Whispers … (Revisited)

This is something I wrote some time ago for my Soul to Shine space. Tryst is, and will always be, my main blog writing space with the most content and the deepest looks into my truths and my realities … but I created my little Soulshine space for the little pieces with a BIG meaning.

The history and story of what Soulshine is to me and how it came about in my life is something that I have not really shared in great detail. For those who know me, understand what Soulshine is just by knowing me and how my energy works. I am alive in my heart, I am alive in my spirit and everywhere I go, I am a giver and sharer of my Soulshine. I honestly can’t imagine being any other way … and why would I? This is who I am.

Sometimes fewer words have a much bigger impact. That is what you will find in Soul To Shine.

Here on Tryst, I write much more …

I cut and paste this little bit because it suddenly POPPED up in my notifications the other day, and as I said, I wrote it some time ago. This little notification brought me to this piece and I read through it.

This was a Free Write. And one of my favorite Free Writes. So I wanted to share it here … because, well, because I just did.

I hope it reaches someone … anyone … even just one single soul … and they enjoy reading the words as much as I did when writing them.

XoXo

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Whispers

…she is the moon, up in the sky… she becomes the stars, when you make her cry… her music sings painful melodic blues, telling of times when she had felt used… when you hear her whispering words in the air, listen closely to what you hear… she is telling you that the world can be cold, but you can still have love that is warm to hold… she will tell you that pain will make you stronger, by giving you wisdom to living longer… she will tell you to be aware of all of your time, because time is short and you can’t rewind… she will tell you that yesterday has come and gone, don’t live in the past, it’s a truthful song… she whispers that love is the ultimate gift, to have, to hold, to give, and to wish… so love with your heart, and let your soul shine on through, and never, ever, stop being true to you…

 …Jen Lefever

*****

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  ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
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Life, Death, A Fool & Her Thoughts ~ Tryst Free Write

Life, Death, A Fool & Her Thoughts ~ Tryst Daily Reflection

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This has been a hard year. I have been through it all, I have learned a lot. I have moved forward, not backwards, which I am deeply proud of, I have listened some and talked some, I have grown and gained experience and wisdom and most of all, I have survived, so far, the most terrible tragedy … that of losing my brother, my little brother and my life long best friend, who was shot and killed in the city one afternoon in June. Yes, I have had to adjust to living without him, adjust to him not being here to talk to anymore, adjust to having to watch my mom and dad grow older without him. I am still so lost when I search for him, search for answers and when the tears come rolling down my cheeks and frustration boils in my veins, I fall to my knees in desperation and defeat.

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Then I get back up and keep breathing.

Then I get back up and keep living.

Someday I will join my brother, in the Heavens above … Someday I will get to see him again … just not today … just not today. My time here is not yet finished. I still have life to live and people to make memories & learn lessons with. It is not my time to go be with him … my life purpose has not been fulfilled.

Here I am, just that same girl, that grown woman who hurts and cries and laughs and smiles and bleeds like everyone else. Writing about all my life’s chapters, and selecting the ones that I think are suitable to share with the world. Judged or not, which I know I am, as it is so common for more people than not, people will watch, people will assume, people will point fingers, people will judge and people will blame another, and I am not excused from those people in some times of my life but I have learned that this is not healthy, productive or suitable of my character in any way. I don’t like to judge others. Probably because I have been in the spotlight, in the center of the circle, the one who gets judged upon many times in my life. So I take that, brush it off, and move on because those people who judge just don’t matter, and the ones who matter, are the ones who don’t judge.

How can anyone judge another’s life anyway? What gives anyone the right? No one knows a persons pain, no one knows a persons experiences, stories, dreams and nightmares and no one knows what it is like to walk in another’s shoes, no one could possibly know this at all. So, it is completely and utterly arrogant, ignorant and not justifiably true at all for another person to pass judgments based on the fact that they have absolutely no clue. It’s like speaking on a subject you know nothing about, yet you pretend that you know what you are speaking of. Maybe you fool some, only the foolish that is, but in all truth, only the wise, the people who rise above those who point fingers, are the ones who know that words are only words when spoken. Only the wise know not to put any value to them, making them anything else but what they are, and that is meaningless words spoken by a judgmental fool who knows nothing, and who will always remain the same, never moving forward due to their inability to see the foolishness of their thinking and behaving, thus preventing themselves from ever being taught any lessons of wisdom in which to move them forward and enlighten then upon their many many mistakes.

This is the life of a fool. This is the life of those who judge others. What gives them the right, as I first stated above … What gives anyone the right to say they know enough about another’s life in any way, to pass judgments based on their opinions?

They don’t have the right. Only if we give meaning or emotion to their words, do the things they say have meaning or hold value, and then we become a fool for listening and giving meaning to the things said by the foolish fool. If we brush them off, then like I said above, they are only empty words spoken by a foolish fool.

Either way, we are all foolish fools. In a matter of speaking, nothing is justifiable. Nothing makes sense. Life is unfair and we are all dealt the hand that we have no choice but to deal with. Some of us choose not to deal with their hand … while others fight their whole lives trying to find out why things are the way they are. Many things make us different … and many things make us exactly the same. We are all just clueless fools … searching for that which makes us grown and wise … searching for a feeling of security, in anything we do. But we are all still fools.

As I drove home from work this evening, I looked up to the sky, as I often do, and I saw a full moon hanging up in the sky. It was full, bright, and silver and its face was smiling. The face on the moon was full and smiling down upon us, upon the Humans of the world, as we all scurry about, screwing things up and making mistakes, as we all have one common bond … deep inside us all: we all want to feel a sense of security. Now, our kinds of security may differ, but we all want to feel that … secure … in whatever sense we personally seek. We all seek to find, feel and also give a certain sense of safety, of security. What is it that makes me feel safe … ? What does safety mean anyway … ? Are any of us ever really safe from anything … ? Are any of us ever really safe at all … ? Who can trust? Who is always honest? Who has never done wrong? Or hurt another? Whether by choice or by accident, who hasn’t screwed up? Who hasn’t had to ask for forgiveness? Who hasn’t had to give forgiveness? Who thinks that they have all the answers? There are actually people who believe that their way of thinking and behaving is always the righteous way. Really? What ignorance those people must have … to think such a thing. None of us know … we don’t know why things are the way they are, or what is going to happen tomorrow … Just like words can be only words, spoken by a fool, and the fool who listenes to them … so am I the fool who speaks empty words right now … ? And are you the fool who listenes … ? I know my heart is a good one, and my soul is tender and sensitive. So because I am not one to act out of cruelty or viciousness, what does that make me … ? A kind fool who speaks words with endless thoughts that never stop wondering … why … ?

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***

Life is so unpredictable.

Nothing is promised.

We are all going to fall down.

And not all of us get back up.

But those who do…

Are the ones who pave the paths of wisdom

For the ones who play it safe and never take chances

For the ones who conform to society and who are always less wise as a result of that conformity…

The fallen become the strong

And the wise

And we are the ones who

Discover the truths of life

And who end up appreciating everything they have

Everything that their life has given them

And everything they have given others

As a result of their existence in this world

As a human being, just like everyone else.

***

I will continue to let my Soulshine upon the world … because that is one of the reasons I am here … to give to others and let others experience mine … my very own Soulshine.

Something to think about ~ Don’t avoid being the fool. We need that every once and a while. But instead of becoming the fool forever, gain a wisdom from your foolishness, and see what it teaches you.

XOXO ~ Jen

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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

Verse

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Verse
 
 
Inside of my words
 My lyrics tell of many things
 It’s a lesson that I’m preaching
 To myself that I am teaching
The verse of wisdom
Inside of my words
 
Inside of my words
There are many emotions
Countless times in my healing
Pain and joy in my feelings
My heart tells of many things
Inside of my words
 
 
Inside of my words
A million souls are marching
Proving that I’m strong
Somewhere my heart belongs
My soul stands proud to tell my glory
Inside of my words
 
Inside of my words
I hold the power of one
To my own self I save
I have been nothing but brave
My strength built up with time
Inside of my words
 
Inside of my words
I am connected to the world
Changing elements with eternal strength
Something unravels underneath
The light that shines inside of me
Inside of my words
 
Inside of my words
I am ice melting in the sun
Embracing the beauty in every day
Grateful for tomorrow I continue to pray
Forever learning as I go, listen to me
Inside of my words
 
Inside of my words
I only need this air
Taking with me my personal victories
Celebrating for all of my memories
I am a miracle upon this earth
In everything I say
Inside of my words
 
~J Lefever~
(05/02/13)
 
 
*****
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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 
 
 
 
 

Creating Illusion ~ Tryst Update

Creating Illusions ~ Tryst Update
 
There was a time when the world was my oyster.
That time seems so long ago.
I was a vibrant youth, running around the world.
Alive, with every breath I swallowed up joy.
Then life happened and everything changed.
The world turned grey and things I love went away.
Now I’m grown, but I’m broken inside.
Most days I feel invisible.
There was a time when I thought I’d never know sadness.
I must have been fooling myself.
Sadness came and it won’t seem to leave.
 
The world is full of many things.
That is the wisdom… right there
It is pretty some days, and dull the next
There is sadness here, as well as joy
There are rainbows for every storm cloud
Tears for pain and laughter for happiness.
 
For my invisible days
I ask myself, why am I hiding?
It’s me that creates the illusion of invisibility
Not others…
 
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I can’t always explain why certain emotions come & go. There are just reasons beyond other people’s understanding… and that is OK! Not everyone is supposed to understand why my heart cries…Just as I should not UNLOAD all my tears onto others.
 
I have a very good life. I have a very normal life. I am a good person, like most of us… But, my life is different & unique, as each one of our lives are. It is mine. There are a couple of things that I have going on in my life that are, quite ridiculous. But no matter how much I despise them, I have no choice. Just gotta get through them. These are the things that can bring me down a little because I know I’m quite honestly ‘too-good’ to be going through this shit… but still, life sure doesn’t discriminate, does it?
 
Sometimes, being alone is a really good/healthy thing for the soul.  ((I try to tell my husband this, but he doesn’t like to hear it. He doesn’t like to be alone at all!)) He doesn’t understand why I pack up my car and go to my lake house to get away and just be alone. I NEED to be alone with my thoughts. To clear my head. To listen to my heart.
 
Only in the space of solitude… do I find true internal peace and reason.
 

♥Jen

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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 
 

 

 
 
 

Daily Reflection on Trystღ (03/28/13)

Daily Reflection (03/28/13)

 

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OG ~ Original Gangster

 

Thursday.

Afternoon & halfway through my day… and then some. Easter is on Sunday and I have some things festering in my mind. I could participate in the normal family get together, dinner, and spending quality time but this year… this weekend… I’m thinking of leaving the city.

 

I need those little breaks, you know? I write about this a lot. It’s good for me to get a change of scenery. Step away from my daily routine and regular activity here and just go… My mom & I are going to escape the reality of life for a couple of days and go to our lake house. I am really looking forward to a nice quiet weekend to be honest.

 

Today the city is warmer than it has been all year and the sun is shinning. What have I been praying for, and bitching about, for weeks -> NO! Months!! What have I been bitching about for months now…? Yep! Warm weather and spring time!! Well, the day brings me more of spring than it has all year… and yet, I am battling things up in my head. Yes, I know… it’s always freakin something, right?

 

Today, I want to put these reflective words out there : Be who you are. Be yourself. Be an OG!! ((And by OG, I just mean, be original))

 

If there ever has been a time when you have tried to fit a mold that is not who you are? Why? There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a true person for who they truly are. This really goes with my posts on how I cannot tolerate those fake ass mo-fo’s … but I’m not pushing the ‘Don’t’ today … I am pushing the ‘Do’ !!

 

Don’t you dare sacrifice your genuine uniqueness for anyone!! Don’t let anyone bring you down for being you either!!

 

I want to stress the importance of this because, like lots of important things in life, I think that in the chaos and in the hectic schedules we carry on each day, it is easy to forget some important things. I’m not saying, oh, we get so busy we forget to be who we are… more like, we get so busy that we forget nourish who we are and in that process of nourishment, improve who we are.

 

So in the spirit of nourishing my OG, my soul… I signed up for Ariel Ribbon Dance Classes. OMG!! I know, right? I’ll probably totally embarrass myself.. but I DON’T CARE!! My girlfriend and I sat on the phone yesterday and debated signing up for this class… but I said, “Marie!! If we don’t try it, we will neva know!!” So, she and I swallowed our pride and told our ego’s that they were just going to have to handle it if we aren’t the BOMB at this Ariel Ribbon Dancing thing, and we signed up.

 

Our first class is next week.

 

I am wicked excited!! ((Oh, and I will do a follow-up on this piece, and post some pic’s of the class… well, as long as I get some good shots, and nothing too humiliating!!)) 🙂

 

In life, it is so easy to get lost and follow down the wrong path. In these times, we need to remember to find our inner soul shine and get back to our side of the street. These last few years have been very hard on me. But the storms have seemed to pass in my life, for now at least, and I am slowly getting myself back on track… Slowly…

 

 ♥ Jen
 
Tryst Thought ~ Making changes in one’s life is very hard to do. Many people say they are going to change their lives, and very few actually do. Be the change, like Ghandi said, that you want to be. But in the process, always stay true to who you are inside. The original you is always the best you!! 
 
 
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Photo Cred : Me & my silly hubby… being original
 
 
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 ©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication

 

 

 

 

 

Daily Reflection on Tryst (03/25/13)

Daily Reflection (03/25/13)

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Energy

 It is one heck of a good Monday!! Oh yes!! It has been a minute since I’ve said that!! There is no fake in this day… well, there’s no fake in me ever… I am just having a super great Monday!!

 

You know how I’ve said before, that what you tell yourself about your mood, in your mind, becomes real? Like if you feel sadness, you are going to be sad. If you feed joy, you are going to be happy. It makes sense. Right? Whatever kind of mood you find yourself in, if you need to change it, give energy to the kind of day you want to be having! Simple wisdom. BIG difference in your day!! It’s all about the power of your mind baby!! What are you feeding yourself today?

 

Today, lets reflect a little on energy. Energy can be converted from one form to another, but it cannot be created or destroyed. (That’s an interesting fact, energy cannot be destroyed. So, when one dies, where do we go? We must go somewhere because we are energy and energy can’t be destroyed.. hum.. another time, another post)

 

Good energy can be contagious!! Bad energy, no one wants to be around. Well, unless you’re a miserable person, in which misery loves company, but no one loves the company of a miserable person. So, don’t be miserable Tryst peeps!! Reach inside and find your good, positive, happy vibes and get some good energy flowing into your day! I swear.. I’m walking proof that frowns can be turned upside down & you can wake up smiling to the thought of your day!! It is all in the power of your mind, what you are feeding yourself, and your thoughts, and the energy you have going on!!

 

I know that by the end of winter, those of us who live in a place that has a cold, snowy winter, we can easily become seasonally depressed, stricken with fatigue and just plain exhausted!! Use your motivation for the coming of the new season and all the things you want to get done, to help pull you out of this exhaustion!!

 

Word of the Day : Prexhausted – This is when you are exhausted just by thinking about something. Like the planning of a wedding, or finals coming up in college… (Thank you Urban Dictionary for the word of the day)

 

If you are working yourself into prexhaustion of any kind, squash it!! Channel good energy!! And if you need help, or a boost, or just some Soulshine, come find me!!

 

I hope you all have a great rest of your Monday!!

 

~ Jen

 

Tryst Thought : I am enough. (That’s it! Period! That is my thought to leave you with! There is a lot of power in that sentence! Try standing in the mirror and looking yourself in the eye, and saying those 3 words. Seriously… try it!! It’s very moving!)

 

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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication
 

 

Already Me

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Already Me
 
With a strength
That surprises most
So I hold on
To my lonely beating
Soul, and listen as
The steps of the
Unknown
Grow closer to me
To the air I own, yet
Nothing owns me…
 
I have grown comfortable
In my skin
I am feeling content
As the woman I am
In tune with the
Rhythms of my body
The cycles of the
Pages of the
Chapters of my life
That is me, I
Own the strength that
Surprises me so…
 
Much like the river
Dances & flows with
Earth and all its changing
Essence, I too can dance
Like the best of them
Whimsical mysteries of
Spirits becoming
Women, in this thing
We call life
I tell my story
Piece by piece…
 
As the moments unfold
And time goes by
I realize that all I’ve ever searched for
Was right here, was me, it was always I…
 
Words can be thrown at me
To damage and to bruise
Using these tools to move forward
I refuse
To look in the back
My rear view of yesterday
Defeated me not
I stand to fight this very day
Pushing forward
On a quest to be
Everything I have been
All that is already me
 
~ J. Lefever ~
(03/21/13)
 
For strength.
For perseverance.
A feel good piece.
 
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©Think. Speak. Tryst. Publication