A Day Like Any Other ♥

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A Day Like Any Other…

When the sky tells me

It is going to storm

It whispers it’s soft warning

As if not to frighten me away

 

Just like my kingdom

I have storms inside my soul

Wild and raging with emotion

Unpredictable and out of control

 

It is true that I am guarded

I am free but trapped by something else

An invisible force that is most wicked

Has stolen my every ability to trust

 

As the clouds darken above me

A message of what is to come

Like elements we cannot tame

There is nothing, I’ve come undone

 

I live in constant fear

When I look others in the eye

I’m looking for something decent and pure

So far, others have only made me cry

 

I still think the world is worth my time

But I keep searching for something that I don’t find

It’s more a dream, a wish, a belief

Than the reality of the world I may leave behind

 

It’s like we are all just empty shells

Walking around, in programmed motion

No one really has a functioning soul

We are weak if we show our deepest of emotion

 

~ J. Lefever ~

(04/20/13)

 
 
*****
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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

 

 

The Devil’s Room

The Devil’s Room

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There is nothing to say about now

I am in the dark again

My body shakes

I am afraid

 

I swore I would never

Visit the devil again

But I did

And now he won’t let me go

 

With his cold hands on my wrists

A strength of which

I am too weak to pull away

So I cry as he holds me in his presence

 

Far far away

For anyone alive to hear my cries

I am silenced by defeat

It is here, I will die

 

Comfort and warmth

Are a long, distant memory

Foreign to my current surroundings

Will I ever be home?

 

I belong to the world

But I’m tired of wandering

Years I have searched

I am ready to belong somewhere

 

Inside of the Devil’s room

Walls dripping with my fear

Echos of my past are screaming

Lyrics of which berate me deeply

 

My own sins brought me here

Weak along the way

My mission so completely unclear

Pride was stripped my his cold, dead grasp

 

The death of my spirit

Has yet to visit me

I fight to keep it away

I am surviving on my hopeful emotion

 

Trembling with angry energy

I break away from the Devils force

Pounding on the structure that entraps me

I stand to show I refuse to be taken

 

~J. Lefever~

Written on a day unknown

 

This is an older piece I wrote some years ago…

I found it in my journals… scribbled in pencil on the pages of my yesterday

I thought I’d share it to show the deep effects that addiction had on my spirit

Like being trapped, held down by a strength much stronger than me… With hope almost impossible to find… but… somewhere inside of me, the refusal to give up.

*****

sdgaerg

 
 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

 

 

 

 

 

Down The Tree

Down the Tree
 
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I stood in the dark
In the shadows
As to not be seen
Quiet as a mouse
Still as the dead
 
It creeped slowly
Down the tree
To the ground
My memories falling
With them
Also making no such sound
 
This feeling I know
Quite well to be exact
Something dark
Inside of me
Taunting as I try to breathe
 
I find myself watching
Visions of my life’s
Moments
Playing out
Right in front of my eyes
 
I stand against the tree
My shame
Falling all around me
Slithering
Down the tree
Every single memory
 
What brought me here
To remember things like this
Why the lesson
As if my mind ever forgets
My mind has its regrets
 
I have forsaken my soul
I cry out from underneath
The brittle branches
I am sorry, you see
What more do you want from me?
 
I have lost
And it hurts so bad
Nothing will ever replace him
He is gone
I will be forever sad
 
Underneath this tree
I confessed my sins
I cried for my weaknesses
I admit my shame
I hold its bark, like it is all I have left
 
Somehow
At the bottom of the tree
I came here to remember
What it feels like
To be me
 
~ J. Lefever ~
(04/02/13)
 
*****
 
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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication