characteristics I have so eloquently described in this piece. My motivation? I was a victim of the ‘once-over’ while getting my coffee this morning before work so I thought I’d write a piece on it.

I like to see that women can be strong and not ‘like everyone else’. I like to see women independent, thoughtful and kind, grown up and confident… but unfortunately… statistics don’t lie and it’s a true proven fact: most women are built up with these four components, in which their character & personality are pretty-ugly (oxy-moron), and this is why, I have never had many girlfriends. And I’m perfectly content with that. Although this is a true statement for me, its drawn upon having acceptance in the many unanswered mysteries in the world. The unexplainable things in life that just are, because they are. The paradox of life… the thousands of them! To imagine a world in which we all get along is impossible beyond infinity. Its not in our human nature to be that way. Parts of my soul are saddened by the lack of particular friendship & bonds that some have but I understand that we are all so very different. Each one of us. And just like some flavors are better mixed with others, some colors just don’t go together but other colors look great, there are things that really compliment each other nicely, and then there are tons of things in this world that just don’t mesh well together at all…no matter how many ways to try to put them together. I know that my path in life is mine. My spirit, soul and the elements I posess inside are mine. My own personal & unique equation, the formula of Jen. Its different, we all are, and the things I have are mine and it’s meant to be that way. That’s why advice may be given but it’s not always the right answer/solution/cure/resolution for everyone. That’s why I have such a passionate opinion on judgement. How can anyone judge anyone? Really?!?! I don’t think that we know anyone well enough at all to pass judgemental opinions! And what gets judged? How a person dresses? How they act? What they do or where they go?? Its their life! Maybe that’s exactly right for them, exactly where they are supposed to be! Its them… not you. My rambling point: in my life I have accepted myself for who I am. Instead of battling things I just go with the flow, my flow, and it has made things smoother, better, I’m happier and my life is really great. I may not be the girly girl or fit the ‘standard-american’ role but my equation is solvable, my elements are balanced and right now I am absolutely satisfied with where, who, and what I am, content with what I do and how I got here. I’m confident in the things I say, and I have integrity in all aspects of my life. I treat my friends like I would treat myself and I love unconditionally. For those who are vain, shallow, judgemental and/or ‘two-faced’, I can see it from a mile away, every single time! And there is nothing about those kinds of people that I want in my life. That shit is appalling and I’m sad & embarrassed for those people. They obviously struggle inside & my only hope is that they find peace in their soul. When you are truly content inside your spirit, you don’t act in the ways I’ve described in this piece. Nope. Ya just don’t. I can write about my knowledge of, my experience with and the recognition that this shit happens but that’s all. Part of my integrity with myself, is making sure I don’t ever act in these unattractive ways. That’s all for now.

~ Jen

(This is a prime example of why I say my life is over articulate and exceedingly verbal…) I have my opinions and I’m not afraid to express & speak my mind! No one should be! Its  individualizing yourself from everyone else.

 

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Written in the Stars

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Fate. Can you make a mistake and miss your fate?

The space between the stars in our galaxy is so large, its vastness is quite unimaginable to the human mind. The stars are so far away, that when we look at them, up in the sky, they are only tiny little sparkles of light.  There are hundreds of millions of them are sprinkled against the dark, black galaxy.  So many more than we can even see, they are infinite.  We have, in the history of our existence, always been curious about the possibilities that our eyes allow us to see when we look to the sky, to our atmosphere, and to our galaxy.  And our galaxy is not the only one that is out there.  We are not the only galaxy, by far!  Through scientific studies we have measured it, the millions of miles between our world, our stars and other galaxies, but how do we know for sure that we have measured it accurately?  If you Google ‘galaxies’, it will tell you that there are 30,000 galaxies, approximately, up in our atmosphere!  That is truly Amazing! 

Today I have been thinking about fate. Fate or destiny is often regarded as the “course that life takes” and karma is one of the factors that influence this course. People often believe that fate cannot be changed, but is this really true?

Fate is known to be a predestined path that we each have, unique to our own lives.  Fate is known to be out of our control.  It is understood that, according to the placement of the stars and planets in the sky at the exact time of a person’s birth, those things determine a person’s character and their fate.  That which is said to be, ‘written in the stars’, our fate.  But, what is fate really?  And how do we know that fate really exists?  The Buddhists believe that, “Your destiny is shaped according to the combination of conditions pre-determined at birth and other factors that you are able to change through your own efforts.”  And see, that right there, is my question!  In a person’s life, if we wander off our ‘path’, ARE WE MISSING OUR FATE?

If a person’s fate is decided by a complex combination of conditions and factors, then it would seem we can’t change, or shape, or miss our fate. Some of these factors are already decided at the time of a person’s birth and some of them come into play later and shape the course further. There are five factors that form our fate or destiny: 1) tendencies of our soul, also known as karma. 2) family environment. 3) social climate. 4) our own efforts and self-discipline. And 5) the influences of other people.  Amongst the factors that shape our fate or destiny, some of them are settled and some are not.  It means that we have a certain scope to change our fate or destiny by our own efforts.  Factor 2 (the family environment) and factor 3 (the social climate) are elements that should be called the “destiny that is decided” before we are born; however, there is a great secret involved in these too. Namely, before each reincarnation we draw up a plan for our spiritual training and we are born having agreed to such details as our parents, the environment, the social climate and our gender. However, as soon as we are born into this world, we forget it.  Wow. 

So, am I living by my fate?  Am I, have I always been, on my path to my fate?  What about all of the hard moments, the bad choices and the tragic things that I have been through that were not of my choice and out of my control?  Have all of my moments been pre-determined for me?  Written in my fate?  Or have I, by the freedom of choice and by free will, led myself astray, down other paths, leading me into things that are far from what my fate had planned for me?  There are no tangible answers to these questions… and that drives the analytical part of my mind freakin crazy!!  I want to know if fate really exists!! 

What else do I know?  I know that we have the freedom of choice, as I have already said.  There is also karma.  Now I’m a firm believer in karma.  Karma is the, ‘you get what you give,’ the ‘what comes around, goes around.’  I have witnessed truths in these things!  Karma is very real, and it is very patient!  Karma watches and it waits.  For those people who think they can always come up on top by screwing people over, pushing others down to benefit themselves and by celebrating in the suffering of others, karma knows.  Karma will find you… where ever you are.  With this in mind, I believe that karma plays a big part in a persons fate.  How couldn’t it?  Buddhists say that karma is fate that cannot be escaped from.  (smiling… I think karma is bad ass)  We also have responsibility.  We are responsible for ourselves, for our choices, and our choices shoulder the outcomes for the results of our own mistaken decisions.  There is always a cause for everything, and that cause is always created by ourselves. 


 

 So, can we shape & conquer our fate?

The starting point to shaping our own fate is to abandon the cowardly attitude of blaming other people or our environment for our present unhappiness or mistakes; we must adopt the stance that “everything is our own responsibility.” Yes!  Nothing disappoints me more than watching someone point their finger at someone else, someone who is not accountable for anything.  In addition, it is important to change the state of our mind, reflect on the tendencies of our own soul and break free from committing the same mistakes again.  I have worked very hard to not only be accountable but to also break free from my past, not re-visit mistakes, and build a real sense of integrity.  And… this feels extremely good!  🙂

I believe that if I observe myself and others with an enquiring mind, if I minutely analyze the habits, tendencies, strengths and weaknesses of my soul, and if I continually strive to change myself and discard my current self: then I will be able to guide my fate into the kind of life that fulfills the desires of my soul. 

When I have a problem or when I am going through something tough, I tend to think/feel like it’s a much bigger deal than it really is… looking up at the sky, I can, for the moment, get out of my head and tell myself how little & insignificant I am compared to the miraculous wonders of this universe. Can you even imagine…?  I do believe in fate.  I believe that we are also the guide of our fate.  I think that the ‘pre-destined’ elements that are layed out for us at birth are there, but it’s up to us to lead the rest of the way.  Like the saying, ‘I’ll lead you to water, but you must teach yourself to drink,’ in my life, I have been lead through part of the way, but it’s up to me to keep walking, and to choose which way I’ll go.  Fate has lead me here, and karma has my back, so tomorrow I am blessed with another day on my path, let’s see which way I choose to go…

~ Jen

Truth.

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It is an inherent & inevitable characteristic of human nature, I believe, to go looking for the truth. We seek truth about ourselves as individuals & the truths about the universe at large. (Deeply ingrained within us is the expectation that we will indeed figure it out). We share the belief that finding the truth will ultimately bring the seeker only and all good things: Peace, love, justice, joy, safety & salvation.

We envision the truth as a magical set of laws that the universe & all things & all its creatures are governed.

We talk of poetic truth, human truth, scientific truth, metaphysical truth, half truth, whole truth, plain truth, simple truth, hard truth, ugly truth, brutal truth, sweet truth, mean truth, gospel truth, harsh truth, and absolute truth…

When in doubt of the truth, it is our inclination to stick to facts, to logic we already know… this is where fact and truth compromise and we are led astray by our collective tendencies to equate fact & truth or logic & reality.

Truth? Humans are not always logical in our nature. We are also emotional. And emotions are not based on logic.

As a writer, I tend to assume that truth resides in a story. But still, as a story is easy to forget, like the language itself, can both reveal and obscure the truth. Also, stories are all delivered differently, depending on who tells them. Each side has a change in the entire feeling of the story being told. Truth may not be what you want or expect it to be. Truth can hurt or bring joy and happiness. Truth also isn’t always logical, it can be emotional, irrational. Truth just is… and in life, I believe, we eventually come upon the truth, either on purpose or by accident. Truth has a way of being found… eventually.
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~ Jen Lefever Wood